What made your childhood good?

[BiLuminous]

Like others, I constantly worry Im giving my children shit childhoods or messing them up. So many people seem to resent their parents. Im estranged as I put myself into care as a teen. I want to have a healthy family and a good upbringing for them, but feel Im carrying on some of the cycles as I divorced their dad a few years ago when they were very young.

If you had a good childhood, why do you think that was? I know theirs is very different to mine in so many ways but I want to be better.

I was brought up in the 60s and 70s. Things were different back then. People were not demonstrative or outwardly affectionate as a rule. I had a fabulous of slightly "rough around the edges" childhood.

My parents were music lovers and I developed a deep love of music because of them.
They were not perfect and not expected to be. My mother in particular was judgemental (I'm also judgemental) but there was a great deal of humour in the home.

My parents could be very daft and we laughed at the most absurd, ridiculous things.

The neighbourhood was safe and everyone knew everyone else so we had a good deal of freedom and we were always outdoors getting gilthy.We were not always well-behaved.

Days out were rare and made as a neighbourhood gang. Adults were quite formal and it was a rare treat to see neighbours and other family members letting their hair down, especially at Christmas, when my mother would be tipsy and gubbins wiuid be left in charge of the turkey.

There was less pressure on academic achievement, eating right and habits like smoking were completely normal and not judged. Both parents smoked as dud most people.

There was limited telly so we watched whatever was on, together.

I was older having dd and tried desperately hard to give her the childhood I had. Not sure I succeeded but I gave it my best shot.

My childhood was very mixed. I never had praise, enough affection, barely there boundaries, things weren't fair, and hardly any support especially with education. I was also basically a part time mum to my younger sibling. Despite this we had lots of fun (mostly with my dad) and holidays but we're left to my own devices a lot and ignored so that mum's favourites could have more attention.

A stable and contented family, small pleasures, and growing up in a bog standard South Dublin Cul de sac estate in the 1980s where every house had 3-5 children and we had a lot of freedom.

I didn’t have a brilliant childhood in many ways but some parts of it were good.

Having a great extended family with cousins to play with at my granny’s big house, where we were allowed to run free as long as we were kind to each other and polite.

Being allowed to read as much as I liked without censure - my mum used to stand up for my right to do this.

Living near the countryside so we could go out on the moors, and related to this, having a dog.

Being sure that my mum loved me. I never doubted that and I still don’t. She was very restrictive and rigid in her thinking at times and it wasn’t always easy to be mothered by her, but she had my back and I knew it.

The first thing that came to my mind was freedom. There were 4 of us and we were raised on a very big council estate so loads of children to play with. We still see those friends now (40 years later) and we always reminisce about the games ( British bulldog, kerby, rally - ho), we played. We were let out of the house at 9am and went home 7pm ish ! And only when we heard my dad calling us in.
Also, caravan holidays were brilliant and we were taken abroad at Easter when package holidays were being rolled out. We were aware of how lucky we were as we knew they were expensive so very grateful.
We were also raised as catholics so a good basis for values etc. We went to church every Sunday with the rest of the estate.
We weren't rich and my parents weren't perfect but we had everything we needed not everything we wanted.

Yes, how could I forget this - my DM provided a constant stream of well chosen books from sales of work etc, brought us to the library, and never chased me out of the house if I was reading.

I had a very mixed childhood.

Positives: playing outside in our small garden for hours and hours. Playing at the beach/park for hours and hours. Family parties, friends and cousins involved. Cooking with mum, Dad would occasionally make us something cool out of bits and bobs. He made me a house out of a box once and it made my year! We had fun and there was regularity and routine and togetherness.
Up to puberty they smashed it.

Negatives: Not dealing with puberty at all well, complete lack of information or dialogue and just being hush hush and awkward about it all made me feel like being a woman/growing up was a bad thing. Parents poor mental health had a massive impact and I had to grow up at 11 and go it alone.

Cue the next 20 years feeling unworthy of time or love and being fiercely independent because no one was going to be there if I needed them.

I was also a bookworm and luckily so was my dad so it was encouraged in that I had lots of books. I took myself to the library as soon as I was able.

Learning things from them. They both had hobbies, and they'd always let me sit and watch them and learn. Dad did woodwork, and he very patiently taught me to use tools safely and well. And Mum did knitting and crocheting which I would watch, and gradually I learned . I still do all those things now, and I think it was such a nice thing for them to do, being patient enough to teach a little girl those skills.

The main thing I would say is unconditional love. I always knew my parents would be there for me no matter what. Even now, in my 40s, I know they would do anything for me.

Other things would be boundaries and also just enjoying being around us. I’m sure we used to drive them crazy at times mind you!

They were always proud of us and just told us to do our best. They encouraged us to learn about the world and we had a house full of books. My dad would often come out with random bits of advice.

We had great holidays. We couldn’t afford hotels and aeroplanes but we had such great adventures camping and youth hostelling.

They gave us as many opportunities as they could afford, like piano lessons, swimming and Brownies.

They went out of their way to make sure we had what we needed. Attended plays and concerts etc.

I’m trying my best to be the same kind of parent to my kids.

Horses! They were my absolute sanity and escape from my crazy family.

Knowing that both my parents loved me very much. They weren’t perfect but I knew me and my brothers were their main priority.

I always knew I could trust my parents, knew they loved me by their actions. My DM worked hard to create a wide circle of support through family friends as we lived far away from extended family. DM taught me and my DB lots of crafts and games and would sit with us to make things, bake, knit etc. Always out and about doing things together; grocery shopping, museums, parks, playgrouds, friends houses. We had issues as family so it wasn't all rosy but I learnt a lot about making a happy home.

Nice thread OP.

Being told how much we were loved and how much we mattered. Being listened to, and taken seriously. Family meals round the table, days out, camping holidays where it was all about my brother and I, and what we wanted to do.

Respect in the home, boundaries, and being told, just do your best.

Had a big family that I was very close to. Grandparents were like a second set of patents to me. Spent most of my childhood overseas, had more freedom than I did here. Was a latchkey child, would let myself in, have something to eat - then go out and play. Parents worked long hours, so I was fairly independent from a young age. Spent a lot of time outside playing!!

Thank you for your replies, theyve made me smile. Sorry to the ones who had a difficult time x

Freedom. Living in a lovely village that I could explore independently. My hobbies.

I remember my Dad's silliness with us, the giggling fits we had with him, pulling daft faces at each other, him generally clowning around with us. Rough-housing, making up silly songs, him being goofy generally. He read to me and my brother every night. Always found a couple of quid to do something fun with, like rides at the fair or candyfloss. I used to feel like he, my brother and I were a team, and we had little adventures together. Fun, I suppose. Fun is the common denominator. And it's interesting that lots of people say doctor visits and dentist visits, because yes, those things make it clear to a child that they are important and worth looking after properly.

@madmomma, your dad sounds amazing. My dad was a good dad in his own way. We were working class but he still found the money for dance lessons, tennis lessons and swimming lessons. He was quite serious though ; not like your dad. He wasn't overly affectionate, just showed his love in a different way.

Being able to talk to my mum and dad. Knowing that they were there for me even when I fucked up (which I did).

A generally calm atmosphere at home. My mum was absolutely adamant that home should be somewhere you should want to come back to and not somewhere you should dread going. She and dad never, ever argued in front of us.

There were plenty of rules and boundaries but nothing outrageous.

Oh and my dad was hands down the funniest person I've ever met.

Loving them and keeping them safe. Letting them mess up and being there for them when they do. Modelling the behaviour you want to see in them. Allowing them the freedom to be themselves. But above all, making sure they know they're loved beyond all measure.

Pets.

They are as much a part of the family as any other member and gives the child a friend and valuable lifelong happy memories.

Large secluded garden with safety to play freely.

My mum was always very happy and calm. She was a stay at home Mum by choice and loved it. It was nice for my sisters and l to go home for lunch, and she was always there when we got back. We were not bothered about any after school clubs, we just used to play out with friends. I don't remember getting much homework.
I find most mums these days very stressed and trying to do far too much.
We didn t have a car, or holidays abroad, or lots of clothes and toys, but we were brought up in a safe living home and we were happy.

@Moonface123 that is idyllic. Wonderful.

Yes, there is too much pressure on parents.