Morning from hell? Gather round.

[KitticornsAreReal]

I have had the morning from hell and I’m feeling pretty fucked off about the whole thing.

I am a parent to two wonderful DC who happen to also both be autistic and sometimes the stress of their need to manage every tiny detail of our entire lives just becomes a bit much.

They bicker and fight daily. One of them screams the house down daily. The meltdowns are daily.

This morning, both the DC were arguing and as I was trying to diffuse the situation by calmly talking to them, one of the DC just kept screaming in my ear to hurry up and sort it out (this was due to anxiety , it was not them being rude).

I’m afraid I lost it and shouted “Will you just shut up! Just shut up!” . It is not my finest parenting moment but I just saw red and out it came.

To make matters worse, my lovely elderly neighbour had turned up to my door, which just happened to be open to allow the dog out for a wee. So she heard the whole thing, close hand.

I feel terrible and judged . She politely asked if DH was away so was I dealing with it on my own? She was obviously sympathetic but I feel like a ducking terrible mother right now

Please tell me I’m not the only one who loses it with their DC?

I also garbled out a whole verbatim script to our neighbour to explain what had happened and why I had lost it. I was completely flustered and gave her our whole life story.

I think you are fine! Shut up is not the worst thing I have ever heard shouted in an argument! Don't beat yourself up. Now things have calmed down you can apologise and talk through some strategies with the DCs to try and manage these situations next time.

Don't give it the room in your head. We all have our moments, and it sounds like you're under a lot of pressure.

Oh gosh yes I lose it. Widowed parent, eldest has ADHD. He just started medication this week - school seem to get all the benefit and he’s a total pain for me before and after! And in between I’m working. I am SO tired.

Sometimes the patience of a saint is required but we are not saints. We are human beings who love our challenging DC, and are doing our best.

We have all been there. I also have a child with ASD and sometimes it just gets too much. In the summer he had a mega meltdown in the car and tried to strangle me. I stopped the car (safely) and screamed my head off like I have never screamed before.

I felt dreadful afterwards.

My DC don’t have SEN and I still lose it.

I've just screamed at my toddler for vomiting in his bed. Refusing to nap and is shredding my mental health down the crapper. I went part time thinking I would be amazing but no, it's hell.

You're a mother, not a saint. Forget it... Water under the bridge.

I'd be embarrassed too but only because I'm human, you've done nothing wrong and your neighbour sounds lovely, I'm sure she completely understands.

Have a cuppa and some chocolate and give yourself a break

i think you need these and the day off x

Don't give it any more thought. We have all done that. In awful newborn sleep deprivation I once shouted at my newborn to 'just go to sleep!' My patience feels very worn at 38 weeks pregnant with a toddler and I have shouted a lot over the past month. You're doing a fab job, especially if your DH is away - that's a lot to shoulder

Ahh, don't worry OP, we've all done it and the ones who said they never have are telling porkies...

I have regular mornings like this without SEN. Don't give it headspace.

Will it matter in 5 years time? No
Then it doesn't matter.

I don't have the same challenges that you deal with & have also yelled this....you're human.

If I'd witnessed this, I wouldn't be judging & it doesn't sound like she was either.

Ahhh, don’t worry, we have all been there. Cup of tea and breatheeeee x

You are fine, my DS had asd and its hard work.

My son with ADHD had an screaming meltdown this week before he took his meds, as sometimes happens when he gets overloaded and we're running late. Absolute banshee style "I hate you hate you hate you you've ruined my life I want you to die" on a loop.

My mother in law is staying. Yep.

I have three under 3yrs and as far as I'm aware all NT.
I shouted at both my one year olds today whilst changing their nappies to not wriggle and put their hands in poo.
I told my two year old he couldn't do drawing because I can't be bothered with the mess.
Whilst they ate lunch, I hid in my husbands office on the floor with a glass of wine.

That's just today.

I have thrown a full plate of scrambled eggs at the wall before because my then only baby wouldn't eat it.
I regularly tell them all to just shut the f up.

You are an incredible Mum compared to me my lovely!

We all lose it, give yourself some credit please x

Oh god yes I've been there, I have a DH with what was known as aspergers and a DS who is on the spectrum.

The screaming is a daily occurrence in our house too (from DS) accompanied by meltdowns and his tendency to fling himself on the floor, thrash about and hit people.

He's just coming up to 4 now so I imagine I have many, many more of those days to come.

Don't sweat it. You sound like you're doing great to me.

Oh also, last year we all had covid so I hired a daily dog Walker to take the Doggo out.
After I'd SCREAMED Mary hell at all three boys, I hear the knock on the door. She'd heard the whole thing.
She meekly collected Doggo and I died of shame and got my husband to get dog back in after his walk (with the lovely girl who doesn't normally do this but did in covid - I paid her).
She also asked me the next day if I was okay, and I apologised. She was lovely and we still text now and again now even though dog has since died (not from covid).

Parenting is hard, add in SEN and it's a miracle we aren't all gibbering wrecks in the corner at the end of every day. I have ASD and have ds (14) with ASD and dd (8) and, as much as I love them they can be a nightmare, they wind each other (and me) up daily. During the first lockdown I was teaching (adults) from home over Teams. I was facilitating a tutorial for a group of students and my two were bickering outside the door. I excused myself from the tutorial and loudly told the dc to 'bugger off downstairs and be quiet'. I then realised I'd left my mic on
We all lose it now and then

You ARE not a terrible mother!! I hope your neighbour brings you done wine for tonight, I know I would.

I walked past someone on the school run yesterday who told their primary aged child to ‘shut the f up’ so in all honesty yours is very mild in comparison! We all lose it sometimes and say things we don’t really mean and regret, we are human.