Tell me your "mute" fails, and make me feel better

[Nidan2Sandan]

On a training course, interesting course but I'm tired and grotty today.

Just said something (nothing rude, just better not said out loud) thinking I was on mute........I wasnt.

Trainer laughed and said he heard that, and I did some quick talking to cover up my faux pas! But I feel sick with shame and embarrassment, and guilt. The trainer is lovely.

Make me feel better and tell me yours!

During a challenging week of juggling work, homeschooling DS1 and DS2 nursery bubble had burst. Two hour meeting on a big project. It had been a nightmare of interruptions from DSs. Doorbell went, thought I had put myself on mute. DSs having an argument and I'm about to present. Roared at children and read them the riot act. Only for a voice to say 'everything ok, we are ready for your segment.' I was not on mute.

Not a mute story but in my old firm solicitors would dictate letters etc and secretaries would type them up. One solicitor finished dictating a letter, then started talking to a colleague without turning off her dictation and they both begin slagging her sectretary off. Solicitor doesn’t realise, sends the dictation through, lo and behold secretary listens the whole thing! She stormed out and refused to work in their department, got transferred to us 🙈

I was teaching a class and I had one deaf child in the room. There was a special microphone system that I wore and she wore an ear piece attached to it to enable her to hear me. Just before class, I’d downed my coffee in a rush and as I was taking that lesson, my tummy was swirling really badly. I was really uncomfortable. Eventually, once I’d finished the instructions and the class was set on task and busy, I politely told the TA I was off to print an extra copy of a help sheet and would be back in two minutes. I rushed to the loo for the loudest, most violent poo ever and still sweating from it, I grabbed a sheet of paper and stepped back into the room waving it and announcing I had the help sheet sorted. That’s when I noticed the microphone was still on. The deaf child smiled at me from across the room. She walked over to me and whispered “maybe you could leave the microphone with the TA next time miss please”.

I was teaching a lesson online when my husband entered the room to feed the cat. I put myself on mute and said ‘don’t feed him, he’s already had breakfast’. The mute worked but I forgot I had enabled subtitles and so my message still reached the students. I had some smiley faces put in the chat and not too embarrassing but I was more careful after that.

I fell asleep during a particularly dull Zoom meeting recently. There were some nasty moments when I woke up until I realised that, fortunately, my camera and audio were off, and I'm just praying that if anyone tried to ask me anything they assumed my internet had gone down.

@drumandhake

Not me but manager joined a meeting with 'this better not take to long, I reeaaalllyy need a crap' no one said anything and let her think we hadn't heard, which was quite kind.

This one had been in stitches

This summer I was in a large conference, so cameras and mic off unless speaking. I was running late and not due to speak so I didn’t get dressed. Suddenly I heard someone said oh Faevern knows the answer to that. So unmuted and camera on I answered the question exposed in a shoe string nightdress, no bra, in front of over 200 people.

I think I'd have pretended that I couldn't make my camera work.

My entire department got a long and lingering close-up of my fat cat's arsehole in a meeting I want even supposed to be in.

@kimmykimdoo I can't stop laughing at "the most violent poo ever and still sweating from it".

I'd been using Zoom for a few weeks on my laptop before it died and I had to use my ipad. Only then did I suddenly realise that you could see other people even when someone else was sharing their screen, which I hadn't been aware of while using my laptop. I quickly realised an alarming number of people had watched me doing a variety of things I wouldn't normally do in public, ie picking my teeth, taking out my hair extensions.

@Nc123

Did a huge fart and my camera lit up and betrayed me

Mine picks up the dogs

This thread has made my day

Headset wasn't working.

Hosting a Teams meeting at 11am (1hr) so decided to just go for it.

Mobile, on vibrate, rang twice - went unnoticed
Housephone rang - my Team lead interrupted my meeting "Crunchy, do you need to get that?" .... 'no its fine'
5 minutes later my doorbell "ding donged" 3 times in a row. No-one mentioned it but they must have heard and I kept losing my trail.

It was my fucking Sainsburys delivery - due between 1pm and 2pm (so 1.5 hours early) Delivery driver said order was refused / not accepted so I didn't get my shopping.

That was a fun day.

And I recieved a replacement headset the next day without even asking (team lead requested them!)

@KimmyKimdoo really?

That sounds remarkably like Greg Davies' story he told on Graham Norton, you know the one that Ryan Gosling was in stitches about.......

These are brilliant

@wejammin

On a video court hearing a few weeks ago, the magistrates rose to have a think about something. Court clerk was just sitting in there, representatives and parties still all dialled into the hearing. Court usher comes in and goes "alright Sandra, you look like shit" "Yeah Mike, I feel like shit, been on the toilet all night" "bloody hell Sandra...etc etc". They then start chatting about the date Sandra has with her new bloke at the weekend. All the observers are sitting watching in silence until one of the barristers says "umm, hellooo? I'm terribly sorry but I think the microphones are still on". There's a scramble about and the sound goes off. Unfortunately it then couldn't be switched back on again for the rest of the hearing and we had to adjourn for technical reasons. I'd love to know how Sandra's date went.

Was this on CVP? The palaver with the sound not coming back on makes me think it’s CVP. Also I clearly have experience with similar situations 😂

Not a mute fail, but in one very complex case, very serious judge, the hearing overran and began to eat into the normal time I would feed my cats. One cat took matters into her own paws, hopped on to my desk, leaned in, and smacked me across the face. Everybody saw it. Nobody said a word.

I shut the door now so they can’t participate.

Not a mute fail but in that ballpark and a 'things that cheered us up in lockdown' classic:

@Platax yep I would have hoped to have that foresight but in the moment I kind of forgot that, one, I wasn’t dressed and two I was visible to so many people. You kind of forget they are there when you can only see the speaker.

Had to ring the local crisis team to discuss a person they might want to see. Had a new starter with me.
Said to new starter thinking I was on hold, "the experience you get with the crisis team really depends who answers the phone. Some of them are lovely, some of them are vile"....the person on the other end of the phone said "I can hear you, you know!?" So I replied "that's ok, it's nothing I wouldn't say to your faces!" And brazened it out.

@Beeth0ven

Early on in lockdown, setting up a new project, I was on Teams with a v junior colleague, a very senior colleague snd an HR colleague (for resourcing purposes). I took the call in my bedroom and half way through introducing myself and the project noticed a GIANT black rubber dildo standing to attention behind me on my bedside table. In full view. I’ll never know if they saw it or not. But tbh was pretty hard to miss 😳😳😳😭😭😭😂

😭😭😭😭😭

@KimmyKimdoo

I was teaching a class and I had one deaf child in the room. There was a special microphone system that I wore and she wore an ear piece attached to it to enable her to hear me. Just before class, I’d downed my coffee in a rush and as I was taking that lesson, my tummy was swirling really badly. I was really uncomfortable. Eventually, once I’d finished the instructions and the class was set on task and busy, I politely told the TA I was off to print an extra copy of a help sheet and would be back in two minutes. I rushed to the loo for the loudest, most violent poo ever and still sweating from it, I grabbed a sheet of paper and stepped back into the room waving it and announcing I had the help sheet sorted. That’s when I noticed the microphone was still on. The deaf child smiled at me from across the room. She walked over to me and whispered “maybe you could leave the microphone with the TA next time miss please”.

Greg Davies has the same experience as you too. Very funny recounting of it on Graham Norton. Check it out on You Tube.

i did say fuck off under my breath and i have no idea why i have told no one else.

Early on in lockdown DP gave me his old work wireless headset which was great for long meetings as I was no longer tethered to the laptop. Early on I was on a big industry call with our Regulator and I nipped down to answer the door - just as the bloody regulator goes “Dyrne, what are your thoughts on this as it’s your area of expertise?”

Of course I get bloody flustered and quickly grab the parcel while frantically pawing at the buttons on the headset trying to unmute myself. Test out a “hello?” to no answer, so am thoroughly flustered while haring back upstairs to unmute myself there and go “oh for fucks sake!”

There’s a pregnant pause then the Regulator goes “um, apologies Dyrne, didn’t mean to put you on the spot there…” Turns out I had unmuted and HE THOUGHT I WAS SWEARING AT HIM!!

I bought a slide cover thing to cover my camera fairly early into lockdown as well and I’m certain that’s saved me some blushes over the months as I have noticed on occasion my camera being randomly on but blocked by the cover.

I have taken it upon myself to mute other colleagues in meetings when you start hearing background noise (not while they’re speaking obviously!). That function on teams is very useful and I consider it a civic duty.

@ArblemarchTFruitbat

Ha ha!!!!! Thanks for posting that link - that is so funny!! I’m not sure if it makes me feel better that possibly lots of teachers are going to the loo and forgetting to mute or if I actually feel worse for those poor students

These are so good 😂. Not exactly a fail but someone who didn’t understand meetings in general. There was a Zoom meeting between tenants of our housing association and the property manager. We got to the bit where the manager asks if any of us has any questions and one guy pipes up, Lionel (one of the other tenants ) did you get my marmalade?

My dog farted during a lull in the conversation during a Teams meeting. Cheers bud.