If OH is out for the night, do you expect to hear from them?

[MaggieFS]

DH is out for drinks with a former work colleague and I haven't a clue when he'll be back. It doesn't really matter but it's set me wondering. If your OH is out, do they text during the evening or let you know when they'll be home/set off back?

I grew up with parents who always liked to know that I'd arrived safely somewhere so I'm in the habit or preempting that by texting e.g. 'likely to be out until 10pm' early on during an evening followed by 'on the train, back at 10.15' once I'm heading home.

I guess I'm also not used to this... we have two young DC so nights out are a rarity plus he's only just gone back into the office and I'm finding it odd to have had zero contact. But as I said, it doesn't matter, as long as he's home by the morning!!

We don’t tend to stay out very late now as we live in a rather dangerous city, unfortunately, crime is terrible atm. So, if he’ll be home by 11, I wouldn’t expect any texts; if it’s later, I would, just to let me know that everything’s OK and a rough time when he’ll be back. I’d be worrying otherwise and vice versa if I’m the one out.

Yes to let me know when they will be home

No, not usually. Sometimes he might, but he's the kind of person who gives all his energy and attention to to situation he's in, so he's usually focused on what he's doing and not thinking about texting me. That's fine, I don't need to monitor his movements.

He'll text to tell me when he'll be home and if that changes he'll let me know because he knows I would worry. Other than that, not really, maybe if something interesting/funny that he wants to share with me.

No. We'd only message if there had been some major change in plan.

No. Of my husband is going out after work he will usually call me just before he goes out just to catch up on our days and then I don't expect to hear from him all night and I won't initiate contact either. How embarrassing for him if he keeps having to check in with the wife. He gets home when he gets home.

Couples have different communication patterns and set their own expectations with each other.

Generally we wouldn’t text, unless to ask something practical.

Not unless there was a specific reason - missed the last train etc

No. He would probably get home after I've gone to bed so I wouldn't want a text telling me what time he's setting off for home/due back.

No. Equally I wouldn't check in with my husband when out. I'd want him to have a good Time

No, we don’t bother.

Yes but only in that we live very rurally and I'm normally his lift home, so he will message with an optimistic time that he would like me to collect him and I'll reply with a more realistic time that in happy to stay up until!

Yes , but just to find out a rough home time / or where he is if hes been a lot longer then expected.

No, not at all.
We both go out pretty regularly, neither of us text the other at any point.

I’m interested now. Those of you who who exchange chatty texts during a night out with friends, do you also do the same during the work day? We do neither.

Doesn’t matter what we do, you just need to agree it in advance what you want. Our rule is to let the other know if we’ll be after midnight.

I don’t exchange chatty texts when out.

More of a start or end of night exchange.

No, I wouldn't usually hear from him when he's out for the night. He wouldn't bother texting me to let me know what time he'll be home as he knows I'll probably be asleep!

Not as a rule unless there's a change in plans (eg "I won't be back for dinner after all, eat without me"). Definitely no expectation nor any worry if there's no contact otherwise, we know that both of us are prone to turning "a quiet one" into "a late one" and rolling in at 4.

In practice, messages if bored on the way home or pictures of dogs in pubs will often get sent (and sometimes drunken mushy stuff too).

no not at all.

But I usually know roughly what time he'll be back before hand, because I know the plan for the evening. If that changed he'd let me know

If DH goes out he will usually text at some point to ask if DD went down ok at bedtime and will then text when he's booked his taxi/is in his taxi.
The text on his way home is because if he's been out drinking, he gets to sleep in the spare room (and doesn't disturb me!) so I'll have a rough idea of it being him if I hear a noise!

When I'm out, I send the same texts.

My partner never messaged me when we he used to go out, but kept messaging me when I went out though, In the end I told him I'm not answering you, you don't message me when you are out and I don't bother you. X

I would text my husband for a lift at the end of a night out and vice versa. Otherwise, no.

No. I was also wouldn't text him unless something unusual had happened, or I had decided to stay at a friend's or similar.

Growing up with a mother who was so hideously controlling around this sort of thing, and absolutely HAVING to know where we were and who were with at any given time (which I know recognise came from a place of extreme anxiety, but still), has pushed me so far in the opposite direction that I actually don't want to know, unless there is blood, bullets or fire.

@gannett

Not as a rule unless there's a change in plans (eg "I won't be back for dinner after all, eat without me"). Definitely no expectation nor any worry if there's no contact otherwise, we know that both of us are prone to turning "a quiet one" into "a late one" and rolling in at 4.

In practice, messages if bored on the way home or pictures of dogs in pubs will often get sent (and sometimes drunken mushy stuff too).

Actually, yes, dogs/cats of interest are the exception to the rule.