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Original poster

What made your childhood good?

76 replies

BiLuminous · 29/10/2021 20:28

Like others, I constantly worry Im giving my children shit childhoods or messing them up. So many people seem to resent their parents. Im estranged as I put myself into care as a teen. I want to have a healthy family and a good upbringing for them, but feel Im carrying on some of the cycles as I divorced their dad a few years ago when they were very young.

If you had a good childhood, why do you think that was? I know theirs is very different to mine in so many ways but I want to be better.

OP posts:

TSSDNCOP · 29/10/2021 20:34

Unconditional love, fun and boundaries.

LadyCleathStuart · 29/10/2021 20:42

Consistency. Love. Attention. Care.

My parents weren't perfect but I always knew where I was with them, they were consistent in their rules and behaviours and I always knew that I was loved.

They also paid attention to what was going on in my life and they cared for me, so not just love but care also (i.e. they fed me, bathed me, took me to the doctor or dentist when needed, got me braces etc. etc.).

Original poster

BiLuminous · 29/10/2021 20:43

@TSSDNCOP

Unconditional love, fun and boundaries.

What sort of boundaries? I was brought up in a very toxic way by a single parent and so Ive had to work things out myself without any guidance on what a normal family set up is like. I view my children as individuals with wants and needs different to mine, and not people I can control or have possession over. Is that the sort of thing you mean? Sorry to sound stupid

OP posts:

OverweightPidgeon · 29/10/2021 20:49

Consistency, love and simple fun stuff- we always went for a walk in the woods on a Sunday afternoon , holidays were camping in the uk , my dad did the food shop and always took me and my sister along with him , it was fun as my dad used to do funny walks while pushing the trolley.

We always sat at the dinner table for meals as a family , the 4 of us would wash and dry up together.

LondonWolf · 29/10/2021 20:50

Living abroad. Exciting events related to my Dad’s job. Moving around to various places every couple of years. It was exciting.

I don’t think my parents directly made my childhood good. Any happiness was in spite of them not because of them. They were controlling and critical and had age inappropriate expectations of how we should behave. Fortunately they were hands off and much more interested in their own lives than ours once we reached teen years and we were largely left to ourselves as long as we didn’t make any problems.

OverweightPidgeon · 29/10/2021 20:53

Our boundaries were , no talking back, set bed times , home at the time we were told to be home, no answering the phone if we were eating (pre mobiles) , helping with chores and basically doing as we were told.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2021 20:53

Nothing

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2021 20:54

It’s been much better since !

toolazytothinkofausername · 29/10/2021 20:55

Having the best grandparents ever!

Floralnomad · 29/10/2021 20:56

In my case it was having fantastic supportive parents and horses . My children are adults and both think I’m pretty wonderful and we did much the same as my parents so I would say support is the big thing .

Ducksurprise · 29/10/2021 21:00

Listening. So many posts on here where a child tells a parent something, maybe in clumsy language, and people refuse to listen. Say they should nip it in the bud or knock it on the head and force them to do something.

sandandc · 29/10/2021 21:09

As others have said boundaries, love, expectations, standards. Also allowed to express my opinion, listened to. Protected. They separated when I was very young but never bad mouthed the other and always co-parented in a mature way. No games with step parents. So very blessed. My parenting modelled on theirs.

Strangevipers · 29/10/2021 21:09

Parents who didn't pressure me to get straight As but said just do your best

Turned up for school plays or sports day etc

Spend hours at the park

Let me stay up late in the holidays

Didn't smother me but didn't let me run riot either

But to be honest just general quality time together chatting about our days or all watching a movie together aswel as the above

Those are the things kids remember

RachelHasThoseInBurgundy · 29/10/2021 21:14

I don’t know if this is what made it good but these are things I remember being really happy about.

Lots of time outside. We lived rurally and it was safe for mum/dad to just leave the back door open and we spent all our time outside, usually just me and my sister, often some cousins (there are lots of them). Dad also had an outdoors hobby we were “dragged” along to, we did moan but looking back those were really happy days, meeting loads of people, other kids, just being outside, mucky as hell. Same when we stayed with our cousins, we practically lived in the river by their house. It felt so free. We were supervised really well but we didn’t feel “watched” if that makes sense. I wish I’d been able to do that for my DC.

Treats- my mum was big on not having lots of sweets/buying us something every time we asked etc. Dad was renowned for being a tight git but he had a sweet tooth and would buy us a chocolate bar on a Friday evening. I looked forward to it all week he also made a special effort at Halloween/Xmas etc to make us a little sweet party for the living room coffee table. Mum worked nights so it was just him and us and he made it so much fun. If mum had been home it wouldn’t have happened. She just wasn’t the silly/fun type.

One thing that has always stuck with me is something my mum said when I was about 8. I always pestered her for a baby brother and she told me that she deliberately chose to have just two children because she wanted to be able to give us both as much as we deserved and not have to spread herself thin with lots of children. It made me feel so loved. Looking back, my mum wasn’t a particularly child friendly person (very good parent though- just not into being fun ) and she was very career driven so I think that had a lot to do with her decision, which is absolutely a valid choice. But I really felt grateful that she told me that. It made me feel like we weren’t just a Consequence of marriage, she put lots of thought into having and raising us. She (and my dad) did give us a very good life.

If I could have asked for anything else from my parents, I would ask that my mum relaxed more and actually chatted to me like a person. We didn’t have any real conversations ever. I had lots of lectures. I was talked at a lot. I have only realised how not normal that is since having my own DC and seeing how my friends parent. I’ve never had a cup of tea with my mum. I’d have liked for us to have been friends as well as mum and daughter but I know she did as well as she knew how.

feelingsicknow · 29/10/2021 21:20

I can't remember having any happy memories as a child (which is why I ended up in therapy after having my son, along with PND). What I DO remember as making it awful, we're my mum and Dad (dad in particular) being miserable, argumentative and the opposite of a good parenting team. My mum did her best but by the time I was 14 I was actively encouraging her to LTB.

So for me, there's no activity or set of rules to follow, bit demonstrate a happy, loving, safe home life.

RachelHasThoseInBurgundy · 29/10/2021 21:28

I would also add the basics of good, regular meals and being made to have a proper nights sleep every night (bar the odd late night) also very important.

TillyDevon · 29/10/2021 21:29

My parents are both always extremely kind. They also always taught us important things like honesty and led by example. It wasn’t perfect as I don’t think boarding very young was right for me but they did their best and didn’t know ; there was always a lovely atmosphere at home with them and still is

Narutocrazyfox · 29/10/2021 21:29

Absolute, unconditional love.

We didn't have much growing up, but my parents made sure we had everything we needed. Little things mattered - I can't remember any birthday gifts particularly, but I remember my mum made me a cake every year - she wasn't the best baker or anything but she went all in and I loved it, it made me feel special and important. I loved my childhood.

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 21:32

My parents did their absolute best but there was a lot of anxiety during our childhoods for reasons they couldn't really help.

There were lots of special moments too. I particularly remember:

Eating breakfast in hotels with a waffle-maker and pancake station where you could have as many as you liked (with chocolate sauce).
Choosing a movie for Friday night and cuddling up together under blankets on the sofa to watch it.
Family meals.
Trips to the seaside. There's nothing better than sitting in the sand and letting it slip through your toes.
Our parents packing special colouring books and puzzle books when we travelled places so we wouldn't be bored.
Road trips and stopping for picnics at the side of the road.
My mum playing music in the kitchen and us dancing around to it.
My mum taping paper to practically the whole of the kitchen floor and letting us go wild with paints.

I think the key is setting boundaries but also trying to find the things that make your DC joyful. We loved bath bombs and bath drops as kids so our mother would occasionally take us into this special shop on the way back from school and let us choose some. Just little things that let us know that what we enjoyed was important to our parents.

Foxglovesandlilacs86 · 29/10/2021 21:33

Thanks for starting this op I feel exactly the same as you. Watching with interest

FindingMeno · 29/10/2021 21:38

Mum always had time to set up a tent out of blankets or the paddling pool for us, and we did lots of fun outdoor things.
As teenagers we were encouraged to be independent and allowed to learn through experience.
We were never forced to pursue things we lost interest in and pressure wasn't put on us to perform.
Our views were listened to and discussed
We were treated with fairness.

pastaparadise · 29/10/2021 21:42

I always felt loved, shown by them being interested in me and my perspective, doing things I enjoyed, seeming to enjoy my company, lots of patience and kindness. I always felt wanted. No favouritism between siblings. Lots of family time, they made an effort for me. Means I have lots of happy memories of doing things together, holidays etc.

Financially comfortable so we were well provided for and I was never aware of any money worries. Very aware of how lucky I am, especially since having children and becoming more aware of how hard it can be at times.

yikesanotherbooboo · 29/10/2021 21:43

I felt loved and secure in my family unit.

GrouchyKiwi · 29/10/2021 21:43

Love and discipline from my parents, and by discipline I don't mean punishment (though of course they did that when it was appropriate), but more guidance and helping me learn Life.

Having 20 acres of land to run around on, with lots of siblings (I'm one of 7, though the younger two were born in my mid-to-late teens), and cousins living on adjoining land so we could have adventures.

Lots of family close by, so we got to spend a lot of time with our lovely grandparents.

I think it was space to learn freedom and independence, but the knowledge that our parents were there to rescue us and back us up when needed.

Original poster

BiLuminous · 29/10/2021 21:45

Thank you for your replies, they are lovely so far.

I will add my own- which was going to the seaside for the day. We never had a holiday nor did I do extracurricular activities or go to parties, so it was a real novelty if we went. Sometimes we took my grandad and he would buy me some crab to eat as a treat, and complain at the price (not genuinely, it was just his personality).

Due to lack of money my dad would bake shortbread and scones sometimes so that we had snacks. He would then tell me about how my grandma loved to bake (she died before I was born). I always liked the anecdotes about her.

OP posts:

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