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Original poster

How many immediate family members do you have?

134 replies

HazieDazie · 26/10/2021 22:47

I was talking to a friend earlier and they commented that my situation is unusual…

I’m 51, my husband is 57 and between us we have….

My mum and me (my dad died 17 years ago)
My husband (his parents died over 40 years ago, no siblings)

So essentially there is just the 3 of us. I do have cousins on my mums side but no family on dads side and DH has no other family. Neither of us have children.

Are we unusual?

OP posts:
ParmigianoReggiano · 27/10/2021 07:43

DH and I have:

  • 3 DC
  • my parents and his parents (all in their 80s)
  • 1 sibling each (but we're not close to either of them)
  • some uncles, aunts and cousins we rarely see

So both small families. I agree yours is particularly small though.

cptartapp · 27/10/2021 07:45

I have DH and two teen DC (one at uni over two hours away).
Four in laws and two nephews we see every 3 months or so. Different county.
My parents are dead. I've a brother I'm VLC with and many aunts, uncles and cousins I never see or speak to, they're all over the country.
I can see DH and I being similar in old age.

DoraMaude · 27/10/2021 07:47

I'm in my 50s and I have no-one. It's been very hard to come to terms with after I lost my only sibling earlier this year. My family are completely gone.

I have my DH, and his family who I love dearly.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Mantlemoose · 27/10/2021 07:48

5 for me and DP. Me, DM, DS, DP, DB

freelions · 27/10/2021 07:51

I think that is quite unusual OP but will probably become less unusual in future as we all have less DC and ownlies are much more common

I'm not sure your loneliness is a result of lack of family though as that could easily be compensated for if you had more local friends

I have DH, DD and DS plus both my parents and DB (but only see him and his family once or twice a year)

DH no longer has either parent alive but has 2 x DSis and their extended families (we don't see them frequently but in contact regularly via WhatsApp etc)

Comedycook · 27/10/2021 07:51

So I have my dh and two dc.

My parents are dead but I have a sister who is married with two dc. We are very close. I have a couple of aunts who I'm in contact with but live fairly far away...a few cousins who I never speak to or see. That's about it. Dh has a huge family but isn't as close to them as I am with my small family.

One of the biggest factors in the size of my family is poor health...lots died well before their time...My mum was only in her 40s when she died. Also one branch of the family moved abroad.

Comedycook · 27/10/2021 07:52

@DoraMaude

I'm in my 50s and I have no-one. It's been very hard to come to terms with after I lost my only sibling earlier this year. My family are completely gone.

I have my DH, and his family who I love dearly.

So sorry for your loss Flowers
GoodnightGrandma · 27/10/2021 07:55

I never see my cousins. Only have my DM left.
DH has siblings but never sees them either as they live all over the country, and make no effort to see each other.
Family is no guarantee of company.

Athrawes · 27/10/2021 07:55

Elderly father.in another country, brother in third country. Young son.
I struggle to know what to write when forms ask for my next of kin.

DoraMaude · 27/10/2021 07:56

Comedycook - thank you. I wasn't really looking for sympathy, I hope it didn't seem that way. I've found this thread interesting and helpful as I think a lot about my family being gone. No-one to share childhood memories with any more. It feels surreal.

MeatyRvita · 27/10/2021 07:57

I’ve got a very large extended family of cousins/aunties and uncles etc but very rarely see them- maybe a few every 5 years or at funerals?
Apart from that there is just me, dh, our ds and my mum. No family on dh side.

nordica · 27/10/2021 07:58

Just my mum and her aunt. That's it, everyone else has either died or didn't exist (I've never had cousins for example). I'm single and don't have kids either. I don't think anyone would notice for weeks if I died in my sleep...

It is lonely. It's hard to explain to people with big families but I feel like most people are part of a family network even when they're not in touch with them all, and I've never had that. People talk about family parties and WhatsApp groups and at Christmas they tend to retreat to their families. It's not the same you can have with friends.

fruckkkit · 27/10/2021 08:05

We both have one sibling each and 4 DNs between us, I have DM and DH has DM, DF and SM. We don't see any of them more than about once a year though and never really have any family events or gatherings. I don't think my DNs could pick me out of a line up tbh not seen them in at least 3 years and one I've never met. I do have several cousins, aunties and uncles but not seen any if them for over 30 years. I assume DH has some but no idea how many / what their names are or anything.

LindaEllen · 27/10/2021 08:10

I have both parents, one set of grandparents and a brother. I do have aunties and uncles and cousins but don't see them regularly (only at funerals!)

Clandestin · 27/10/2021 08:10

I think you’re idealising having a large family, OP. DH and I (aged 48 and 49) both have large families — four and five siblings, all four parents still alive, DH’s mother is one of thirteen siblings, his father one of five, and as DH is the baby of his family, his siblings’ adult children are having their own children), and we both gave lots of cousins — but we’ve spent most of our adult lives living in a different country to all relatives. We have one child by choice, and none of my siblings have children, so things will be smaller by DS’s adulthood.

Holly60 · 27/10/2021 08:19

Between me and DH:

1 parent
2 children plus their partners
4 grandchildren
4 siblings
4 nephews/nieces plus their families

We are very close to all, see everyone regularly except some of the niblings as they live abroad

starrynight21 · 27/10/2021 08:20

Big families are not always wonderful. My ex husband had a big family - he was one of 9 and they all had lots of kids - but they were really dysfunctional and always having huge arguments and fall outs. I'm happy with my tiny family, any day !

StCharlotte · 27/10/2021 08:29

For example we are miles away from my cousins and only ever see them at family funerals.

We had a flurry of aunt and uncle funerals a few years back and one cousin suggest meeting up not for a funeral. So (in normal times) someone will host a get-together. Everyone brings a plate of food so if there are only four of you, that's fine or if there are 46 of you (the record turnout so far), that's fine too. It's been lovely rekindling childhood relationships.

It does need someone to take the lead - why not you?

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 27/10/2021 11:05

Me, my DD (conceived via donor IVF) and mum. That's it. To be fair, my dad was still alive when I had DD and although I do have a brother, he decided to go NC with us (long story) that's been 10 years and no hope of reconciliation. I think people with large families and a lot of support will never have that feeling of living their life walking on a tightrope and trying to keep from falling
BUT I have a beautiful dd and she's all I ever wanted so I count my blessings.

OurChristmasMiracle · 27/10/2021 11:08

Early 30s. Both parents deceased. No aunts or uncles still alive or grandparents. 1 Sibling who I am no contact with. One child- who was placed for adoption and no partner/husband

Realistically it is just me but I am fortunate that I have amazing friends who have become my family.

Hbh17 · 27/10/2021 11:33

Genuinely baffled as to why people think it's more important to have family than to have friends!

BearSoFair · 27/10/2021 11:39

Both my parents
1 sister
2 brothers (regular contact with one)

DH's Mum
1 sister
1 brother

3 DC

senorafridgidaire · 27/10/2021 11:39

@Hbh17 I'm not sure anyone is saying it's more important. But I think a lot of people who do have multiple good, supportive family relationships, it's an anchor, a place they always belong and always have someone to turn to. If you don't have that (I don't) then it can feel like you're missing out on something that other people have just been lucky enough to be born into.

Duchess379 · 27/10/2021 11:41

My 'unit' is me, mum & dad. I have cousins on both sides but seldom talk to them. Parents came from large families with a lot of squabbles going on so they weren't close to their siblings as I grew up. Is what it is.

Comedycook · 27/10/2021 11:44

[quote senorafridgidaire]@Hbh17 I'm not sure anyone is saying it's more important. But I think a lot of people who do have multiple good, supportive family relationships, it's an anchor, a place they always belong and always have someone to turn to. If you don't have that (I don't) then it can feel like you're missing out on something that other people have just been lucky enough to be born into.[/quote]
Yes I agree with this.