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Original poster

So rude people know they're rude?

78 replies

squeakyfluffy · 09/11/2021 19:57

After having a rude encounter with a customer today in work, it actually got me thinking... do rude people know that they are rude? Or is it something they are completely unaware of? Do they mean to be ignorant and simply not care? Like for example I'm always very upbeat, chatty, outgoing but has there been a time where someone has thought I was extremely rude that I was completely unaware of. Of does it boil down to how sensitive and easily offended we as individuals are?

I hope you understand what I'm saying...

What's your thoughts?

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 09/11/2021 20:00

I’m an Aspie.

I’m always being rude without meaning to. Things just come out wrong. All of the time. Every day.

It’s really exhausting.

TurnUpTurnip · 09/11/2021 20:00

Yes they know

iwishiwasafish · 09/11/2021 20:02

My DH has ASD. He is often rude without having a clue.

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IncompleteSenten · 09/11/2021 20:02

There's no single answer.

Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they are rude. Sometimes the other person is oversensitive. I don't think many people are rude all the time.

TurnUpTurnip · 09/11/2021 20:05

I don’t think everyone that’s rude is autistic (as someone who has an autistic child) some people are just rude!

CeliaCanth · 09/11/2021 20:08

My PILs are appallingly rude and are blissfully ignorant of the effect it has on others.

vincettenoir · 09/11/2021 20:12

I think when I’m rude it’s because I am really stretched and exhausted. Usually when I have my normal level of resilience I am considerate and polite.

Ilikewinter · 09/11/2021 20:13

I think that people who are rude to staff do so because they know the member of staff will need to bite their tongue.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 09/11/2021 20:16

I think it's a bit of both. Sometimes we are too sensitive and take offence when none was meant.
Some rude people know they are rude and don't care. One of my acquaintances says "I'm not rude, I'm honest". She's rude.
And sometimes people come across as rude because they are autistic and don't realise what they have said.

pastabest · 09/11/2021 20:21

My MIL is frequently very rude to people but she would be absolutely horrified if she knew that's how it was being perceived or that she had unintentionally upset someone. I don't think it's ASD more of a anxiety thing. The best example I can think of is she's a bit like Hyacinth Bucket, so determined to make sure she is seen to be 'proper' that she ends up being the opposite.

On one or two occasions something I've witnessed her say has actually made my jaw drop. I once nipped back into a venue to apologise/explain for something she had said at the end of the meal and the staff were already in full WTAF just happened mode to each other as I walked back in.

Her whole family are like that though. I do a lot of smiling and nodding through gritted teeth.

mineofuselessinformation · 09/11/2021 20:21

As above. There are people who are completely aware that they are rude, but don't care. And those that don't realise that they are (ASD and similar). It's difficult to tell the difference from the outside, but IME, people who didn't realise they were rude will apologise if they are challenged. Those who know they were rude will continue to defend their position.

Ionlydomassiveones · 09/11/2021 20:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Mixitupalot · 09/11/2021 20:24

I had a customer recently say to me at 2pm one lunch time “would you ever hurry the fuck up and pour my drink” I had been working my way around a table of 14 she happened to be the last one on the table.

She knew she was being rude and many people at the table (and in the restaurant told her so) she didn’t care one bit. I on the other hand had already worked over 50 hours that week and hadn’t seen my kids in 2 days! I really wanted to rip into her but had to bite my lip and I was very upset for the remainder of my 14hr shift.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 09/11/2021 20:28

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

I’m an Aspie.

I’m always being rude without meaning to. Things just come out wrong. All of the time. Every day.

It’s really exhausting.

Ah bless you. My DD's on the spectrum, and this happens to her all the time.

It happens to me too, but I have no excuse - I'm just a grumpy middle-age woman who sometimes doesn't have the energy to pretend otherwise!

Mumoblue · 09/11/2021 20:29

Yes, generally they know, because they choose who to be rude to- and it’s usually people who can’t say anything back, like those working in customer service.

My ex’s mum was a nightmare to go out with, she seethed at the slightest inconvenience and always seemed to be looking for a reason to complain.

When I worked in a customer-facing role I got the odd random rude person. Quite often they’d show some self awareness by saying “I’m not yelling at YOU” (even though, while I get that in their head they were yelling at a personification of the company, in reality they were very much yelling at ME).

Icantremembermyusername · 09/11/2021 20:30

I could have been rude today in the supermarket but I chose not to :-) I decided patience was a virtue and didn't eye roll or tap my foot or look sour pussed. My reward was a very stressed cashier who thanked me (genuinely) for my patience. I smiled and said "no worries" and then ran off to my car cursing, lol. No point making her day worse too!

grooveonthemove · 09/11/2021 20:32

Most 'rude' people don't give a shit. They go about their day being dismissive and obnoxious and don't lose any sleep about their behaviour.

Stovetopespresso · 09/11/2021 20:38

@pastabest

My MIL is frequently very rude to people but she would be absolutely horrified if she knew that's how it was being perceived or that she had unintentionally upset someone. I don't think it's ASD more of a anxiety thing. The best example I can think of is she's a bit like Hyacinth Bucket, so determined to make sure she is seen to be 'proper' that she ends up being the opposite.

On one or two occasions something I've witnessed her say has actually made my jaw drop. I once nipped back into a venue to apologise/explain for something she had said at the end of the meal and the staff were already in full WTAF just happened mode to each other as I walked back in.

Her whole family are like that though. I do a lot of smiling and nodding through gritted teeth.

i have a secret SIL in you!! my MIL is exactly the same! anxiety i think...
Cherrysoup · 09/11/2021 20:46

My dm is often very rude, particularly to people in serving jobs. If I tackle her about it, she’ll deny that she’s rude and was just asking for/saying something. It makes me cringe. It’s difficult to say if she realises or just doesn’t give a fuck!

FlaggRF · 09/11/2021 21:03

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

I’m an Aspie.

I’m always being rude without meaning to. Things just come out wrong. All of the time. Every day.

It’s really exhausting.

Ha! I was about to say similar.

Me and my colleague are both autistic and have really pissed each other off at times. Neither of us knew about the other at first.

It's funny now, but it wasn't at the time.

grooveonthemove · 09/11/2021 21:04

@Cherrysoup

My dm is often very rude, particularly to people in serving jobs. If I tackle her about it, she’ll deny that she’s rude and was just asking for/saying something. It makes me cringe. It’s difficult to say if she realises or just doesn’t give a fuck!
That's awful, shows a lack of respect Sad My DM is equally snobby and was horrified when I took on cleaning work a few years ago HmmGrin
FlaggRF · 09/11/2021 21:05

2 autistic people who don't realise the other is autistic is a hilarious comedy of errors/disaster.

She needed to verbally and very bluntly talk everything through.

I need clear visual data I.e spreadsheets and bullet points.

It took us ages to get the hang of how to work together!

TheCreamCaker · 09/11/2021 21:22

My brother is very rude, but he doesn't give a fuck (he actually says that too)

dayswithaY · 09/11/2021 21:41

Lots of people enjoy being rude to shop workers as they know you can't be rude back or they'll just complain about you. Easy targets.

carlydooly · 09/11/2021 21:43

I love calling out rude people. As a former waitress and shop assistant I know what utter twats some people can be when they think you've got no right of reply.

I can't help myself wading in if I see it happen to others. It's very satisfying indeed to see the looks on faces when they're challenged.

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