Relentless demands for money at primary school

[WildWombat]

DS hasn't started school yet, but so many of my friends with older kids have been telling me about this. Expect constant requests for contributions to this, that or the other. Non uniform days, bake sales, charity events etc etc. Normally money but also costumes/dress up, or things to donate for selling. Has anyone come up with a good way of managing all these requests? Do you give something every time it's asked for, or do you just select a few and not bother with the others? It sounds like a minefield and when DS starts reception I want to go in feeling prepared to start as I mean to go on, so any advice v welcome!

A standing order or a £50 donation at the beginning of the year (as suggested by others) wouldn't work as the school would have to employ an accountant to sort it all out !!

Most schools do have a school fund which someone "sorts out" though.

I always preferred to give to the PTA as we did publish accounts of how the money had been spent. Never saw that for the school fund. My kids did enjoy the events too. And I enjoyed the socisl events for adults.

Ours is pretty reasonable IMO - 20p a week donation towards crafts, £1 next week for children in need, music lessons are £100 a term but that’s optional, school photographs (but obviously optional - and totally doing them as Christmas presents for parents). The only trip they’ve been on was funded by a local society so was completely free which was brilliant! It’s in a mixed catchment though and I think they do try to keep costs down.

When I compare it to the fortune I spent on nursery I find I can live with the primary school ones!

DD1 is in year 1 in an affluent area. So far this year its been £8 for a school trip and dress up in bright colours with a suggested donation of £1. It’s generally not really expensive. The big thing to look out for is world book day, the trick is to choose a costume you can assemble from home rather than buying an expensive fancy dress costume.

For fear of sounding like a complete misery guts, we don't do any of the dress up days.

Non uniform is fine and I'm happy to pay the £1 but dress up days are my utter bug bear.

World book day for example. What has me going to one of the big supermarkets and spending a tenner on a costume got to do with books / reading. Surely it's much more relevant to dedicate an extra bit if time to reading on WBD and each kid brings in thier favourite book?

Most people just end up sending their kids in fancy dress. Nowt to do with any books

(I am aware that some people really do make their own costumes for WBD and they actually are related to the child's favourite book. I do not have the time, money or the creativity to do this)

I don't build shit unless there is absolutely getting around it, I don't take on extra work (every half term there are loads of optional tasks. Often a lot of them would involve me doing most of the work!) and I don't feel guilty about my stance. We certainly aren't the only ones.

Bake sales and charity events I just bung a couple of quid in. There are always enough "PTA mom's" so we are never short of people to bake and man stalls.

What I do make an effort to do is attend school trips (the nicer ones are always snapped up but I did get to go and pick up litter in a local park, in the rain, last week with Y1 ). I also volunteer for "reading mornings" once a week where I am allocated a class and a group of kids and we all read together.

@Crunchymum to be fair, son was a bookworm and we would spend time talking about all his favourite characters and working out what we could do with the costumes/dress up/clothes we already had. It was the best part of the demands for money - we had a blast.

I always tipped up so that son didn't look 'different' but there were times when I truly begrudged it.

Elfton yes of course schools have someone who sorts payments - usually the secretary/receptionist/office staff (title maybe vary). But if they have an extra job of having to take money from one set of donations (ie the £50) to another set (ie comic relief) to another (PTA funds) to another (swimming lessons) or whatever that is a lot of work especially with several 100 kids in a school.

Further to the PP who asked how secondary schools manage with funding, it's done on a different basis and scale so they are not as sensitive to fluctuations in pupil numbers. At £6k per pupil, our local village primary is undersubscribed by 10 this year so it's a £60k black hole for them. That's massive.

For those that want to and can afford to support their local school, if you don't want to give money then consider buying some resources directly for them. It makes a huge difference to the teachers, especially when they can reuse each year and not have to make choices on a very limited educational budget. Most of the funding schools receive goes on staff and running the building.

@Legoisthebest

Elfton yes of course schools have someone who sorts payments - usually the secretary/receptionist/office staff (title maybe vary). But if they have an extra job of having to take money from one set of donations (ie the £50) to another set (ie comic relief) to another (PTA funds) to another (swimming lessons) or whatever that is a lot of work especially with several 100 kids in a school.

It's a lot more work if they are taking £1.23 and notes requring change over the counter though than an electronic payment system.

It’s really not a big deal, and they’re not demands for money. Stuff like bake sales, charity events you really don’t have to have anything to do with them if you don’t want to. We’ve had one non uniform day so far, £1 that’s it. I didn’t go to the Bake sale. No biggy

Lots of parents do participate and do want to though so I don’t blame the schools for putting these events on, they do need the extra money

Elfton what I meant was that the 20p on a cake or £1 towards Comic Relief or 50p on a paperback at the xmas fair can't really come out of a standing order or a one off donation. Most school offices are completely cash free - it's all (trips, lunches etc) done via Parent Pay etc.
Any other money is for specific events (charity etc) so it's separate.
PTA money is held separately too.
Someone could make a one off payment to the school via the PTA if they wanted too but that wouldn't cover £1 for charity or School Dinners or whatever.

My school are very sensitive about this. Everything is voluntary and nothing is pushed too heavily. Generally it's Red Nose Day, Children-In-Need and Harvest Festival and then a dressing up day like WBD.

In terms of costumes - found all of DS's fancy dress costumes for school events in charity shops - never paid more than £3. Or cobbled them together from items at home.

My daughter's school had a fundraising plea for a charity when my child was in Reception. She was off sick the day the letter came out so I had no idea about any of it.
The following week I go to pick her up, to find her sobbing her heart out. Properly crying, bless her. Teacher said she was upset because all children whose parents had donated to Compass Buzz, had been handed a bag of sweeties..... Obviously I hadn't as I had no idea about it, so I was FURIOUS. It was the first time anyone had made my kid cry & my first experience of wanting to fiercely defend her.
Yes, I know it's only a bag of sweets but it broke her little heart. Moral of the story is to read every single Newsletter (or however your school updates you on school-wide info), check their book bag & planner every single afternoon and interrogate your child! 🙄

Poor girl cried in her sleep that night 💔

@RIPWalter

Day before half term £2 for pumpkin carving competition (+cost to buy pumpkin £2ish)

Last week pajama day £2.50 not even sure why

Next week children in need £2 plus raffle tickets £1 each.

So in less than a month it will be over £8.50 for one child. It does seem excessive, and really tough for families in low income and families with more than one kid at the school.

£2.50?! That's gone up! London by any chance?! Non-uniform inflation! 😆

My son is in primary 5 and I literally can’t think of the last time we were asked for money. Maybe for a book fair pre covid? They were also selling poppies this week for a donation. They don’t do dress up for Pudsey or World Book Day because it’s too much of an expectation for parents to be forking out all the time

DC’s primary school was a nightmare for this PTA-driven make/buy/sponsor rubbish, it was absolutely relentless. Now they’re in secondary school we’ve signed up for the monthly DD to the school and we get left in peace, it’s bliss.

@Almostmenopausal that’s awful, your poor DD.

@WildWombat

Oh God, it's sounding like a barrel of laughs. Does anyone just not do some of these things? I mean, just opt out of sending cakes for the bake sale or giving gin for the hamper? I get that some things would have to be done for the sake of the kids, because they want to be part of it or are afraid of being left out, but honestly with working full time I can't imagine having the brain space to deal with all the constant demands. Not to mention the budgeting nightmare. How about the school just asks for a £50 (or whatever) one off payment and then cuts the crap for the year?!

I'm not trying to worry you - more 'prepare' you. But honestly, as a Mum who is currently on long term sabbatical & therefore at home mom-fri, it STILL sometimes feels like at least a part time occupation. To be fair, we do spend over an hour in the car total per day commuting (mandatory for real reasons) but then there's homework, reading books every night followed by the online quiz on said book, then the wonderful Purple Mash online additional schoolwork that is "Not mandatory but preferred" (in other words you'll feel like you could potentially be considered a shit parent if you don't), weekly coffee mornings, after school clubs which you often forget about, which leaves you roaming free for 60 mins, play dates, random sale tables that pop up on the playground without warning that find you agreeing to owe a TA £5.50 for a tiny knitted Santa hat covering a Terry's Chocolate Orange (yes, really.....). Oh and of course the lovely Harvest Festivals & Nativities which become the hot topic of the playground, along with those parents who bring every family member and lumber most of the rest of us totally unable to see our own child, resulting in requesting to see everyone else's videos in the hope of a glimpse of your child's performance which you spent the best part of your afternoon attending, only to end up watching some Dad's dandruff. The Harvest festival in particular, requires donations of fresh fruit & veg and pantry food, to be donated to the food bank - great! No problem with this one at all! However it always seems to result in the same group of parents competing to out-do each other! "Oh I just chucked some Samphire, Mange Tout & Pattypan Squash in a hessian bag with 2 kilos of Bulgar Wheat 🤷🏼‍♀️ To hell with it, I thought"

🤨

@Almostmenopausal I hit the roof when the notice that the kids would be in fancy dress for Halloween on the first day back from half term went out on the last day before half term - when son wasn't in school. So there was the horrendous lack of notice and the complete absence of any chance of knowing that he needed a costume. As I pointed out, the school had two email addresses for us and the phone numbers of three separate people. It shouldn't have been that hard to contact us.

I felt a bit bad afterwards as while I wasn't shouty, I was intense and it was the teacher's first teaching job, but I was livid. Fortunately I was (a) not working so I could pick up the costume and drop it in for son to change into and (b) lived less than five minutes from the school so he could get changed just after register.

Once upon a time you needed two clear working days to serve a notice of hearing in the county court. We got a lot less notice that the kids needed to turn up as, for example Peruvian wombats or electrified elephants. So you would end up spending money on a quick fix and I swear I spent extra on hard liquor.

[quote Tyredofallthis1]@Almostmenopausal I hit the roof when the notice that the kids would be in fancy dress for Halloween on the first day back from half term went out on the last day before half term - when son wasn't in school. So there was the horrendous lack of notice and the complete absence of any chance of knowing that he needed a costume. As I pointed out, the school had two email addresses for us and the phone numbers of three separate people. It shouldn't have been that hard to contact us.

I felt a bit bad afterwards as while I wasn't shouty, I was intense and it was the teacher's first teaching job, but I was livid. Fortunately I was (a) not working so I could pick up the costume and drop it in for son to change into and (b) lived less than five minutes from the school so he could get changed just after register.

Once upon a time you needed two clear working days to serve a notice of hearing in the county court. We got a lot less notice that the kids needed to turn up as, for example Peruvian wombats or electrified elephants. So you would end up spending money on a quick fix and I swear I spent extra on hard liquor.[/quote]
Sounds about right. At our primary, there's a major, major issue with a general lack of communication, running right through the school. We're all playing guessing games constantly

Our school is in an area of social deprivation and the headteacher is very mindful of this. They do one trip per yeargroup for about £12, swimming lessons one term each, £21, everything else is for PTFA or charity and ranges from 25p to £3, a couple of events a term. All optional.

My DD has been to 2 primary schools. First naice village primary was a money and time drain - mainly driven by the PTA- every week was a donation (which you had to buy back at inflated price), or payment for trip or something or elaborate costume or model or coffee morning or assembly or stay and play. I think DD was only kid with 2 working parents and no grandparents etc around. Second school (post house move) and the demands for money are zero save an optional £1 non uniform (never ever fancy dress) and one local trip per year always under £10. They do have parent assemblies once a term and nativities (where costumes/masks are made in school) but that's all. It's a weight off my mind!

Just recently we have been asked for nursery to donate money as well, the whole pyjamas day. I might be missing something, but isn't it a bit much to be essentially making parents donate to charity even for nursery kids? As if paying for a full time nursery cost for under 3 year old is not bad enough....

I understand the point some people made here, that I don't have to participate if I don't want you, but at the end of day it is my child that doesn't participate. If I do not pay that silly 1 pound, he will be the weird one in the group. Does this not create even more divide by those who can and cannot? Even if that 1 pound might not sound like much to majority of people, but to someone on a given month that could be just too much and a result of it their child will feel bad. Why cannot it be that everyone comes in pyjamas and those would want can donate rather than not being allowed to dress in pyjamas if your parents do not want/cannot afford it?

I always kept a few pounds coins in the car, as my two would always forget until they were just about to go into school. But yes, a pound for this a pound for that, school say it’s voluntary, but it isn’t they ask the kids, if they don’t have it, they say bring it in tomorrow 😂 I don’t miss those days!

@Rusalne

Just recently we have been asked for nursery to donate money as well, the whole pyjamas day. I might be missing something, but isn't it a bit much to be essentially making parents donate to charity even for nursery kids? As if paying for a full time nursery cost for under 3 year old is not bad enough....

I understand the point some people made here, that I don't have to participate if I don't want you, but at the end of day it is my child that doesn't participate. If I do not pay that silly 1 pound, he will be the weird one in the group. Does this not create even more divide by those who can and cannot? Even if that 1 pound might not sound like much to majority of people, but to someone on a given month that could be just too much and a result of it their child will feel bad. Why cannot it be that everyone comes in pyjamas and those would want can donate rather than not being allowed to dress in pyjamas if your parents do not want/cannot afford it?

I don’t believe any school or child minding setting would pick a parent up on not paying. Everyone is aware some can’t afford and it’s alway laid out as a donation