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Original poster

When did you feel at your loneliest?

143 replies

Bananabspl · 04/11/2021 15:40

I feel SO fucking lonely. 30s, single. This morning I went to the supermarket and was offered a gift voucher for ten percent off, only for the assistant to follow up asking if they were my children (at the trolly next to me). I said no and she said I wasn’t entitled to the voucher!

I got in the car and sobbed. Don’t care about money off but I feel like the world is made up for families and I am the odd one out.

Anyone else? I feel shit.

OP posts:
AutumnInBustletown · 04/11/2021 23:27

On maternity leave with a baby.

MynameisWa · 04/11/2021 23:28

I’m truly scared of being lonely.

grapewine · 04/11/2021 23:38

Chronic pain and disability and living on my own. I go days without speaking to anyone. The loneliness is crushing at times. Most times really.

Peach01 · 05/11/2021 00:02

@ParkheadParadise

After I lost my dd. It was the strangest time because the house was full of family, DH was with me 24/7 but I felt so alone. During the night when I couldn't sleep, I would go to the cemetery and sit at Dd's grave to be close to her ( I know this sounds mad but I was completely off my head with grief) Hope you start to feel better soon.
I'm so sorry you've gone through this. I can't even imagine. It doesn't sound mad at all that you wanted to be close her.
Wendyer · 05/11/2021 00:05

@Peachgreen and @tunnocksreturns2019 same here :(. I had a conversation with a client today about how she knows her Dh loves her unquestionably and would do anything for her. I was hit by such a huge wave of loneliness it was all I could do not to cry in front of her. I once had that, I never will again, and life without your soulmate, however full of people, is all kinds of empty.

I’m sorry to all of us who feel lonely. There are many many many of us Flowers

Spidersinmyhair · 05/11/2021 00:08

The loneliest I ever felt was in a relationship with an abusive boyfriend. Also lonely as a child with an abusive mother. Now I'm in my thirties, single, no children and I absolutely love it. I've never felt more myself. Yes society pushes the idea of marriage and family but it's just one narrative that we're sold. I've now learnt that I can choose my own path.

MintyCedric · 05/11/2021 00:18

Right now tbh.

My dad was diagnosed 'end of life' at the outset of the first lockdown so I worked from home then took a sabbatical to care for him. Went back to work briefly but I wasn't in the right headspace and my mum is needing a lot of support so I've stopped working to care for her.

Aside from my teenage daughter, I have no extended family and no partner. I have a handful of lovely friends locally but they're all in relationships with families, and lots of online mates but it's not quite the same.

My best mate and I were both single all through lockdown and were talking about all the shenanigans we'd have when things opened up but she met someone a couple of months ago and can only see him at weekends so that's knocked that on the head.

I enjoy my own space but I feel like my world has gotten very small and don't want to think things will be like this forever but can't see an alternative atm.

FGSWhatNow · 05/11/2021 01:05

My first year of university. I was catapulted out of my small rural town into halls in the middle of a city, surrounded by hundreds of people. I hated every second of it, I was so out of my depth. After the initial flurry of fresher's week, I soon realised I had absolutely nothing in common with anyone there. I retreated to my room and pretty much only came out for food and lectures. Weekends were awful and for many of them I didn't speak to anyone. I remember the journey back to halls at the start of the second year: car packed full of stuff, Mum and Dad in the front, me in the back, silently crying. I wanted so badly to tell Dad to turn round and take me back home but the words wouldn't come out. I got to halls and found my new room - and met some new people who turned out to be amazing friends. I stayed and got my degree, graduated and started a new job. I didn't know it at the time, but I met now-DH on the first day at work. 20 years and 2 kids later, he's still by my side. I often wonder how close I came to having a completely different life - if I'd just said "Dad, I want to go home", none of the good stuff would have happened. My Sliding Doors moment, I guess.

I'll never forget the crushing loneliness of that 1st year though. How you can be in the middle of a crowd yet be so alone.

Flowers for all those who have lost someone dear, and I hope that you find happiness again, in whatever form that may take.

benzo · 05/11/2021 01:50

After the birth of my son the novelty wore off after a few months and I started slowly losing my support network. Now going on to nearly 3 years and I feel so lonely and left out of things as I have to think of nap times or whether it's suitable for my toddler. My parents live away, my social circle is where my parents live but everyone's moved on with their own lives and I've been at home caring 24/7 for a needy clingy toddler. My husband works till late and I'm all alone and no one to talk to over coffee even at my house. My pregnancy was really lonely too as I had HG and DH was travelling a lot and I was just sick all day and not wanting to leave the house and on the days when I was ok, shopping alone for baby stuff made me feel extremely lonely and sad as I had no one to share the excitement of a new arrival.

lydia2021 · 05/11/2021 02:29

I was at my loneliest when I was married. Still cant talk about what he did to me. Be careful what you wish for... being coupled up in a marriage or partnership is not always the holy grail we hope for

Greytminds · 05/11/2021 02:36

I have had periods of loneliness throughout life. Right now is quite tough - I feel so separated from friends and family - partly Covid, part having young DC. I’ve got friends but scattered around - never had that close knit group of default friends that some people have.

Also, whilst I love my parents and siblings, they’re not very involved in my life or very proactive - I’ve always envied those whose parents offer childcare and/or are part of everyday life of their grandkids/kids. That’s what I had growing up too, so I feel it’s absence completely.

WTFUterus · 05/11/2021 02:56

I had just turned 18 and my boyfriend of two years and first love died in a car crash, he had left my house angry after we had an argument and I never saw him alive again. I'll never forget the sight of him walking away from me heading towards his car or the look of his face hours later when I saw him lying dead on the hospital bed.
At the time all of my friends and family tried to help and support me but I felt nothing but emptiness and loneliness. As the week and months passed my friends were all getting on with their lives, as you should at that age, there I was stuck living in that night that he died.

Those days feel like a lifetime ago now that I am in my 30s, married and live a life that I could have never imagined. I still think about him all the time, what a lovely man he was and how he died too soon. The pain of losing him will stay with me but I feel so grateful to have loved him.

MareofBeasttown · 05/11/2021 04:02

Up at 3 am with my midlife worry, but wanted to say that I am so sorry for all your terrible losses.

ChakaDakotaRegina · 05/11/2021 05:25

Living in a big city after uni with uni friends and partner. I just seemed to repel people. Everything I suggested was rebuffed. My friends immediately made new friends through work and were out all the time or out with each other. It seemed so easy which made it all the more frustrating. I felt more and more left out. I was working in a really boring office doing admin and although we’d chat during the day it never translated to doing much outside of work. I ended up so in my own head I developed insomnia and depression. I really wish I’d made the effort to do therapy or to just accept the city wasn’t working and leave.

I probably do less now with people but somehow I’m happier.

user1486915549 · 05/11/2021 06:09

When my husband died loneliness was the hardest part of grief.
I was just making baby steps at going out when lockdown hit.
Strangely lockdown helped me get used to having some sort of life alone.

Prattypatel · 05/11/2021 06:20

Flowers for all the lonely people here.I feel lonely too.Strangely,reading about all the people's loneliness here,makes me feel less alone.I know,I am not the only one and maybe this helps you too.i think in our busy busy world,loneliness is far more common then we think,it is just not really talked about.it is a taboo.you are a very authentic person and should be very proud of that.so many people are fake nowadays.All the very bestFlowers

sandgrown · 05/11/2021 06:24

I feel for all of you who have lost partners and children. My loneliest period was when DH left for ex BF as I lost both of them at once. I live in a tourist area and on a Saturday night I used to walk with my children just to be near other people . I had great friends but they had their own families to look after. @benzo are there no baby groups or classes nearby you could join? It’s scary first time but you could both benefit. I have good friends I met years ago at M&T group.
When I read posts on Mumsnet many new mums seem to not want visitors for weeks after birth so maybe that’s why people are reluctant to jump in and offer help nowadays.

MintJulia · 05/11/2021 06:27

The realisation that partner only cared about himself, just wanted a house keeper/bed warmer, and that me and ds were on our own. Ds was 1.

NotExactlyOptimistic · 05/11/2021 06:48

I've rarely not felt lonely to be honest. I had such a loving, happy childhood. I'm truly grateful for it. But all I've ever wanted is to replicate that as an adult and build a unit of my own, I've totally failed several times and it's crushingly painful.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 05/11/2021 07:11

Right now

GenderAtheist · 05/11/2021 07:24

@ParkheadParadise

After I lost my dd. It was the strangest time because the house was full of family, DH was with me 24/7 but I felt so alone. During the night when I couldn't sleep, I would go to the cemetery and sit at Dd's grave to be close to her ( I know this sounds mad but I was completely off my head with grief) Hope you start to feel better soon.
@ParkheadParadise I local and I always remember your story and your loss.

My lonelinest was trapped in an unhappy marriage.

I remember being in labour with my first ( in a hospital room alone ). I was being induced and I was kneeling on the floor throwing up with the pain and could reach the sick bowl or the alarm. I didn’t have a midwife with me because my husband was supposedly with me . In fact he was outside talking to “work “ ( actually OW although I didn’t know then ).

I felt so degraded and terrified . I thought I was going to die alone I was I so much pain.

Later on a was moved to a labour room and was left alone with a midwife and my husband left for a few hours to “ take more work calls “. I felt so supported - it was night and day.

I should have left him after that.

IME being trapped in a bad or abusive marriage is much worse than being unhappily single. Since I let him I’ve missed him for about …l maybe 3 minutes a year.

Single people probably looked at our marriage and thought it was happy.

PickupaPenguin8 · 05/11/2021 07:53

When I left a toxic relationship . I had lost all my friends during the course of it and my family were very reluctant to have me move back home. I was very young and had nowhere else to go. I literally had no one that cared and my heart was breaking.

BlurpBlorp · 05/11/2021 08:26

Interesting question OP. First off, I hope you're ok.

Hands down the loneliest I've felt was 11/12 when I was being bullied at school. The soul-crushing feeling that I had no friends, walking around the playground on my own holding back tears - it'll stay with me forever.

LucentBlade · 05/11/2021 08:43

Now really, I became very ill aged 50 and am now disabled. Most of my really close friends live at a distance and most are in their forties and fifties so very busy at the high point of careers or wrangling with teens or both. So have incredibly full lives, just like mine used to be.

My closest friend died three years ago aged only 41, I fell out with a local friend, that could have been sorted, she said so herself as did I but damage was done over an issue, and another local friend has just become a grandmother so is very busy doing childcare now.

I have all the time in the world now, I used to have an incredibly full life and the difference now is marked. I can still drive but not long distances.

crochetmonkey74 · 05/11/2021 10:35

For all of us lonely ones- what have we found that helped? I'd love to get some tips or even coping strategies until it passes

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