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Original poster

When did you feel at your loneliest?

143 replies

Bananabspl · 04/11/2021 15:40

I feel SO fucking lonely. 30s, single. This morning I went to the supermarket and was offered a gift voucher for ten percent off, only for the assistant to follow up asking if they were my children (at the trolly next to me). I said no and she said I wasn’t entitled to the voucher!

I got in the car and sobbed. Don’t care about money off but I feel like the world is made up for families and I am the odd one out.

Anyone else? I feel shit.

OP posts:
Wincarnis · 04/11/2021 20:19

After my Dad died… No counselling or anything, just got sent back to school and told to get on as normal. Everyone else in my year was having family time, holidays, parties etc and I felt like I had my nose pressed up against the window, watching them have a ‘normal’ life. My early teen years were very miserable.

senorafridgidaire · 04/11/2021 20:20

Honestly? In my last serious long term relationship. Never felt so lonely in my life. I was single for several years after that and whilst I felt alone and upset many many times, it was a million times better than being somewhere I felt trapped and unloved.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 04/11/2021 21:33

I was loneliest when l was with fuckwit ex boyfriend. Used to dread summer knowing everyone would be out having a fab time but he would be in the pub whilst l had to do stuff on my own.

Was lonelier then than after we split up and he moved out!

GoodnightGrandma · 04/11/2021 21:34

I e felt at my loneliest while married.

bloodywhitecat · 04/11/2021 21:37

Now. I am married to a wonderful man, I have two lovely birth children and have several wonderful fosterlings and ex-fosterlings in my life but DH has cancer and it is terminal. His care has been appalling. Support is non-existent and I have never felt more alone or scared.

SlB09 · 04/11/2021 21:42

When my husband had cancer and shortly after treatment earlier this year, again lots of help but felt so emotionally lonely. It us tentatively starting to ease now.

Lallanala · 04/11/2021 21:44

Probably now, single mum to three children, have an ok family around me but feel like a massive burden to them. I’ve lots of friends but no one I feel is really there for me or that I can share the every day mundane things with. It doesn’t help that I try and portray that things are all fine and that my life is fantastic to everyone, when really I am feeling so alone that it actually physically hurts sometimes.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 04/11/2021 21:47

During the summer holidays, after I got divorced. All my family and close friends were on holiday at the same time. I didn't speak to anyone except the man at the tip for 8 days.

MadameMonk · 04/11/2021 22:14

Easily have felt loneliest around other people than on my own.

Mostly in a sexless, ultimately intimacy-free marriage. To be faced multiple times a day (and night) with the knowledge that the person closest to you actually knows nothing about you and cares less.

Also those first years of baby life. Giving every skerrick of your time, energy and ‘self’ to another human. No help, no break. Felt like a glass wall surrounded me, while I watched ‘normal life’ happen through it.

Thought I was immune to loneliness before this period. Loved my own company, was convinced that it was up to me to dust myself off and find connection with other people if I felt a bit lonely. And it worked, until it didn’t. I’m the poster girl for ‘it can happen to you too’.

It’s a crushing, hopeless feeling. It’s paralyzing and intrudes on any tiny joys you manage to scrape together.

Coming out of that phase now- husband kicked out, child more independent. Lots of therapy helped, as did pushing myself to find and strengthen connections again (work, hobby group, friends). I refuse to ‘live’ that way again. I’m hoping my bloody-mindedness about that motivates me!

tunnocksreturns2019 · 04/11/2021 22:25

@Peachgreen

After my husband died. Surrounded by people, but none of them him. It was horrendous and still is sometimes, to be honest. It's very hard to have found your person, your home in the world, and have it snatched away.
Same. Nearly five years on here so I know nearly everyone thinks life is ‘back to normal’ but I’ve lost my marriage, my life partner, my children’s father. My eldest is really struggling (ADHD) and I am really struggling with him. I’m surrounded by two parented families with well adjusted neurotypical DC and they just don’t get it. And it’s just me, every night, cooking, cleaning, trying to get them to PLEASE get to bed. There’s nearly none of me left but the bit there is is crushingly lonely. And, bar one sainted friend, the only time I see another adult is when I invite and host people myself. Where the hell are our lunch invites?!

Ah how self indulgent.

Flowers to OP and you all.

ParkheadParadise · 04/11/2021 22:26

@bloodywhitecat Flowers

tunnocksreturns2019 · 04/11/2021 22:30

@bloodywhitecat

Now. I am married to a wonderful man, I have two lovely birth children and have several wonderful fosterlings and ex-fosterlings in my life but DH has cancer and it is terminal. His care has been appalling. Support is non-existent and I have never felt more alone or scared.
FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers
Surmeslevres · 04/11/2021 22:34

When one day out of the blue I realised that being alone was permanent for me. I had always been alone but I had lived with the belief that love and companionship could happen for me. When that belief died loneliness hit me really hard. It took a long process akin to grieving to finally accept my solo life.

felulageller · 04/11/2021 22:43

I've had times where I could have died and my body wouldn't have been found for weeks.

I don't think anyone will ever tell me they love me again.

yellowflowersintherain · 04/11/2021 22:49

I did languages at university so had to go abroad for my third year. I turned up, age 20, in a European capital, where I knew no one. I had a job but had to organise accommodation. It was so weird staying in a cheap hotel knowing no one would knock on the door or phone me. Nothing to do, no one to see. After two amazing years of fun at university. I missed my friends so much.

I had a very similar experience! I never really enjoyed it that much tbh even after those first few weeks. What made it worse was everyone kept telling me it was the best year of my life Hmm

Deafdonkey · 04/11/2021 22:53

@Chunkymenrock

A the moment. Trapped in a loveless marriage and trying not to fuck up my children's lives. I'd give anything to be you, OP. To be free.
Same here, the loneliest I have ever felt was being in bed with mu husband, centimetres away but such a gulf between us. You still have so much Time op, but Flowers as feeling like that is shit
halloweenie13 · 04/11/2021 22:57

I'm 23 with social anxiety and I feel the loneliest without my phone, I was recently mugged in central London and feel that my phone was a comfort blanket essentially in uncomfortable situations, I know I only have to wait a week for a replacement and have a laptop to use at home, but it not only removes my main line of communication to family and friends but the incident itself makes me anxious to trust others in public again. Ironically in social situations I am not lonely necessarily in normal circumstances, in fact I feel overwhelmed in social gatherings and exhausted.

Jellykat · 04/11/2021 22:59

The loneliest for me was being in an emotionally abusive relationship.. being with someone who treated me so badly, was more lonely then not being with anyone at all.

yummytummy · 04/11/2021 23:00

now. am a single parent been divorced a while. birth family very toxic so nc. lost a lot of friends in divorce. a few friends but busy with their own lives and families. recently had to be admitted to hospital and luckily kids dad took them but then after my procedure it hit me there was not one person i could call to pick me up so got an uber home and just cried and cried once home as realised there is no one on earth to take care of me and i will have to forever handle things alone.

NYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYN · 04/11/2021 23:10

When I was married to ex husband. Never felt so lonely in my entire life.

Frikonastick · 04/11/2021 23:18

Now. Watching my husband with terminal cancer slowly inexorably die in front of my eyes. And knowing that this loneliness is what the rest of my life is going to be like.

backtoschool1234 · 04/11/2021 23:19

As PP have said, whilst married with young children. Now I am single I never feel lonely.

namebunny · 04/11/2021 23:19

missyb1 that’s so good to hear! I mean it’s not, but the same thing happened to me. Dp reacted by getting crosser to snap me out of it, which made it so much worse. He got fed up because I was exhausted by 8.30 - since then he’s been ill and of course is in bed by 8.30.😀 my mental health took a massive bashing too, don’t think that it’s recognised by friends and family or yourself. I felt like a failure because I still had wobbles after 6 months. How did you get over It?

namebunny · 04/11/2021 23:22

Just read more of the thread. Goodness. Hugs to everyone

480Widdio · 04/11/2021 23:27

My husband died suddenly,I had never felt so lonely,even though I had three teenagers living at home,it was horrific.

A lot of years have passed since then!I am now alone but I never feel lonely.