Anyone else dreading Christmas because of THIS

[themadcatparade]

Anyone else dread Christmas with kids because they end up with a load of SHITE on January they haven't got room for?

We have two kids (one each) so naturally they have a set of grandparents each and another home to have Christmas at so they get spoiled. So we have the girls and then they go to my grandparents where Santa has been and then my partners parents for more presents and then their other home. Every Christmas, every birthday, Easter, Halloween, bonfire night etc we end up with a massive pile of crap that we can't find a place for or we need to Chuck things. Sweets, chocolate, plastic shite, every fucking year when we say every year not to spoilt them with too much and it's never adhered to.

I wouldn't mind but we live in a tiny two bed rental with no storage (we were due to move this year to a family home but 'covid') so we are stuck with another year homing gifts from two birthdays and Christmas and Halloween shite and we just can't do it. They will come home Christmas Day with a big bag from my mums and a bin bag from my partners parents because they refuse to keep the stuff they have bought the kids in their tidy homes when we struggle to find places for the stuff we have got them for Christmas. Hence the effort of a massive clear out every year and my stomach drops with how much money in material we have to throw in the tip every year because it's been played with once or not bothered with.

It's my DDs birthday and my mum told me she bought her a sowing machine for some reason and as great as it is that she's encouraging such activities I absolutely lost my shit when she said that I can take home her small dining room table to place the sowing machine on when our house is literally cramped! I sent her a picture of the corner of the living room (where the bloody tree normally goes no idea how we are going to manage that too this year) and there's a large armchair, a large cupboard full of their shoes, two large cardboard boxes of sport stuff we don't have room for, a cabinet we can't decide where to put, a gymnastics mat which keeps marking the wall as we have to cram it behind the armchair, a Henry vac which won't fit in a cupboard and two boxes of books and documents we can't find space for. Do you know what she said?

"It will fit under the window still surely..."

NO!!!

I still have a large LOL house which is just over waist high from last birthday which was bought for them and expected to be kept at ours (I begged them not to buy as it was an 'extra' present) which is blocking the couch and the doorway you have to squeeze past it when you come in the front doorway. We have a cupboard full of sweets and chocolate from over the year which they haven't eaten or else they would be having sweets and chocolate every day (SD's mouth is full of fillings at 7 year old and the reason why we only let them have chocolate and sweets as a treat) and they will still come home with buckets of sweets and crap for Halloween, which is pointless because we are taking them trick or treating and they will come back with loads anyway. I'm literally clearing out bin bags and then the house is filling up again.

I know I sound like a right Scrooge but it literally is every single year this happens even though we warn them not to because it's all expected to come home with us and it's never listened to. I know grandparents want to treat their kids but do so at your own avail and don't expect us to accommodate crap they will not use when we physically can't in the first place. We have our own Christmas shite to deal with.

My DD even got sent home from her dads the other year with a bag full of stuff from his house that he didn't have room for in his three bed new build, it was impolitely declined.

Please tell me I'm not the only one but I'm dreading it this year again. I don't know it it feels worse as in now work from home and I don't have time or energy to sort out all the rubbish and find a place for everything before Christmas just to go through it all over again, but it's my working environment and I can't work when it's so messy and full of junk that other people keep bringing in to our lives 😭😭😭😭

..because not before...

NRTFT

I feel for you, it’s not to bad these days, I do most of the spoiling so I can buy what’s going to be used. But previously the GPs and other family would buy lots. I’m NC with my side now so they get nothing from them anymore and DHs family now buy only what we ask for. They will add something extra, usually a couple of smaller gifts but manageable.

Every year I have giant Xmas bags for each one, as as they open things I trail behind them picking everything up and put things straight into their bags just leaving the key gifts they are focussing on out. Once out of sight they are mostly forgotten about until later. The bags can literally stay there for months with unopened gifts or gifts that have been opened but never played with. If you use the tall bags rather than the wide ones it’s harder for them to find things at the bottom. They are so overwhelmed they forget about most of it. I squirrel things out of the bags over the following days and have a box I keep in a wardrobe for immediate regifting. Things I don’t not approve of (bunchems! Or similar) immediately vanish from sight. Other things I put away to come out through the year.

I would put your foot down. Tell them exactly what they need or want. I missed how old your DDs are. Maybe say if they want to get DDs something to open get things like a popcorn maker, candy floss machine, chocolate fountain, slushy machine or the slushy cups. Things that can be stored in kitchen cupboards and can be practically used. Or new bedding, dressing gowns, oodies (fake obviously) big looking gifts that don’t take the whole house up.

I would also get them sorting through their own toys to donate. Put the job on them. I do with mine a lot, then there is no comeback or meltdown when they realise somethings missing. We have a giant dolls house, but I’m the guilty one there. It’s mainly used for storage and to Chuck washing on.

Tell grandparents you want to build memories and rather than giving "stuff" can they give vouchers for activities for the dc to try

rock climbing
snowboarding - snow dome
Indoor water parks

that type of stuff for the children to try and get different experiences

then ask for clothing vouchers or clothes for through the year

It’s really depressing, how much crap is produced just to end up being thrown away. Could you say that you’re thinking of limiting presents for environmental reasons? Or that you’re trying to reduce plastic?

I hate this! My DH family are awful for buying huge plastic toys that I don’t have space for and the kids only play with briefly. We also have very little storage. I now have a big clear out a few months before Christmas to make space, I’ve just sold lots of things via market place and have made a few hundred pounds, all priced to sell. I also try and come up with specific ideas that don’t take up too much space to give to the worst offenders. I find it’s counter productive them being bought large toys that we don’t have space for as we then have to get rid of other toys earlier that we would have done to make space.

I also sometimes add ideas like pyjamas, slippers, dressing gowns, wellies etc that they need and will be used but are maybe nicer than the ones I’d usually buy. I like the something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read idea too.

My mum played Bloxberg with DD and Fortnite with DS and then kind of understood why they want fake money (bought with real money) to build their fake worlds so now indulges them. Will buy other stuff as well but not as much! It's hard as they live overseas so harder to do a day out.

Fortunately my inlaws have calmed down the past couple of years and they might get DCs a lego set or something else that adds to a collection they already have. BUT MiL loves shopping for clothes. Its often very good quality and although not something I'd choose, the DCs like them so thats fine. But its the quantity and lack of thought about them. You can't put any of it together to make an outfit. Last year alone my eldest was given 17 jumpers between her October Birthday and Christmas. I'd rather ask for money towards clothes that I can buy for the Summer. That would help us massively.

Have you set up Children's ISAs? Get relatives to put Xmas money into them instead of buying stuff.

We came home one year from in laws with the car stuffed with plastic cheap shit. We couldn’t fit it all in.
MIL rang every single day in January to see when we were getting the rest. In the end DH went up alone (5 hours each way) to pick up these cheap toys which weren’t even age appropriate for DC and just went to the charity shop.
Glad we are past that stage.

I feel your pain although even ours isn’t quite this bad!

I’ve just done a big clear out and I totally understand about the bits that get opened, half emptied, bits lost etc, that was a lot of the shite I got rid of.

I have got better at intercepting stuff from the kids that I know won’t get played with before they open it. I then store it out of sight for parties or for selling on.

I’ve just sold loads on marketplace and made a few quid, but I listed at a couple of quid a piece so they definitely went.

Another thing I’ve done is told the kids I’ll split the money with them for anything I can sell. My eldest in particular was very incentivised but this and actually started volunteering bits to sell!

Can you not re-direct to clothes or books or something needed?

I did find it gets less as kids get older - or with IL when we moved to a bigger property then they went other way and bought only a few small things and got PA about what we bought - especially amount of books - the book people were great for us.

I would tell them that you are having to give the stuff away that they have already bought. It might make them think twice?

@tara66

Have you set up Children's ISAs? Get relatives to put Xmas money into them instead of buying stuff.

I don't mean to be wide, but have you read the thread where the Mum is not wanting her drug abusing son to get his hands on a shed load of money she'd saved for him?

It's in a child account and nothing she can do about it. Makes more sense to use a building society trust account.

I was half way through my gift planning when I caught myself with the mentality that I want them to have a load to open as usual, and usually this is something I grapple between - wanting to be sensible, measured and choose quality over quantity, but also wanting to make sure Christmas is a "wow" event and unfortunately that has always for me meant a big haul.

This year, I don't know if it's because I lost my dad last year and this is the first "proper" Christmas without him (he died shortly before Christmas last year so everything was already bought really) but I do not have that struggle at all now. All I want is to give my kids a few beautiful, meaningful items that they need and want, and prepare a stocking of fun and magic bits. No more big piles under the tree being priority, no more over consumerism, no more fomo or worries about social/peer pressure.

It's a big weight off my shoulders to be honest. The logistics, the preparation, the money, the wrapping, all of it will be much less. They're 21st Century kids, they already have a room full of toys and want for nothing. I just want it to be about family, and magic, and love.

At the beginning of very major school holiday, we have a clear out,

1. Wardrobes and draws - outgrown/ unwanted
2. Shoes, trainers and coats
3. Toys, games and boys and bobs

I'm ruthless......
It helps to keep on top of everything

Oh and I should probably add that we are in the small child phase with DC who will be 6, just 4 and nearly 2 and Christmas, so very much overwhelmed by well meaning large plastic objects. Including the ones we feel obligated to buy!

YANBU

I'm past those years now but I still resent the thoughtless, excessive, gift giving resulting in a tsunami of tat.

My dad had form for buying loads of stuff on eBay for our DC - we would go round and there would be a massive sack for them. Worse was lots of it was age inappropriate e.g. for my two year old her would buy a remote control helicopter (marked age 12+) and a coat for an 8 year old and he didn't have much money.

MIL would bring round a packet of junk food (e.g. cheap cakes) and a toy car for DS every single time she came to our house (amongst other crap we didn't want). DS never showed any real interest in toy cars and they never got played with (she knew this). His hoarding instinct was strong though...It got to the point where I stopped inviting PIL round for dinner as any attempt at boundary setting would result in a much bigger car the next week and a massive cuddly toy from the charity shop as a bonus. Ah the games we play...

Absolutely. I cringe When the kids are opening presents of millions of pieces of complete tat they have no interest in and fleecy pyjamas that would cause you to overheat in an igloo Im thinking please don't take off the labels or how soon does the charity shop open. I live in a small house and I'm a hoarder with three kids so it's a nightmare.

Charity shops cannot sell dirty/ripped clothing, visibly broken toys or games/puzzles with bits missing. Please don't dump bags of rubbish like this outside their doors (below the signs saying please don't leave donations outside).

@PrincessesRUs

I'd also say sell stuff but if you're like me I've no time to do that!!

Not only time - selling stuff is such a hassle.

You could put the crown jewels on e-bay for a quid, and some wanker will try to bargain you down to 50p and still demand delivery.

I am a bit uncomfortable with throwing or giving away dc toys.
they were given to dc. they belong to them.

I haven’t read the full thread- I have a somewhat similar issue but it’s actually more complicated before I have to suggest the presents because my daughter is severely disabled and can’t/won’t play with almost anything.
Living in a small space with huge pieces of physio etc equipment plus toys. I often cry!
Here’s some thoughts:
Tell them that you are concerned about the environment and waste and excess stuff will just go to charity and you don’t want to hurt their feelings but could they buy (age appropriate):
Books
Pjs
Coats
Trainers (you know the fun light up type/ fun wellies)
Popcorn maker to share
Craft kit that gets used up
Dressing up outfits (easier to get rid )
Party outfits
Colouring books
Small games (like the orchard games)
Lego/duplo etc that doesn’t have to be kept in one big space
Kid’s jewellery sets etc
Or experiences as a pp said.

Kids learn to expect what they get by we teach them.
I’d be firm and mean it re them keeping any big plastic tat

@Beowulfa

Charity shops cannot sell dirty/ripped clothing, visibly broken toys or games/puzzles with bits missing. Please don't dump bags of rubbish like this outside their doors (below the signs saying please don't leave donations outside).

Wow didn't know that. I throw all my broken rubbish outside charity shop doors.

As previous pp has said money would be a good option. I always buy my grandchildren token gifts then pay money into a savings account for anything they want need. Works well and helps parents out to.