If OH is out for the night, do you expect to hear from them?

[MaggieFS]

DH is out for drinks with a former work colleague and I haven't a clue when he'll be back. It doesn't really matter but it's set me wondering. If your OH is out, do they text during the evening or let you know when they'll be home/set off back?

I grew up with parents who always liked to know that I'd arrived safely somewhere so I'm in the habit or preempting that by texting e.g. 'likely to be out until 10pm' early on during an evening followed by 'on the train, back at 10.15' once I'm heading home.

I guess I'm also not used to this... we have two young DC so nights out are a rarity plus he's only just gone back into the office and I'm finding it odd to have had zero contact. But as I said, it doesn't matter, as long as he's home by the morning!!

@ReginaaPhalange we always have a laugh the next day about my texts. Not that I go out much!! But when I do, I declare my everlasting luuurvvee and other stuff 🤣

No. I find it rude when I'm out with someone and they're sitting there texting someone else. I never wait up for him but I'm always awake later than he is so I'd never be asleep when he gets home.

We tend to exchange the odd message during the course of an evening - he knows I am always up for a photo of a dog in a bar, for example - and usually he will message to say “having a last drink at X place, home after that” type thing. If it’s an early evening thing like drinks after football he will message asking if we need anything from the shops on the way home. I do the same.

Depends on the situation. If he texts me a few times when he's out I worry he's not really having a good time!

We would usually tell each other what our plans are roughly for the evening - what sort of time we'd probably be coming back. Then if that changes we'd message each other to let each other know. That seems pretty normal courteous behaviour to me... I wouldn't expect any contact other wise though as I'd expect him to be enjoying his night out too much to be messing about with his phone.

Some very needy people in relationships

He’d usually says as he’s heading home or as evenings drawing to a close.

I wouldn’t settle til he’s home. Not because of trust issues but anxiety. That all started years ago when we had a very unreliable car. Was like it when he was due home from work too

I would find it suffocating if my DP wanted to know what time I was likely to be out till every time I went out for a pint.

@Flippyflops2021 same here! He will always ask how's the head lol! He's a good egg!
My days of nights out are long gone now! Bun in the oven so nights out drinking cocktails will be swapped with a different type of bottle lol!!

Yes but only to let me know he's on the way home. If after 11pm I tell him not to as might be asleep. I do the same when out without him.

Nope. DH is out with a mate tonight. I’m about to go to bed and put ear plugs in so he doesnt wake me when he comes home drunk. I’ll see him in the morning.

@Mumoblue

Yeah, but only in a broad sense. I’m a worrier so I like the occasional update so I know they’re not in a ditch somewhere, and I generally like to know what time they’re coming home.

This is me. I'm a worrier. I can't sleep properly until he is home

No.
If it’s not too late I might say I’m on the way home but usually not as I don’t want to wake them up if they’re asleep and if not they’ll know I’m home when I get in.

No we've never checked in when out. But I did worry about my teenage offspring and asked for check ins when they had arrived somewhere

No

Yes he will probably send a message to check in or to say he’s on way home etc. Otherwise I’d assume either he’s legless or maybe lost his phone 😂

I would do it, and I would expect it.

Yes but only if there’s an update on what time he might be back. DH went out tonight for dinner with his boss and a couple of other colleagues. He texted after the meal to say they were going to the pub. And he’s just texted to say he’s on his way back.
I wouldn’t expect any conversational chat over text while he was out or anything like that.

Not an expectation or a demand it’s more of an exchange like this-

DH. I’m out after work tonight
me. Oh yeah have a good time, when will you be back?
DH. Not sure but it won’t be a late one/not sure but James is out so it might get messy/I’m driving I’ll be back for goggle box
Me- ok, don’t wake me then/see you later/tomorrow.

Something like that.

And if he says it won’t be a late one and I’d say by 11ish if he’s not back, I’ll text and say “off to bed, see you in the morning xx” and he’ll reply and say something like “heading back soon, love you”
Or “it’s getting messy, night!”

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

I would find it suffocating if my DP wanted to know what time I was likely to be out till every time I went out for a pint.

Neither of us really ask each other when we'll be back, I wouldn't care if he was out all night and he'd be the same. It just seems like a sensible and normal part of living with someone to say - I'll probably be back around 11/tomorrow morning or whatever. Similarly its not an issue if plans change but it would be odd to not just send a quick text to let each other know

Dh rarely goes out. But he generally would text saying 'kids Ok, or you OK?'
Or prob gonna grab food on way home do u want anything and where from.

There has been times i haven't heard from Himbut I always send a message saying everything locked up I'm off to bed or whatever.

I think we do as he used to work in the entertainment industry in pubs etc so if j couldn't go for whatever reason even pre kids. He'd say oh xyz is here surprised to see them here on a weds night. Just general chit chat especially if his evening was boring

If I go out which again is rare as I prefer home I just text like walking to car with friend (I don't drink) going to drop her off then be back /getting food /even been doing a tesco top up shop haha

And to add its not constant messages just the odd one or 2

Varies. It’s unusual for complete radio silence and he’d usually say he was drunk/absorbed in gossip if so. If he’s out with just one person I often get chatty updates when they go to the loo. Fairly often he’ll send chattier updates or let me know there’s gossip to hear in the way home! Or a text to say ‘are you still up, fancy a glass of wine and a chat’. We have young kids and he isn’t into clubs or whatever so the latest he’d ever be home is probably 2 and that would be v notable- more like 12:30ish if it’s a biggie

I wouldn't usually say what time I'd be home. But would always say when I was on my way back. Other than that wouldn't text at all.