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Original poster

Got 'I'm about to be ghosted' anxiety - sad!

90 replies

Lucia23 · 14/11/2021 19:04

Been seeing a guy for 2 months after meeting on an app. We did sleep together quickly so I worried it would be over quickly but he consistently called & set up dates each week. Everything was consistent and going well, he came to spend my birthday with me, etc.

Then I went on holiday for a week and he didn't contact me at all until I contacted him. I thought, ok, maybe he just wants to let me enjoy it. When I did get in touch he responded quickly & couldn't wait to see me.

We went to a concert & for dinner a week ago. We had a great night & he said he'd missed me and was glad I was back. Cuddled up to me all night & in morning as I left for work, he said he was looking forward to seeing me soon as always.

Then nothing until I contacted him after 5 days (compared to all the calls before). This was about meeting up tomorrow, he read the message yesterday and hasn't responded. I just know he is about to ghost - I feel it in my bones and I also suspect he is seeing someone else because he has not called me for weeks.

It has unexpectedly really upset me. I have cried over it today & I have a really important presentation to give tomorrow which im struggling to concentrate on.

Not sure what I'm looking for...solidarity maybe! Flowers

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 15/11/2021 13:34

Going to buck the trend here and say wait a bit. Put the ball back in his court, you're now not available tonight, see what the response is if you cool it down a bit.

Yousexybugger · 15/11/2021 13:39

@Summerhillsquare

Going to buck the trend here and say wait a bit. Put the ball back in his court, you're now not available tonight, see what the response is if you cool it down a bit.
I might agree if it was just tonight but it was the whole holiday, nothing for 5 days after OP arranged a concert and had him over. You want enthusiasm at this stage
Crunchymum · 15/11/2021 13:49

[quote Lucia23]@WheatlandTerrier he has just got back to me saying 'sorry for the delay' and that he can meet for a few hours but he is busy after 5pm. Also a missed call.

I'm inclined to finish it and just say it seems like things have fizzled out, shall we leave it there. He would never have left me hanging/until the last minute like that before.[/quote]
Don't accept his crumbs.

Take some power back and tell him it's over. Don't ask him "shall we leave it?"

Interested in this thread?

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Dating General relationships
Original poster
Lucia23 · 15/11/2021 14:35

@Summerhillsquare

Going to buck the trend here and say wait a bit. Put the ball back in his court, you're now not available tonight, see what the response is if you cool it down a bit.
He called me again when I didn't reply. Asked how I was and told him I was going in for the presentation, which he gave me some last minute encouragement about. He then apologised he couldn't meet for longer due to work and asked what other days I'd be free. I said I'd get back to him.

I think I'll probably end up saying...I've had a great couple of months...but we've gone from talking a lot to barely any contact & it feels out of sight out of mind. I'm on the fence.

Otherwise I just end it. I do feel sad about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucia23 · 15/11/2021 14:36

@Yousexybugger

Really sorry, ghosting sucks. In fact, dating sucks. Definitely solidarity here. Sorry to say but I think your gut feeling might be right, especially after spending so long in the bathroom messaging 'friends'.

Why not return his call, take the lead and say 'look, i think it's clear that things started well between us but seem to have have fizzled out from your side for whatever reason. We don't need to pick over why. No hard feelings but let's leave it here. All the best'.

He will no doubt say he's been busy or something but this way you've taken control of the situation and done yourself a favour by cutting out all the wondering and hoping he gets in touch.

Leaning towards this response at the moment.
OP posts:
Floraflower3 · 15/11/2021 18:01

Joining in solidarity. Had been talking to a guy for months, shared a lot. Gave him multiple chances to meet up (and multiple get out of jail free cards previously which he didn’t take) - but he was taking the piss with excuses so we’ve both left it.

I’m so hurt and feel like I’ve wasted so much time and energy Sad

Blackmagicqueen · 15/11/2021 18:17

Oh gosh I'm so sorry op, what a coward! If it is any consolation that man really sounds like he is missing a backbone; he will not be a good life partner! You have definately had a lucky escape!

Blackmagicqueen · 15/11/2021 18:19

Oh just catching upon your update op, he sounds inconsistent and flaky. Hmmm...i wouldn't be sure.

Original poster
Lucia23 · 15/11/2021 18:40

@Blackmagicqueen

Oh just catching upon your update op, he sounds inconsistent and flaky. Hmmm...i wouldn't be sure.
@Blackmagicqueen still thinking about what to do, but going to bite the bullet point tonight either way.

I'm now thinking I'll call and open with I've noticed the conversation has dropped off in recent weeks & that is an issue for me because I need to maintain that connection between dates. And give him the chance to tell me where his head is at

I suspect he still likes me but doesn't feel like putting significant effort in anymore/seeing others. Time for him to know my boundaries and that I don't put up with this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucia23 · 15/11/2021 18:42

@Floraflower3

Joining in solidarity. Had been talking to a guy for months, shared a lot. Gave him multiple chances to meet up (and multiple get out of jail free cards previously which he didn’t take) - but he was taking the piss with excuses so we’ve both left it.

I’m so hurt and feel like I’ve wasted so much time and energy Sad

Rubbish isn't it? I think they put forward the best possible versions of themselves they can muster and then the mask slips.

I understand how if feels like time wasted!

OP posts:
turnthebiglightoff · 15/11/2021 18:54

He is showing you who he is. He doesn't like you, like you like him. Listen to him telling you who he is!

Original poster
Lucia23 · 17/11/2021 08:11

@turnthebiglightoff I like him but not at the falling in love stage yet thankfully.

I haven't spoken to him yet although he's left a few missed calls now.

I met him on a dating app & during one of the rare times I actually checked it yesterday I noticed he had added a new photo! We haven't had the exclusive chat yet but we've been sleeping together for a while. It made me feel bad tbh.

OP posts:
Itsbeen84yearss · 17/11/2021 08:20

Next. Writing’s on the wall. Women who carry on with men like this are self- destructive

Journeynotdestination · 17/11/2021 08:21

Seeing your last update I would definitely end it. Who needs this crappy behaviour? It should be wonderful at this stage. Don’t let him breadcrumb you. You are worth so much more!

Atla · 17/11/2021 08:27

"no hard feelings" and next!

Kingoftheroad · 17/11/2021 13:32

I would meet him in person and have an honest, open, grown up conversation about it. He sounds like a decent guy and has been trying to call you - he may have other stuff going on - I’d give him a chance

Lucythewonderdog · 17/11/2021 13:37

If you’ve had a few missed calls off him then why not just call him back?

SparklyDino · 17/11/2021 13:49

@Itsbeen84yearss

Next. Writing’s on the wall. Women who carry on with men like this are self- destructive

This I'm afraid. I suspect he's got another woman on the go, and you're his fallback.

I mean who texts on the bathroom!!

NEXT!

sofakingcool · 17/11/2021 13:52

[quote Lucia23]@turnthebiglightoff I like him but not at the falling in love stage yet thankfully.

I haven't spoken to him yet although he's left a few missed calls now.

I met him on a dating app & during one of the rare times I actually checked it yesterday I noticed he had added a new photo! We haven't had the exclusive chat yet but we've been sleeping together for a while. It made me feel bad tbh.[/quote]
Oh don't put up with that crap!

Original poster
Lucia23 · 17/11/2021 16:19

He's called again!

He must be able to sense my being on the verge of pulling the plug. I will call him back, I've just been putting it off.

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 17/11/2021 17:26

@Lucia23 you have got this. You are worth more.

I'm just trying to find the word for mine before he gets in first. We are out Saturday night. But I'd rather go with friends than with someone who isn't really into me.

IncompleteSenten · 17/11/2021 17:35

With that update about him adding a new photo to his profile I'd say it's clear he's keeping his options open but trying to chuck you enough crumbs that you'll climb back into bed with him if he wants a shag.

BloodyAlarms · 17/11/2021 18:03

During this thread I've sat firmly on the fence.

His new picture on line puts me firmly on the 'just block and move on' side. I wouldn't even tell him why, he didn't afford you the same.

Breakingmad · 17/11/2021 18:06

This actually crossed my mind. Until I went on hol, he was calling all the time. Everything seemed to change when I went away.

But then we saw each other 2 days after I returned - why bother if that was the reason?

What was he like when he saw you? Normal and appropriately interested in your holiday?

Strangevipers · 17/11/2021 18:12

New photo on dating app isn't giving me good vibes