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Original poster

Got 'I'm about to be ghosted' anxiety - sad!

90 replies

Lucia23 · 14/11/2021 19:04

Been seeing a guy for 2 months after meeting on an app. We did sleep together quickly so I worried it would be over quickly but he consistently called & set up dates each week. Everything was consistent and going well, he came to spend my birthday with me, etc.

Then I went on holiday for a week and he didn't contact me at all until I contacted him. I thought, ok, maybe he just wants to let me enjoy it. When I did get in touch he responded quickly & couldn't wait to see me.

We went to a concert & for dinner a week ago. We had a great night & he said he'd missed me and was glad I was back. Cuddled up to me all night & in morning as I left for work, he said he was looking forward to seeing me soon as always.

Then nothing until I contacted him after 5 days (compared to all the calls before). This was about meeting up tomorrow, he read the message yesterday and hasn't responded. I just know he is about to ghost - I feel it in my bones and I also suspect he is seeing someone else because he has not called me for weeks.

It has unexpectedly really upset me. I have cried over it today & I have a really important presentation to give tomorrow which im struggling to concentrate on.

Not sure what I'm looking for...solidarity maybe! Flowers

OP posts:
WheatlandTerrier · 14/11/2021 20:41

Happened to me last week. Most men have poor manners and social skills. Throw him back in the sea!

WheatlandTerrier · 14/11/2021 20:42

Actually we could have the same man Shock

BrilliantBetty · 14/11/2021 20:44

You are probably right, tbh.

But is there any chance he felt he was making all the effort and you were not calling / texting him, initiating conversation and dates as much and he decided to withdraw a bit to see if you'd pick it up a bit?

Like I say you're probably right but you never know, it could be salvageable

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Original poster
Lucia23 · 14/11/2021 20:54

No @BrilliantBetty because I invited him on the last date to the concert. And contacted him during my holiday - it is him that has stopped contacting me.

Also when he was here last week he spent forever in the bathroom. He said he was messaging friends (why in private) but I've since had the awful thought he was already talking to someone else before slipping into bed with me!

I just feel upset because it is disrespectful after the time spent together - and why do it? If you've had a nice time together why not just take 2 minutes to break things off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucia23 · 14/11/2021 20:56

@WheatlandTerrier I think it's an epidemic. Once a couple of days go past I'm going to send him a final note about it. Short, calm & to the point, for my own closure.

People say don't bother, but it's important to me - after 2 months of weekly dates and sleepovers just slithering off like that is unacceptable.

OP posts:
WheatlandTerrier · 14/11/2021 21:09

Apparently this guy loved me and met my son. Never again.

Original poster
Lucia23 · 14/11/2021 21:19

@WheatlandTerrier I'm sorry. It must be even harder when you have another person to consider.

I just feel very hurt - surprised by how affected I feel actually. It was still early days so I hadn't developed very strong feelings yet, but I like him, we'd been intimate many times and we still seemed close last week. Didn't expect to cry like this over it, I feel crap.

OP posts:
WheatlandTerrier · 14/11/2021 21:21

Lucia it's understandable you feel that way. I hate the games dating brings!

MushMonster · 14/11/2021 21:26

The world of dating has gone crazy!
Several dates and intimacy definitely deserves a face to face goodbye.
Just take care of yourself, be kind to yourself.Flowers

WheatlandTerrier · 14/11/2021 21:30

You know I think it's shite but he could have done this in a year or 2 when you're involved alot more

Debsdonein · 14/11/2021 21:32

Very cruel of him. A short message to end things should be the least he does. You are better off without him.

Breakingmad · 14/11/2021 21:46

He didn’t like that you went on holiday and he is punishing you.

unicornsarereal72 · 14/11/2021 21:48

Sorry you are in this position. I'm also 2 months into dating someone and it has been a quiet weekend. I'm wondering weather to let it slide. Or call him out on it.

I'm disappointed. This guy is lovely. Or so I thought. But as other have said at least it's now after a matter of weeks rather than a few months down the line.

I learnt from my mistake last time of getting over invested and have not told anyone I'm dating this time. Although the kids know because I've been going out x 3 a week. They haven't met or anything like that.

Original poster
Lucia23 · 14/11/2021 22:01

@Breakingmad

He didn’t like that you went on holiday and he is punishing you.
This actually crossed my mind. Until I went on hol, he was calling all the time. Everything seemed to change when I went away.

But then we saw each other 2 days after I returned - why bother if that was the reason?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucia23 · 14/11/2021 22:10

@Debsdonein

Very cruel of him. A short message to end things should be the least he does. You are better off without him.
This is how I feel. It's the abrupt switch of tenderness and connection to being unworthy of a simple reply. It is cold and hurtful.
OP posts:
WheatlandTerrier · 15/11/2021 11:41

Did you hear from him?

Original poster
Lucia23 · 15/11/2021 12:01

@WheatlandTerrier he has just got back to me saying 'sorry for the delay' and that he can meet for a few hours but he is busy after 5pm. Also a missed call.

I'm inclined to finish it and just say it seems like things have fizzled out, shall we leave it there. He would never have left me hanging/until the last minute like that before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucia23 · 15/11/2021 12:08

The other thing is that we live over an hour apart and I'm working near his home today, another reason I was keen to meet. Usually he would move things around to see me - I contacted him on Sat morning & he's just coming back to me.

OP posts:
WheatlandTerrier · 15/11/2021 12:58

Yeah I'd leave it be.

CavernousScream · 15/11/2021 13:03

Yeah, I’d just say he doesn’t seem that interested so you’ll just leave it.

Itsbeen84yearss · 15/11/2021 13:04

It’s dead in the water. Nothing to salvage here. You could have weeded him out much earlier but you’ve chased so he’s gone along with it. Get yourself a copy of ‘The rules’ and you’ll never , ever go though this again.

Yousexybugger · 15/11/2021 13:07

Really sorry, ghosting sucks. In fact, dating sucks. Definitely solidarity here. Sorry to say but I think your gut feeling might be right, especially after spending so long in the bathroom messaging 'friends'.

Why not return his call, take the lead and say 'look, i think it's clear that things started well between us but seem to have have fizzled out from your side for whatever reason. We don't need to pick over why. No hard feelings but let's leave it here. All the best'.

He will no doubt say he's been busy or something but this way you've taken control of the situation and done yourself a favour by cutting out all the wondering and hoping he gets in touch.

Landof · 15/11/2021 13:10

I'd also message to end things.

A guy ghosted me recently, admittedly it was only a couple of dates but I'd asked about another date and he seemed really keen. I was very much 'no problem if you don't want to meet again' so why lie and then ghost anyway?!

DialSquare · 15/11/2021 13:10

Personally, I'd respond with "sorry can't make it now as I've made other plans" then not contact him again.

HelplesslyHoping · 15/11/2021 13:22

I'm sorry, ghosting is the worst way to end things, but his response today suggests he's going to eek it out more. @Yousexybugger suggestion to take the lead might be the best thing to do. His response will give you some closure.

Hope you're feeling better today and you got through your presentation x

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