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Original poster

When did you feel at your loneliest?

143 replies

Bananabspl · 04/11/2021 15:40

I feel SO fucking lonely. 30s, single. This morning I went to the supermarket and was offered a gift voucher for ten percent off, only for the assistant to follow up asking if they were my children (at the trolly next to me). I said no and she said I wasn’t entitled to the voucher!

I got in the car and sobbed. Don’t care about money off but I feel like the world is made up for families and I am the odd one out.

Anyone else? I feel shit.

OP posts:
PickupaPenguin8 · 05/11/2021 10:57

Reading. Walking, planning holidays. Keeping as busy as possible. The more empty time you have the worse it is.

MareofBeasttown · 05/11/2021 11:07

I have written and published 2 books when I was at my loneliest. Not an avenue open to everyone but perhaps take up a large project. Walking helps a lot too. Pre covid I went on a lot of solo trips.

Lovinglife45 · 05/11/2021 11:36

Blurpblorp

I am sorrySad

I was verbally bullied in secondary school by various peers. Though I had one or two "friends", I felt utterly alone in my pain. I had no peace and had an awful feeling of unworthiness, that I had no right to be in this world. 30 years on, the scars are still there. I physically hold back from getting too close with anyone as there is a voice in my head that tells me I am unlovable and unlikable.

Xmasbaby11 · 05/11/2021 11:39

When I was 20, living alone and studying in France. Not enough to do and hard to make friends. I'm quite extrovert and it made me unhappy. Since then I've moved a lot and always made friends but this period was a low for me.

This was 25 years ago, pre internet.

Siriisatwat · 05/11/2021 11:41

@Lovinglife45 It wasn’t you it was them.

I was the same, bullied all the way through school.

I don’t get close to people either. but it’s not because I think there is anything wrong with me - I just think most people are arseholes because that’s been my experience so I don’t want to know anyone. The voice in my head tells me I’m fine, it’s other people that are the problem.

Don’t ever think there is anything wrong with you.

Wrennie24 · 05/11/2021 11:59

Now. Daughters grown and teenage son going through ADHD identification. Lost so many friends due to his behaviour, family uninterested and new job so no depth of friendship with them. Husband lovely but he is also struggling to cope. Sometimes it would be lovely to just be able to talk to my Mum but she died. Hey ho.

MareofBeasttown · 05/11/2021 12:08

@Wrennie24 I so feel for you. I am going through similar with DD ( anxiety and clinical depression) but my mom is a great support, though she is in another country. My biggest fear is her dying ( she is 76).

I just wanted to say that I have 2 friends with ADHD children and after going on medication, the children have excelled and done very well. More importantly, they are happy. I hope you can find a solution.

number87inthequeue · 05/11/2021 12:29

My loneliest time was in my mid 20s. I moved around a lot as a child and young adult, so never had the lifelong childhood friends that some people fall back on. The friends I'd made in the town where I worked seemed to suddenly all get serious boyfriends and I barely saw them. Although it sounds odd, for me the thing that made me feel most lonely was not being alone/single but the way other people treated me because of it. I was constantly asked at work whether I had 'met anyone yet' . At the staff Xmas party and numerous weddings I was seated at the 'singles table'- invariably the other people on this table were either teenagers who thought I was old and odd, children and an occasional pensioner who looked as uncomfortable with the situation as I was. A group of 'friends' that I had spend lots of time with/been on holiday with/lent a shoulder to cry on etc informed me on one occasion that I wouldn't be invited to a celebration because it was 'a couples thing'.

Unfortunately my answer to this was to go out with, and later live with, someone that if I am honest I knew was an arsehole, just to seem more socially acceptable. Don't do that.

Many years on, I did meet someone lovely but I have not forgotten the way I was treated as a single woman, and like to think that I don't do the same to other people now. (For my wedding I asked my single friends who they wanted to sit with- they were the only people who had any say in the table plan!)

Lovinglife45 · 05/11/2021 12:32

Siriisat
Bless you.

It took me years to learn that I was not the problem. The good thing is I enjoy being alone. I do not feel the need to fill gaps during the day with meeting various people.

georgarina · 05/11/2021 19:22

First month at university. My whole life had been pretty shit, abusive family x2, predatory men, just not around very nice people in general. I always told myself moving out and uni would be the start of the life I deserved. And a month after arriving I was spiked and severely assaulted, and I realised how alone I was because there was literally not a single person I could turn to. It was physically painful. I developed ptsd because I couldn't heal from it.

I'm sorry you feel alone OP. I really know how painful it is. But it doesn't have to last forever. I have my own life and family now and am very un-lonely! X

PickupaPenguin8 · 05/11/2021 20:14

@georgarina

First month at university. My whole life had been pretty shit, abusive family x2, predatory men, just not around very nice people in general. I always told myself moving out and uni would be the start of the life I deserved. And a month after arriving I was spiked and severely assaulted, and I realised how alone I was because there was literally not a single person I could turn to. It was physically painful. I developed ptsd because I couldn't heal from it.

I'm sorry you feel alone OP. I really know how painful it is. But it doesn't have to last forever. I have my own life and family now and am very un-lonely! X

So glad your life is better now. How absolutely horrible for you to have those experiences.
georgarina · 05/11/2021 21:13

@PickupaPenguin8 thank you 💗

Onthedunes · 06/11/2021 02:53

@ParkheadParadise

After I lost my dd. It was the strangest time because the house was full of family, DH was with me 24/7 but I felt so alone. During the night when I couldn't sleep, I would go to the cemetery and sit at Dd's grave to be close to her ( I know this sounds mad but I was completely off my head with grief) Hope you start to feel better soon.
I'm so sorry.

There are no words.

Flowers
LeonoraFlorence · 06/11/2021 06:25

I understand that feeling of being surrounded by people but none of them being that one person you really need. It’s horrible. My heart goes out to everyone on this thread who feels or has felt lonely. ❤️

autumnaurora · 06/11/2021 09:00

When I moved back home after a stretch living and working abroad. Nothing was how it was before. Friends had moved in with partners and weren't interested in going out like we used to. My old place of work had closed down, so the rehire agreement I had with them fell through. The friends i had made working away were now on the other side of the world and even my partner was in a different country. I seemed to spend my life glued to my laptop trying to catch people on Facebook messenger just to talk to someone. People seemed to be drifting away. It was like I had gone away young and returned very old and I didn't know how I fit in anymore. Things gradually moved on and got better, but I remember it as a dark, depressing time.

BlurpBlorp · 06/11/2021 09:39

So sorry for your loss @ParkheadParadise

SeaWitchly · 06/11/2021 16:04

Frikonastick - I am so sorry Flowers

Taswama · 06/11/2021 16:23

On maternity leave with my first. I used to go to Tesco's, the post office just to have a conversation with someone.

Then again last year, working from home and homeschooling in the first lockdown. None of my colleagues or boss rang me unless I rang them first, all my friends were in similar situations (working mums) so we didn't have the energy to support each other. Although kids are back at school now, I still find working from home alone very lonely and much prefer going into the office.

EvilHerbivore · 06/11/2021 16:28

I'm so lonely right now. Was going to name change but figured there's no point
Struggling with everything, currently hiding in my room but need to go make dinner
Crying all the time
Kids dad texting asking me to rearrange shifts so he can go do things with his new girlfriend- even more of a reminder how alone I am
The only thing keeping me going is the fact I don't want to fuck up my kids
Sorry

StarCourt · 06/11/2021 16:31

When I was married and DD was very young.
The blessed relief of being alone when we split up.

Mynextname · 06/11/2021 16:32

All my life. Particularly after becoming a mum for the first time. Still now as a mum to multiple children.

inmyslippers · 06/11/2021 16:34

Christmas time, it's just me and my son

Griefmonster · 06/11/2021 16:36

After my sibling died. I have a DH, DC, friends. But still feel so lonely.

KeflavikAirport · 06/11/2021 17:03

In IKEA buying stuff for my new flat after my ex had an affair. I couldn't get any of the flatpacks off the shelves by myself.

ParkheadParadise · 06/11/2021 18:45

@EvilHerbivore
I hope things change for the better for you in 2022 Flowers