Relentless demands for money at primary school

[WildWombat]

DS hasn't started school yet, but so many of my friends with older kids have been telling me about this. Expect constant requests for contributions to this, that or the other. Non uniform days, bake sales, charity events etc etc. Normally money but also costumes/dress up, or things to donate for selling. Has anyone come up with a good way of managing all these requests? Do you give something every time it's asked for, or do you just select a few and not bother with the others? It sounds like a minefield and when DS starts reception I want to go in feeling prepared to start as I mean to go on, so any advice v welcome!

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

IME (youngest child is in her last year at primary) this term is the worst, with Harvest Festival, Halloween, Children in Need, Christmas….

I don’t do everything. In fact this term I’ve done nothing, largely because I’ve forgotten. Nothing bad has happened.

Why do you forget? It really is starting to grate that grown adults can’t get their admin together- our WhatsApp group is fully of parents “what time is my teacher meeting”..:seriosuly write it down, put it in your calendar and read it ffs

I think a lot of schools now are sensitive to the fact that not everyone can shell out left right and centre. I’d keep a little stash of £1 coins about if you can, and diarise things as they are announced (see other thread from yesterday…) so you have time to find/make things cheaply and remember the dates.

@ifoundthebread

I skip school photos, cheaper to go to max speilman in school uniforms and get a picture together, then print off copies if wanting to give to family. Another thing I do is shop ahead, so once children in need is over, go to asda and get next year's t-shirt for half the price, same for after Xmas with Xmas jumper/t-shirt. Keep an eye on fb Market Place for a costume that could fit world book day. Being prepared saves a fortune, especially with more than one. I keep a small stash of change in my car, all different coins in case there's a cake sale or something I forget about.

Now this is what I'm talking about. Loving the planning here! 😁

How about the school just asks for a £50 (or whatever) one off payment and then cuts the crap for the year?!

The thing is, the kids bloody love all the dress-up and dress-down days, the bakes sales and the stuff that makes the curriculum interesting. Primary school is supposed to be about fostering a love of learning. It’s not supposed to be about making it easier for you poor hassled parent - because you chose to have children.

Mostly it’s not compulsory. You’re a planner - plan to expect £1 charity days, grabbing a packet of cakes to send in now and then and try not to count the cost if you can actually afford it, because even £300 a year is cheap for a child’s education. Plenty of people are on the bones of their arse and can’t afford it, and schools have funds to help them. But if people who can afford it don’t contribute, it’s less likely the people who need it get help. All those annoying bake sales and PTA requests are because the kids enjoy it and the cash goes directly back to where it’s needed.

You’ll be pushed to find a more transparent and direct way of charitable giving in your community, to be honest.

Best top tip I ever got from a parent of older children:

Keep an eye out in charity shops for the following, they will come in helpful for dressing up days:
Flat cap
Waistcoat
Old fashioned looking/have knitted jumper
Old collarless shirt/one you can cut the collar off
Old trousers you can cut ragged ends into
Plain coloured t shirts and leggings (especially black and white)
White sheet/voile etc for the inevitable Y5 Greek day

Add cheap/handmade accessories (head band,,wrap up a small box for a gas mask etc, I’m about the wrap a Halloween trident in foil for Neptune for Greek day).

@Needcoffeecoffeecoffee

Maybe just see how it goes when you are there? No point in worrying about how te pta operates until you are at the school and can suss it out. Is your child at nursery? I disnt find it much different apart from the occasional trips Our school is good at giving a fair bit of notice as lots of the teachers are parents so presume see it from both sides.costumes for plays are mostly provided by the school or lots of advance notice Things likely to happen will be world book day and something for christmas maybe a jumper. Most of the time it will be £1 for children in need and wear your own clothes, bring in something for the food bank Dd doesnt like dressing up so always goes in uniform. We add a £1 in anyway but non of its compulsory.

Yes DS is at nursery but tbf they've never asked for a single thing. Christmas jumper day is voluntary and they don't ask for any money, and there's usually a ticket only summer BBQ that you can go to if you fancy. Not since Covid though. It's a private nursery though, not attached to a school. Maybe that makes a difference?

My school has reduced all this massively since covid, and no longer accept cash. You can make donations via parent pay (the same applies we pay for meals and trips on). The class teacher is unaware of who has or hasn't paid IME, and so are the kids. If you can't afford the optional extras don't pay them. If you want to send something for a raffle it really needn't be a bottle of gin, it could be a box of biscuits or suchlike, just cut your cloth to fit.

My daughter started school in September. So far we have had nothing at all. No mufti days, dressing up days, no requests for cash etc....... so not all schools are like it. They had school photos but you don't have to order them.

I often felt that I'd prefer to hand over a donation of £50/£100 at the start of each year and be done with all the in term fundraising of £1 here and there, and costumes required every so often.
It would be so much easier, particularly for working parents who really don't have time to find (or want) a particular colour T shirt for whatever charity the school is supporting that week, or a tat Christmas jumper or whatever the kids are being asked to wear.

Many, many parents don’t engage with any of it and that’s fine.
You don’t have to donate to any bake sales/raffles etc, of course you don’t.
I would say that the whole school events like £1 for children in need pj day can’t really be avoided.
I can’t really get on board with all the angst about this subject. If you can afford it, donate, if you can’t, don’t.
If you’re truly struggling financially, speak to school. Especially about trips and things like that. Children from low income families are entitled to free school meals and school get extra funding to support them financially.

The "voluntary" contribution at my dc's primary school was €480!!
My son is at secondary now and its €220

"Voluntary" though 🔫

But i never so much as buy a cupcake i feel absolved.

It's really interesting hearing about all these different experiences. Hadn't heard of things like parent pay. Loving the tips about costumes, Ibiza!

Apart from school dinners from (Year 3 or buying food for packed lunch) because obviously your child has to eat you don't have to pay for anything.
Even paid school trips are not compulsory to go on if you don't want to pay.
Best thing is to join the PTA.
My PTA kept events cheap. Cake sale - sold cakes from 20p upwards. Although this does mean people have to donate cakes. But for everyone that can't afford to donate cakes or forgets or doesn't want to they were plenty of people who can and did.
Summer fair/Christmas fair had games for children that again cost 20p a go. Prizes were usually a penny sweet.
A good PTA will have a supply of costumes, Xmas jumpers, secondhand uniforms that can be borrowed or sold cheaply.
You don't have to donate to charity appeals.
You don't have to buy photographs.
Remember one of the things from PTA raised funds is being able to have a discreet fund for those (for example) want their child to go on the residential trip but can't afford it (the PTA doesn't know who this goes to out of privacy for that family) so those £1 here £1 there do add up to really good causes.

@MrsFin

I often felt that I'd prefer to hand over a donation of £50/£100 at the start of each year and be done with all the in term fundraising of £1 here and there, and costumes required every so often. It would be so much easier, particularly for working parents who really don't have time to find (or want) a particular colour T shirt for whatever charity the school is supporting that week, or a tat Christmas jumper or whatever the kids are being asked to wear.

Yes, I agree. The odd thing is fine if the kids find it fun but it does seem like a lot. We live in the arse end of nowhere so it's not like I can nip into Primark on the way home from the school run! I'd much rather be encouraging my kids to be less wasteful and think of the environment, which means if we can't repurpose something we've already got I'm not buying something special.

My ds started in September and so far there have been a few things for sale by the PTA but I haven't bought any of them. I'm going to by some of their Xmas raffle tickets next week but the other things have been stuff I don't want. We were also asked to contribute an item to the local food bank for harvest festival but the list was mostly tinned veg so only talking a few pence. Last week you could make a donation for a poppy but I'd already bought one from somewhere else so just sent him in with that instead, and next week you can send in a donation for children in need own clothes day but they have only asked for "a silver coin" and it's supposed to come in a sealed envelope anyway. So I guess so far there have been lots of opportunities to spend money but very few obligations and those have been of low value anyway. Obviously to a very low income family even a low value extra contribution will be a significant burden but I think in general the approach to donations has been quite sensible.

Ds1's primary school used to charge for swimming and then most of the lessons were cancelled by the swimming pool due to refurbishment. I don't even think schools were supposed to charge for swimming because it was a council pool.

They also charged for a Xmas thing at the local church even though the church hadn't charged. When this was discovered there was a big scandal 😄

The headmistress was a right money grabber.

You could raise it with the pta or school management. Our council area recognised a few years ago that 1 in 6 children in our area are in poverty and there was a city wide initiative for schools to reduce the financial demands on families.

I find it relentless, our standard week at school costs: Dinner Money £23, After school club £28, Swimming £3, Hockey £3

How much of this is optional, and how much is unavoidable?

Surely people factor in that having children costs money when they are planning on having a family. Things like school uniform and feeding children have an unavoidable cost. Obviously there are ways to save money - second hand uniform and packed lunches, but a lot of the extras that schools ask for (not demand, ask) are simply optional.

When mine were in primary school, there was something almost every week, requiring £2 to £10 each time. There were endless sales of things to raise funds - international food days, school fairs, competitions, raffles, etc. The children enjoy them, and often there is a learning aspect. The international food days were brilliant, lots of different cuisines, freshly home cooked by parents, I always donated and bought a lot. Parents felt very connected to the school.
Now my children are in secondary, there is just one thing this term - Christmas jumper day. It's not the same really, I'd prefer more, but I suppose there are other things to focus on in Secondary

Honestly, they might as well just ask you to set up a standing order and be done with it.

One of the reasons I really dislike these requests is that schools in rich areas will inevitably have parents who can afford to donate a lot more than poor areas leading to better funded schools for richer kids.

The constant requests don't happen at secondary school. I wonder how they manage?

They do at our two different secondaries!
Last month non uniform, £2
Non uniform for children in need next week £2
Voluntary school contribution £30
That's x2!

Trips, holidays, lunches, books/revision guides.
It's more expensive than primary with the uniform requirements too!

@WildWombat

I've heard some horror stories about pushy PTAs. Really hoping DS's is a nice one that doesn't get stroppy if you can't contribute. Nobody needs a guilt trip on top of everything else.

What was much much more valuable (as a former pta chair) than a quid/cake/raffle prize was the offer of helping out at an event. If you can spare an hour to stand at the cake stall, or raffle, or soak the teacher, that's worth so much more!

Secondly, if your child/family is eligible for pupil premium (used to be recognised by free school meals but as ks1 kids get those now you'd need to check eligibility) then the cost of 'enrichment' trips should absolutely come out of this funding. Speak to someone at school if you are eligible - this had a HUGE impact on my kids when they were at primary.

Finally, nobody can force a payment for an optional school event. They certainly won't be calling you to collect dc if they've not paid 50p but still dared to turn up 8n non-uniform. Just tell the kids you've already paid.

(Young voices and school photos are an absolute rip off anyway, the school gets pennies if any commission, completely optional)

DDs school/attached playgroup did a crowdfunder last year for a timber sheltered outdoor classroom area. It was a massive success and raised the full amount really quickly and the outdoor classroom is great and getting loads of use. I'd much rather this way of fundraising for specific targets and pay as you feel/can afford with the option of staying anonymous.

Then just token amount 50p for dress up days rather than the £2 or £2.50 DDs school charges which just feels like totally unreasonable pressure on low income families.

I had an argument with DDs school once because I'd forgotten to pay the "voluntary" contribution. They chased me twice.
As I am nothing if not pedantic, I reminded them it was voluntary. Their response was that they didn't chase parents they knew would struggle to pay it.
I asked them how they knew I could afford it. They couldn't answer.

I think there's a difference between the PTA type fundraising, which is usually fairly easy to be as involved or uninvolved as you like, and the endless charity events some schools run.

I don't mind PTA type events as people can choose if they want to go, and the occasional non-uniform day for £1 isn't too much stress.

My pet hate is when there's too many charity events within the school that require parents to make a cash donation to whatever this week's charity is AND then spend more money on assorted items to participate (eg bright socks, wear something yellow, Christmas pyjamas).

As a teacher I try to talk people out of endless fundraising because I want to spend my money on my family and charities I personally support, not be pressured to engage in whatever idea someone has decided will make them look good and get nice photos for the website. I imagine many parents feel the same.