Page 6 | When did you feel at your loneliest?

Bananabspl · 2021-11-04T15:40:18+00:00

I feel SO fucking lonely. 30s, single. This morning I went to the supermarket and was offered a gift voucher for ten percent off, only for the assistant to follow up asking if they were my children (at the trolly next to me). I said no and she said I wasn’t entitled to the voucher! I got in the car and sobbed. Don’t care about money off but I feel like the world is made up for families and I am the odd one out. Anyone else? I feel shit.

MissyB1 · 06/11/2021 19:43

So much loneliness going on

Onthedunes · 06/11/2021 19:57

@EvilHerbivore

I'm so lonely right now. Was going to name change but figured there's no point Struggling with everything, currently hiding in my room but need to go make dinner Crying all the time Kids dad texting asking me to rearrange shifts so he can go do things with his new girlfriend- even more of a reminder how alone I am The only thing keeping me going is the fact I don't want to fuck up my kids Sorry

That's awful love, you need help now.

I think we all know that feeling where you need support but are just to upset to talk to others.

Remember the Samaritans can be useful whe you havn't the strength to talk to people you know.

Why not start a new thread, there are always others who will listen. x

Sending hugs

Onthedunes · 06/11/2021 20:07

As you get older there will be many times of loneliness to look back on, one for me was losing my second parent at 16, just before Christmas, first parent dying years before.

I woke up Christmas morning with not one present, I had no Christmas dinner, just lunch with the cat.

I did love that cat though.

Animood · 06/11/2021 20:11

2020 was so lonely for me.

In Jan 2020 a serious relationship broke up. He was v controlling and stalked me for some time. I was petrified but too embarrassed to say much to people about it.

Feb 2020 my very loved grandad died. I couldn't attend his funeral because of covid.

March 2020 onwards I was locked down in my flat completely alone. Working from home.

Sept 2020 a family member was put in a care he because of terminal cancer in her 50s. I couldn't visit because of covid and didn't see her again- she died after 3 months of indignity and pain.

October 2020 I had major issues with a new boss at work. She was so vile to a colleague, my colleague left and brought a successful claim for constructive dismissal.

I didn't have sex with, kiss or really touch another human the whole year. All the things I truly love- family friendships, relationships, love and support were gone.

I had depression and anxiety lost weigh (in a bad way) and drank too much.

I'm happy to report 2021 has been much better, and I think that it was just a series of crappy circumstances.

The one thing I will say is loneliness is a universal human experience. Everyone feels it at some point in life

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 06/11/2021 20:13

I'm fighting to keep it at bay. Little things like diy stuff around the house which I can't do and others take it for granted that they have a DP/DH to do. I know that's not very feminist and I try my best but I'd love a partner to do that shit. Or just take the mental strain. I have been single for so long. I'd love for someone to take the reigns for a bit.

There's another thread about what's going on tonight and everyone seems to be snuggled up with partners. I'm gearing up for a shitty nightshift and can't even drink wine or eat at the moment (the two things that give me joy) as I'm trying to lose weight.

I'm trying to do everything to keep positive, listening to self help audibles etc, get the confidence up (like losing weight). It sometimes it's like paddling upstream. Sigh.

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 06/11/2021 20:16

Oh and who I thought were my closest (and also single) two girl friends showed themselves to be utter cunts this year so I've lost that aspect too along with my main social life. Least my anxiety went with them, silver linings and all that. Thoughts to everyone else in this shit show.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 06/11/2021 20:20

When my mother and stepfather dumped me at 16 and went to live on the other side of the world. I felt completely lost and alone.

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 06/11/2021 20:29

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

When my mother and stepfather dumped me at 16 and went to live on the other side of the world. I felt completely lost and alone.

That's really shit @Shehasadiamondinthesky sorry to hear that.

Lampzade · 06/11/2021 20:34

Second year of university

Shefliesonherownwings · 06/11/2021 20:36

The last two years have been my loneliest. We lost my DD, she was stillborn almost exactly two years ago. Like someone else said previously, there were people around us but I was in such a bubble of intense grief, I felt terribly isolated. DH and I dealt with the grief very differently and struggled to communicate and there are friends and family who hurt me very badly after our loss and I no longer speak to.

We then had our rainbow last year and whilst he is an absolute joy, DH and I are not in a good place, we don’t really communicate and the stress and pressure of having a new baby, during a pandemic, whilst still immersed in grief has driven us apart. I’m typing this from my bedroom whilst DH is downstairs and that’s how we spend most of our evenings now 😞

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 06/11/2021 20:42

That's really sad. Have you considered counselling @Shefliesonherownwings

Blueroses99 · 06/11/2021 20:43

I’m another who has rarely not felt lonely to be honest. As a child I was painfully shy and lacked confidence so I was socially awkward and didn’t feel like I had any friends. Right now, I have lots of friends, most of who I know from sixth form/university so 20+ years. And yet I have no one to make spontaneous plans with, to have a coffee with if I want to vent or just chat, no one who knows what’s going on in my life and would know to check in on me if there was something important happening. There’s nothing as lonely as being surrounded by people but not feeling like you have a connection.

In contrast to many people on this thread, I didn’t feel lonely on maternity leave. I kept myself really busy with groups and activities and made lots of new friends that I would regularly meet up with. Same with first year of university (the other years were a different story). With working FT now, those mat leave friendships have waned.

I’m trying to make a big effort with reception parents but I definitely feel it’s more for my benefit than my DC.

I don’t want to feel lonely but often feel left out or alone

TeeTotaller1 · 06/11/2021 20:51

@ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff

I'm fighting to keep it at bay. Little things like diy stuff around the house which I can't do and others take it for granted that they have a DP/DH to do. I know that's not very feminist and I try my best but I'd love a partner to do that shit. Or just take the mental strain. I have been single for so long. I'd love for someone to take the reigns for a bit.

There's another thread about what's going on tonight and everyone seems to be snuggled up with partners. I'm gearing up for a shitty nightshift and can't even drink wine or eat at the moment (the two things that give me joy) as I'm trying to lose weight.

I'm trying to do everything to keep positive, listening to self help audibles etc, get the confidence up (like losing weight). It sometimes it's like paddling upstream. Sigh.

I'm married My DH is fucking useless at DIY I do it all

Chin up chick xx

Onthedunes · 06/11/2021 20:55

@Shefliesonherownwings

I can't imagine what you have been through and now trying to bring up a babe feeling so disconnected with your husband must be so hard.

Have you tried councelling, working through grief needs profesional help, especially when your hormones must be all over the place.

I hope things improve.

PickupaPenguin8 · 06/11/2021 21:33

@Shefliesonherownwings

The last two years have been my loneliest. We lost my DD, she was stillborn almost exactly two years ago. Like someone else said previously, there were people around us but I was in such a bubble of intense grief, I felt terribly isolated. DH and I dealt with the grief very differently and struggled to communicate and there are friends and family who hurt me very badly after our loss and I no longer speak to.

We then had our rainbow last year and whilst he is an absolute joy, DH and I are not in a good place, we don’t really communicate and the stress and pressure of having a new baby, during a pandemic, whilst still immersed in grief has driven us apart. I’m typing this from my bedroom whilst DH is downstairs and that’s how we spend most of our evenings now 😞

This is heart rending. Please don’t accept this as the status quo. Try to turn things around by insisting on talking, asking your partner what he wants from the relationship and what needs to change. Get counselling for both of you if he will go, if not go alone. You can’t go on like that.

PickupaPenguin8 · 06/11/2021 21:34

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

When my mother and stepfather dumped me at 16 and went to live on the other side of the world. I felt completely lost and alone.

How awful for you. That really is appalling.

PickupaPenguin8 · 06/11/2021 21:35

@ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff

I'm fighting to keep it at bay. Little things like diy stuff around the house which I can't do and others take it for granted that they have a DP/DH to do. I know that's not very feminist and I try my best but I'd love a partner to do that shit. Or just take the mental strain. I have been single for so long. I'd love for someone to take the reigns for a bit.

There's another thread about what's going on tonight and everyone seems to be snuggled up with partners. I'm gearing up for a shitty nightshift and can't even drink wine or eat at the moment (the two things that give me joy) as I'm trying to lose weight.

I'm trying to do everything to keep positive, listening to self help audibles etc, get the confidence up (like losing weight). It sometimes it's like paddling upstream. Sigh.

Not all men are any good at DIY. My OH is useless.

noblegreenk · 06/11/2021 22:20

In the months following my Mum's death. I was 29 and had been living back at home for a couple of years, after leaving an abusive relationship. Her death was quite sudden and I didn't process/cope with it very well in hindsight. I didn't tell any close friends that she'd died for at least six months. I just couldn't face telling them, because I knew they'd be shocked and I couldn't deal with their shock, iyswim. So although I had some support from family, i mostly tried to ride out the initial few months of grief on my own. In the end it resulted in a bit of a breakdown and I had to be signed off work for 3 months. Luckily I had a nice manager, who put me in touch with a good grief counsellor who really helped me to work through my thoughts and feelings. When I look back on it, it's quite strange, I was so bloody lonely but I isolated myself in my own grief.