Morning from hell? Gather round.

[KitticornsAreReal]

I have had the morning from hell and I’m feeling pretty fucked off about the whole thing.

I am a parent to two wonderful DC who happen to also both be autistic and sometimes the stress of their need to manage every tiny detail of our entire lives just becomes a bit much.

They bicker and fight daily. One of them screams the house down daily. The meltdowns are daily.

This morning, both the DC were arguing and as I was trying to diffuse the situation by calmly talking to them, one of the DC just kept screaming in my ear to hurry up and sort it out (this was due to anxiety , it was not them being rude).

I’m afraid I lost it and shouted “Will you just shut up! Just shut up!” . It is not my finest parenting moment but I just saw red and out it came.

To make matters worse, my lovely elderly neighbour had turned up to my door, which just happened to be open to allow the dog out for a wee. So she heard the whole thing, close hand.

I feel terrible and judged . She politely asked if DH was away so was I dealing with it on my own? She was obviously sympathetic but I feel like a ducking terrible mother right now

Please tell me I’m not the only one who loses it with their DC?

Oh god that's nothing. Get yourself a brew and put your feet up.

You're not a terrible parent. We say things in the heat of the moment.

My son has anxiety and can be such hard work at times. Needs so much input and reassurance and melts down over the tiniest of things. I wouldnt be a human being if I didnt lose my rag at time.

I’m afraid I lost it and shouted “Will you just shut up! Just shut up!” *

And did they shut up? If they did, I'd call that a bonus and move on.

You are not the only one.
After G.C.S.Es DD asked for her room to be redone. I had had a backpayment of something. To be fair up until then she had had second hand furniture. Carpet wasn't great.

So shelled out for new carpet, new furniture. Thinking she was old enough to look after it. New carpet cost 650 quid. Carpet fitter said not to worry it wouldn't stain and easily cleanable. That is true under normal circumstances...

A few months later I go in to discover white subtance on the floor. Candle wax. I lost it with her and told her to learn how to get it off.
She said she would with iron and towels as per the internet.

I've just been in just now again whilst she is at college and yes, people there is a lovely iron-shaped burn mark in the middle of the floor...

I'm strangely calm...

Two ASD kids here ,. Don't worry about it . You can hear mine screaming down the street apparently . Most of the time calm , occasionally shout back. Mine used to spit over the banisters too. Lovely

I lose it daily, at times. 5 kids, one autistic, two under 5 and a hormonal teenager combined with lack of sleep, stress about Christmas, and general husband-related uselessness doesn't make for a pretty sight.

But we wake up the next day and it's all good again.

Don't worry.

Take a breath. You are doing absolutely fine.

5 kids also , youngest 2 ASD.

I find myself laughing at times as a release,. Well, it's better than crying I always say, though I daresay it looks a bit mad

@BoredZelda I love you. Thank you xx

Oh honestly it happens to all of us, I have autistic DS who has issues managing his anger (read: throws a book at me if I ask him to get dressed) and 7yo DD who has the attitude of a teenager 🙄 and yes, the worst part is that you feel so bad afterwards for loosing your cool.

@mumjustmum, this too shall pass!

Heavens to Betsy, you are human not Superwoman, Be kind to yourself, I think what happened today is a natural response to the stresses and strains you are under every day

Eh? My mental health issues meant I had low mood and low energy. I didn’t swear at babies and break things. Quite different.

I think it's fine. I actually think we do our DC a disservice when we allow them to be annoying and excessively demanding without snapping.

I see parents being endlessly calm and absorbing behaviour which in my opinion merits a sharp rebuke - how are the children to learn where to draw the line?

2 kids, no ASD or anything, but we’ve all been there and have cringe worthy stories!

My story….. we used to live round the corner from the primary school. Getting dressed and out of the door was always difficult. One morning, my 4 year old just wouldn’t get ready, in the end he was sat on the bottom step of the stairs putting his shoes on as slowly as he could, moaning away. I had my back to the front door and just lost it and screamed “just f’ing put your f’ing shoes on!” Only to realise my 6 year old had opened the front door wide ready to go and there were a lot parents and kids walking past our house on the way to school who heard everything 😳

I wish shut up was all I said when I lose my shit!!

Yeah I've told my son to fuck off before after a complete meltdown over the wrong breakfast bowl or some other mundane drivel.

Don't feel bad, happens to us all x

I have thrown a full plate of scrambled eggs at the wall before because my then only baby wouldn't eat it
I regularly tell them all to just shut the f up

@mumjustmum I would like to think you are saying this for effect and to make the OP feel better. If you're not, then this is abusive behaviour towards tiny children, and it is not something you should be trying to normalise. You do realise, don't you, that if you swear at them and throw things, they will do exactly the same to you and to one another and to their future friends and partners? Either that, or they will go NC with you for having exposed them to this.

OP, you losing your cool is, by contrast, understandable. One of my DC has what was then known as Asperger's, and I am very, very even tempered but even I occasionally lost it with him when he was younger. What's more, you feel bad about it, which means you're not likely to do it again.

You will have done no lasting damage, and tomorrow is a new day.

When there's an accident my initial reaction used to be to 'laugh' out of nervousness. Its not real laughter. You can tell the difference if you've ever heard me laugh at something funny. I've lost friends over it.
So DS had an accident and I burst out 'laughing', and everyone looked at me like I'm a monster. He wasn't hurt, but he could have been.
Thankfully, he doesn't remember but I don't think anyone else forgot and they'll probably put it on my gravestone