Got 'I'm about to be ghosted' anxiety - sad!

[Lucia23]

Been seeing a guy for 2 months after meeting on an app. We did sleep together quickly so I worried it would be over quickly but he consistently called & set up dates each week. Everything was consistent and going well, he came to spend my birthday with me, etc.

Then I went on holiday for a week and he didn't contact me at all until I contacted him. I thought, ok, maybe he just wants to let me enjoy it. When I did get in touch he responded quickly & couldn't wait to see me.

We went to a concert & for dinner a week ago. We had a great night & he said he'd missed me and was glad I was back. Cuddled up to me all night & in morning as I left for work, he said he was looking forward to seeing me soon as always.

Then nothing until I contacted him after 5 days (compared to all the calls before). This was about meeting up tomorrow, he read the message yesterday and hasn't responded. I just know he is about to ghost - I feel it in my bones and I also suspect he is seeing someone else because he has not called me for weeks.

It has unexpectedly really upset me. I have cried over it today & I have a really important presentation to give tomorrow which im struggling to concentrate on.

Not sure what I'm looking for...solidarity maybe!

I think you sound like a very emotionally intelligent and warm lady - but I think you are gracing this dude with waaay too much of your time. Alright, he can learn sure - but he has already forgotten his lessons and it's just draining you thinking about this. Like you are pouring a lot of thought into this man who doesn't call you enough. You can do better. You're not marrying this one. Cut your losses and put your considerable energies into another aspect of life until someone more deserving arrives. Which they will. Dont drag it out with more phone-calls asking him to ring you more...- just a 'so long farewell - thanks for the company. Byeeeeee.'

From reading the thread and your reply’s I think He is basically keeping you on the “back burner”
I would walk/run now, he is not worth the bother and you are worth more than that, I get that distance and life gets in the way etc but even so 🤔
Trust your intuition on this one, yea if you want to see him you will probably get to see him again but how great is he?
Is he great enough for you to be on the “back burner”?

@Cnp41

I think you sound like a very emotionally intelligent and warm lady - but I think you are gracing this dude with waaay too much of your time. Alright, he can learn sure - but he has already forgotten his lessons and it's just draining you thinking about this. Like you are pouring a lot of thought into this man who doesn't call you enough. You can do better. You're not marrying this one. Cut your losses and put your considerable energies into another aspect of life until someone more deserving arrives. Which they will. Dont drag it out with more phone-calls asking him to ring you more...- just a 'so long farewell - thanks for the company. Byeeeeee.'

Thank you @Cnp41 - I appreciate that. I tend to find it quite hard to find men that are emotionally intelligent to be honest and it's important to me. You are right, it is draining.

I've realised part of the reason it has taken me so long to break it off is because I don't really want to be alone again in a way. It seems like almost everyone I know is one half of a blissful couple. It's hard sometimes.

@FuckmyHead

From reading the thread and your reply’s I think He is basically keeping you on the “back burner” I would walk/run now, he is not worth the bother and you are worth more than that, I get that distance and life gets in the way etc but even so 🤔 Trust your intuition on this one, yea if you want to see him you will probably get to see him again but how great is he? Is he great enough for you to be on the “back burner”?

The thing is that he actually impressed me more than several men I've previously dated because he was so attentive. How can he possibly think I'd be fine to go from that level of attention to these scraps? Who would put up with it?

I mean, ok it is taking me a bit of time (!) but I think his behaviour is disrespectful.

I just hope that when I break it off he doesn't start calling trying to change my mind. He might just accept it but he might also do the opposite.

I totally understand that but hanging around waiting on this one is just tying you up in knots and blocking your energy from finding someone better. Stick with this one and you will not be 'blissful'. Hes not making you blissful now - you are 'bliss -less' with this character. Right now you are totally minus bliss. That's not how someone should be making you feel. Cut yourself loose with grace and let him go right this moment and free yourself up for the man who gives you the attention you want and deserve. I guarantee you this man is not thinking about you 1/20 of the amount that you are thinking about him. He's not asking his friends about what to do about you. Hes not asking randoms on the tinterwibble either (of which I am one) Hes put a fresh pic on a dating site! Hes still fishing! Let him. A short and firm closing text is all you need and I wouldnt be replying to him after that. Take care lady - there is sooo much better out there for you - seriously !!

soooooooo did you message him

Finish it. He's wasting your time. No doubt married with kids

Hey @incandescentglow. Yes, I did, I explained it started well & had fizzled and that I assumed he either wasn't bothered or now seeing others. Essentially said I had a good time though, all the best.

He replied saying he hadn't ghosted me, that he just 'has a life'. Then some BS about how he tried to keep in touch and ended with 'but if you don't want to meet up anymore that's absolutely fine with me. Take care.' that stung to be honest. He couldn't have sounded less arsed and we did have some nice times together. The way he went cold hurt me.

We spoke on Friday night. He said he'd been in touch about meeting, I waited 5 days until I broke it off. I can do better, I do feel a bit sad that I won't see him again but it was bringing me down.

@Flowers500

Honestly I think you need to end it with him. Tell him that his behaviour has been disrespectful, you’re not a stop gap and you don’t date men who treat you like that. You’re not an option and won’t be treated like one.

Thanks. I kept this in mind when I finally decided to bite the bullet. Feeling quite down now though.

I think any sort of angst and over analysis like this is not worth it. I wish I had known this 15 years ago but every time I stressed and chased and lost sleep over no texts. And ended up with someone who has been hot and cold (mostly cold) because I put up with it at the start. Hold out for something more.

@thedarkling he was actually very consistent until a fortnight ago. Always called when he said he would and more, wanted to see me lots.

I resent the I have a life and saying 'if you don't want to meet up' in his reply. I haven't seen him for 2.5 weeks. It was blatantly obvious who wasn't bothered.

I want to be with someone who starts consistent and stays that way.

Keep positive OP. You would not believe the amount of friends I’ve had who have clung onto men like this who are essentially just stringing them along just in case nobody’better’ comes along. It always ends months down the line with him meeting someone new and friend having wasted all that time and having to nurse a broken heart. You’ve got out quickly, you’ll feel a bit sad for a few weeks and then can get back on the horse.

Thanks @Missrabbitt. I promised myself that when I got back into dating I'd leave if I saw red flags early stages. Previously I've ignored this and carried on!

I couldn't put up with going from feeling special and happy, to that he could take or leave me. I would've felt terrible about myself if I'd stayed.

I know it stings a bit now and may take time time to make peace with but i promise this is the last kind of person you need in your life

when dating you want to find someone who wants to talk to you and makes it clear they're into you and someone who cant wait to see you, makes you feel excited but this twat was just bringing you down

chin up, date on x

@incandescentglow

I know it stings a bit now and may take time time to make peace with but i promise this is the last kind of person you need in your life

when dating you want to find someone who wants to talk to you and makes it clear they're into you and someone who cant wait to see you, makes you feel excited but this twat was just bringing you down

chin up, date on x

It's sad because he was doing all the things you described and I thought I'd finally met a decent guy! So disappointing when I realised he was just the same.

I don't know why he changed. I don't know how he could have expected me to put with that garbage behaviour either.

I have actually been ill lately and had just seen the doctor when I last spoke to him. He seemed to care but then went 5 days not talking? And I have been feeling awful and had to go for tests today. It really brought it home to me, to be wasting my time on this person who doesn't care to even ask how im doing.

At least I'm seeing friends this weekend. I need it.