Friend is hijacking our weekend away with her Body Shop shite

[Youngatheart00]

In a fortnights time DH and I are going away with some other friends for a weekend away in a cottage. One of my friends has recently joined the Body shop cult at home and has been pushing it any excuse she gets.

She’s now suggested the girls in the group have a ‘pamper evening’ which basically just means her trying to sell to us. Of the 8 of us, 2 have already said ‘great idea can’t wait’ and another ive spoken to isn’t keen on the products but wants to support her. I don’t want to fall out over this but I really don’t want to waste a Saturday night when I don’t agree with MLM and hate what it’s doing to my friend!!

How to approach this tactfully?

I remember someone doing this to us at work. She invited us all for drinks on a Friday night. Most of us were driving so were disgruntled at the thought of not having a drink to relax. We had to sit on kitchen chairs - lights full on (a pet hate of mine) - and she brought her daughter in. She said her daughter was going to uni soon and was selling Tupperware to raise money for herself. There was no way we could get out of there without buying something. We felt like we'd been ambushed and while we stayed friends with her, it was the last time we saw her out of work.

Ugh, I cannot articulate how much I hate it when a friend invites you over for what sounds like a nice evening (girls’ pamper night, wine and cheese evening, etc) and then tries to sell you crap. It is the absolute worst. YANBU for being annoyed, OP. I honestly have reevaluated friendships with people who have done this to me because it feels disingenuous and also puts me in a really uncomfortable position.

There was no way we could get out of there without buying something^

You could. You didn't want to and you were more bothered about being polite.

I really don't get why people have such a problem saying the words "No thanks."

Just say it. Its liberating.

If people get upset being you don't want to buy things from you in the first place they weren't your friend in the first place.

I think you also need to let your DH know that you do not want BS products as your Christmas gift
If she fails to get enough/any support and sales from the ladies then her (and her husband) will more than likely target the menfolk

I think for us the problem was that we were all friends from work. We thought we were going there for drinks, nothing else. Her daughter was a bit older than ours - we knew her and liked her. We were completely bamboozled into spending money. And you know what, if she'd said her daughter was really broke, we would have happily chipped in £20 or whatever, without having to spend the night like that.

Digressing but I quite enjoyed the Kirsten Dunst series On Becoming a God in Florida series, in which her character's husband got trapped in a MLM scheme.

@Sashimiandhisthunderpaws

Digressing but I quite enjoyed the Kirsten Dunst series On Becoming a God in Florida series, in which her character's husband got trapped in a MLM scheme.

Oh I've been meaning to watch that.

Can you say something about it going against your personal moral code to support any MLM sales as it gives the seller false hope about making money as opposed to the reality that they will lose it?

@HollowTalk thats awful...i'd have been furious. My kids are adults now but when they were at primary school there were several mums hosting these parties...after being stung once i wised up and began using the 'sorry no babysitter' line...due to covid it all moved to social media...i have a seen an increase in them on my feed as we get closer to christmas.

I really don't get why people have such a problem saying the words "No thanks."

Me neither

@Nanasueathome

I think you also need to let your DH know that you do not want BS products as your Christmas gift If she fails to get enough/any support and sales from the ladies then her (and her husband) will more than likely target the menfolk

This is a very good point. One of the local MLM huns started targeting Dads at the school gates rather than Mums a few years ago and my DH was one who fell for it. He genuinely believed he was helping a young Mum get a business off the ground, and simultaneously treating me to something special (because at that price it must be special right??) so what's not to like? Though he did admit to being perplexed as to why there was recruitment literature in the bag. Why would she want competition for sales given we live in a fairly small village...🤔🙄 I was livid but realised his intentions were good. I was off sick on half pay at the time. ("How's Avo doing? Bet she could do with a treat to cheer her up?) I pointed out as gently as possible that with our reduced income, spending £85 on skincare products that I could have got an equivalent of for a tenner in Superdrug probably wasn't wise. (Maybe you should look into selling this stuff whilst you're off then - Honey says she's doing really well.) Yup. She saw him coming a mile off. Men are easy targets too!

I've not read all the comments. Just post in the group chat you don't want a pamper evening tbh and would rather spend the time another way with everyone and watch as other follow suit and agree. Suggest another night dedicated to this and not this weekend. By all means she can hand out her brochures for people to peruse in their own time. Suggest that.

Her new "career" will cost her money as she will give people more % off, offer free delivery, she will be delivering locally costing her fuel. She will "invest" in her business and buy products to promote them, the new business will be long hours on social media, begging people to join so she makes money off them.... and so it goes on. It's draining and friendships that were strong go to shit when they are levels above or below each other in the same business.

I've done it, and with this company, it's disgusting and draining. Unless you are cut throat and willing to climb all over people to get sales you make zero. You are asked to use your kids to sell on social media, pets, tell people about your life story so they buy into you.

Good luck to your friend but when she calculates her earnings to what she has put into it she will hopefully realise it's shit. I feel sorry for her as I bet her "manager" has said what a great opportunity to get sales and recruits, you should make the most of this weekend and like a sucker she has. And now she will see you all as not supportive and cunt fucks because she has been brainwashed.

One of my "friends" is a regional manager. She focused on recruiting and built a massive team quickly securing each promotion. She used her credit card to keep her sales up each month and now is in a position to pay it off. She made it because she is sales orientated and went after what would give her the most money and security for her kids. She has no life. Spends days and nights online, looks like shit, has no partner and hardly any time for her kids. BUT she has money, a lovely car, she can give her kids anything material they ask for. She has a lovely house and can go luxury holidays (always working on the laptop though)

Please do update us OP, we need to know how it goes after the event!

Those who have suggested saying 'I'll bring the face masks, someone else bring the cucumber etc' type thing, it again involves the ambushed party still having to shell out money and effort to avoid the original big sell.

Just No! We are too polite, falling over ourselves to make shitty situations 'ok' to our own loss/inconvenience. The wallet comment is aggravating and so smarmy, it gives no cause or right to be smoothed over for the sake of her feelings.

And you know Pam would pipe up and say she would bring the cucumber, the little shit.

Yes, please do update us OP. We want to know how it works out with Pamper Pammie, and what Gerald & Lucinda cook for dinner.

The problem is there is so much emotional blackmail around buying whatever shit is being sold. 'supporting my business' etc. Support for friends tends to be emotional, time and wine in my book - not purchasing stuff I don't want to feather their nests.

Has anyone else read the whole thread secretly hoping the angry MLM woman from the previous anti MLM thread turns up and starts kicking off again?

OP you are missing a trick and you could turn this round and hijack it back again.

It doesn't need to be all about her. Why don't you go to Boots or Selfridges or both and get a bag full of free samples for you all to try.

She wouldn't get much air time if you were all drooling over the latest miracle wrinkle cream

If it’s a choice between upsetting this one cheeky person, balanced against annoying several of the other members of the party- who will feel pressured to spend money - there’s surely no contest.
I would really resent a weekend away being used as a sales opportunity. And it would certainly not feel like “pampering”.
The comment about bringing your wallets would be the last straw!

Also would like an update!

Flip it around.

Imagine a financial adviser friend sitting everyone down to do a pension review free of charge?
Or a solicitor willing to review your current will on a Friday night with wine and cheese?

Friends are not customers, unless they choose to be so.

Tell her straight up, no.

@ftw163532 it has dark humour and a surreal feel to it. I'm disappointed it wasn't renewed for a second season.

@nextdoorslawnmower

*I actually think you're the one making it a drama.

You need to just say in the group "I am pretty pissed off that a group of great friends getting together for the first time since pre covid is being used as a sales opportunity" like you said here, and text the others who agree to back you up.*

Jesus. Op ignore the people trying to get you to go in guns blazing and stir shit up. What you have said is fine. You've made your position clear. If she still turns up with it then you can opt out and there will be others that join you.

Being clear with your boundaries and what is ok/not ok is not stirring shit up. There's a reason I've never written a thread about shit friends, because I'm not a pushover I don't have any!

@Wheresthebeach

The problem is there is so much emotional blackmail around buying whatever shit is being sold. 'supporting my business' etc. Support for friends tends to be emotional, time and wine in my book - not purchasing stuff I don't want to feather their nests.

Well yes.

And its precisely, why a blunt "no thanks" without excuses is often easier as its harder to respond to that. It should always be a "I said not thanks and I'm not interested".

Unfortunately we are conditioned to be polite rather than say what we think (its a particularly British trait).

In the words of Zammo

Just say no

And its precisely, why a blunt "no thanks" without excuses is often easier as its harder to respond to that. It should always be a "I said not thanks and I'm not interested"

I agree.

I have never been invited to a "pamper" evening, nor would I want to be. Who actually does?