Anyone else dreading Christmas because of THIS

[themadcatparade]

Anyone else dread Christmas with kids because they end up with a load of SHITE on January they haven't got room for?

We have two kids (one each) so naturally they have a set of grandparents each and another home to have Christmas at so they get spoiled. So we have the girls and then they go to my grandparents where Santa has been and then my partners parents for more presents and then their other home. Every Christmas, every birthday, Easter, Halloween, bonfire night etc we end up with a massive pile of crap that we can't find a place for or we need to Chuck things. Sweets, chocolate, plastic shite, every fucking year when we say every year not to spoilt them with too much and it's never adhered to.

I wouldn't mind but we live in a tiny two bed rental with no storage (we were due to move this year to a family home but 'covid') so we are stuck with another year homing gifts from two birthdays and Christmas and Halloween shite and we just can't do it. They will come home Christmas Day with a big bag from my mums and a bin bag from my partners parents because they refuse to keep the stuff they have bought the kids in their tidy homes when we struggle to find places for the stuff we have got them for Christmas. Hence the effort of a massive clear out every year and my stomach drops with how much money in material we have to throw in the tip every year because it's been played with once or not bothered with.

It's my DDs birthday and my mum told me she bought her a sowing machine for some reason and as great as it is that she's encouraging such activities I absolutely lost my shit when she said that I can take home her small dining room table to place the sowing machine on when our house is literally cramped! I sent her a picture of the corner of the living room (where the bloody tree normally goes no idea how we are going to manage that too this year) and there's a large armchair, a large cupboard full of their shoes, two large cardboard boxes of sport stuff we don't have room for, a cabinet we can't decide where to put, a gymnastics mat which keeps marking the wall as we have to cram it behind the armchair, a Henry vac which won't fit in a cupboard and two boxes of books and documents we can't find space for. Do you know what she said?

"It will fit under the window still surely..."

NO!!!

I still have a large LOL house which is just over waist high from last birthday which was bought for them and expected to be kept at ours (I begged them not to buy as it was an 'extra' present) which is blocking the couch and the doorway you have to squeeze past it when you come in the front doorway. We have a cupboard full of sweets and chocolate from over the year which they haven't eaten or else they would be having sweets and chocolate every day (SD's mouth is full of fillings at 7 year old and the reason why we only let them have chocolate and sweets as a treat) and they will still come home with buckets of sweets and crap for Halloween, which is pointless because we are taking them trick or treating and they will come back with loads anyway. I'm literally clearing out bin bags and then the house is filling up again.

I know I sound like a right Scrooge but it literally is every single year this happens even though we warn them not to because it's all expected to come home with us and it's never listened to. I know grandparents want to treat their kids but do so at your own avail and don't expect us to accommodate crap they will not use when we physically can't in the first place. We have our own Christmas shite to deal with.

My DD even got sent home from her dads the other year with a bag full of stuff from his house that he didn't have room for in his three bed new build, it was impolitely declined.

Please tell me I'm not the only one but I'm dreading it this year again. I don't know it it feels worse as in now work from home and I don't have time or energy to sort out all the rubbish and find a place for everything before Christmas just to go through it all over again, but it's my working environment and I can't work when it's so messy and full of junk that other people keep bringing in to our lives 😭😭😭😭

Always seems such a daft waste of money let alone spoiling the children. Shame they can't be persuaded to use their generosity differently so that there are savings for the children later as they start to need expensive things like laptops and driving lessons. Just a few small things well chosen to open not a pile of tat.

YANBU, I give books and money unless otherwise directed. It's still fun for me.

PIL buy my children bags and bags of shit. Things they don’t want or need. Just loads of tat, clothes the children wouldn’t wear.

The children have stuff they actually want and ned but don’t get because they spend hundreds on bits of rubbish.

Every year dh tells them not to just buy random things, every year they don’t listen and do it anyway.

My dad asks for a list of things they want.

We’ve got tonie boxes for our girls which has been fab for cutting down on the stuff that takes up space - ask for tonie box figures for pressies and the kids love them, they’re useful and take up next to no space.

We had this. But fortunately it was DH who was pissed off with all the kids toys. Pointedly told him it wasn't my fault our Dc were his mother's only grandchildren.... He had words. Now she buys them a couple of books, a small game or something similar and takes them out alone for the day. They much prefer the undivided attention of MIL and PIL for a day than any pile of toys.

Why are you throwing away things that

Donate them

@WaterAndRichTea

Why are you throwing away things that

Donate them

She is...

YANBU.

We don't have much family - just both sets of grandparents. But they end up with SO MUCH STUFF.

And you're right, most of it is crap.

I have tried telling them that too much stuff just completely overwhelms them and they can't enjoy any of it for this reason.

My parents still do it, because they love to "spoil them." And I have to just let this go because they are fantastic with them throughout the year. Do so much for all of us.

My MIL does fuck all for them, never sees them, has no interest, yet buys a pile of crap at Christmas. I am less tolerant of this but not a lot I can do since it's already been bought.

I just sell or charity shop the stuff she buys, if I can. I hate her, so I don't feel guilty about this. It's never age appropriate or anything they are into anyway.

Can you just drop it back on tue doorstep and say "they can play with it here" and then just refuse to take it?

YANBU. We have DCs bdays a month either side of xmas too.

I've asked grandparents just to give one thing for each occasion. As it was getting silly, everything would be a mess and get lost.

No more jigsaws and small toys unless it's the only thing. MIL in particular likes to go in to poundland and buy £20 worth of 'bits' for each, for xmas.

The ideal thing would be 1 gift each for bday / xmas to unwrap and an outing or experience

We live in a very small house and basically have to have a clear out before Christmas that consists of all the shite from the previous year. It's great now they are getting older they don't really ask for toys, but we've just had another one so the cycle continues. I've managed to persuade close family to give them money now which is great.

I completely understand why you’re frustrated (we give money to our child relatives) but what I don’t understand is why you’re putting anything in the tip, let alone stuff that’s barely used. And pretty much every supermarket now has a trolley of donated food etc, so much easier to dump sweets and chocolates there rather than track down a food bank.

The parents of our children normally have a clear out of toys in October/November time. Anything in decent condition that has not played with in the last six months goes to the charity shop to make room for new toys. Everyone is warned that anything shedding glitter stays in the house of the person who bought it. And they are absolutely resolute.

I'll have to rethink our strategy this year in regards to the grandparents.

The only person who has listened is my dad who now gives us money for Christmas for them (but it's literally because he's lazy, he doesn't do presents he even asked me to write my own card once when I was younger) but it's come in good use as we put it towards a half term weekend break for them throughout the year when we feel like we all need a treat. It's been great and I'm terribly grateful for it because we do not expect. He's not usually bothered too much at Christmas in the early years no presents for them or card but he will pop up and see them (and once surprised by DD when she was younger by dressing as Santa and visiting in the morning which was ace!!) and he knows that the gifts don't matter to me it's the time and the thoughtfulness that does. I was never materialistic growing up and I always wanted my DD the same but her dads side are very materialistic and she's always coming home with new gadgets and clothes and her attitude comes along with it.

Rotating toys isn't a bad idea I'll take that in to account.

Last year we tried to get them more practical stuff like bedding and a personalised storage basket for their teddies but it kind of backfired because they pulled their faces! They are so used to getting toys and expensive crap off the family they won't use that they actually pulled their faces at some of the different more useful presents we got them. My SD isn't so bad and seems very grateful for almost anything come birthdays and Christmas but my own daughter is the opposite - she's grateful and humble at anytime of the year but come birthdays and Christmas it's like she can't handle the attention and the gifts and she becomes very bratty it's sickening ( as I mentioned above) and I put this down to grandparents behaviour and the rest of her family. My mum was terrible for letting her open her gifts all in the run up to her birthday which used to spoil the magic of the day even though it used to irk me and I told her many times to save stuff until her birthday.

Charities and food shops would be ultra grateful you could even make a few quid on market place or car boots....be grateful there's a lot of parents and kids out there and on here who don't have extended family to get gifts lavished on them

I wonder whether it shows how costs have changed. A lot of gifts are relatively much cheaper now than they were 40 years ago while housing (and thus space to store stuff) is more expensive.

My mum used to buy my DCs these enormous sets of books that she saw in catalogues like Book Depository. 30 books for £12, what a bargain! Except they were 30 rubbish books no one wanted which we had nowhere to store. One well chosen book would have been a much better gift.

@PrincessesRUs

I'd also say sell stuff but if you're like me I've no time to do that!!

If she's got time to write such a lengthy post on here, she has time! It takes 30-60 seconds to write a description, snap a couple of pics and post for free from the comfort of her own home, then you yes/no relies and answer door for collection of said advertised item

My mum is the worst for this. She purposely doesn't run things by me as she knows I'll say no.

Last year my son got a tool workbench. He played with it once. It's now in the box in his wardrobe. It feels rude to get rid of it as it's not my money that's being wasted.

Both my mum and my MIL have a habit of buying me throw cushions. I'm dreading that this year - I bloody hate them and I've no where to keep them now my son has been upgraded to the "spare room".

Have you talked with your DDs in the run up to Christmas about the excess? Maybe you can make a plan with them that they will pick their top 5 or 10 favourite items from all the gifts, the top 3 useful items and then donate the rest to a charity of their choice. Get them involved in researching the charities and picking one. Then on Christmas day, they unwrap the gifts but dont open the boxes. Bring them all home and then have the fun of sorting and choosing and then giving to others.

The same on Halloween. When my dc were younger they would keep the quantity of sweets that was their age plus five. The rest were donated to kids who didnt have a chance to go trick or treating (DH’s office - they all act like kids sometimes!). In more recent years our police station has put out a halloween donation box for sweets to be sent to armed forces overseas.

If you can’t persuade everyone to buy less why don’t you donate it?

Your mum clearly has her own issues, so she’s not going to be an easy one to fix!

There’s no point wasting money on a proper sewing machine if no-ones going to sit for hours and teach your DD how to use it! Small kids sewing machines are a complete waste of money and don’t work very well so could well put her off sewing for life.

@SeaToSki oooh I love this idea! I won't seem too mean then Every now and then when they have a tidy up I put a charity bag at the top of the stairs and they do find stuff to donate they seem to like doing this so that's not a bad idea with unboxed items at all. I might try this tactic.

My partner is quite bad with wanting to cling on to things, especially brand new things so he's going to be the hardest one to convince I think. The amount of times I've said for example 'they have played this game once, why don't we get clear of it' and his attitude is 'exactly it's essentially new so we should keep it' 🤦🏻‍♀️

They are the sort of kids that are warned and encouraged to look after their toys, but don't. A doll will have a felt tip mark on and lost clothes just weeks after playing with, jigsaw pieces are missing, pen lids are chewed, game pieces are missing or damaged. It's not a three minute job to divide toys in to what's donatable, sellable and what is junk it's really not. Last time I had a clear out it took over a few days - we both work full time and my partner does extra evenings on top of his job half the week so we are knackered, the house often gets a miss - it's clean but full of junk. We are natural hoarders - maybe that's something we could consider for a New Years resolution but we do try. The kids stuff takes up the majority of the living room and their bedroom.

Sweets and things are difficult when they come home with them and they ask and ask and ask because they know they are there and it's a 'no', these are often put in the cupboard until they 'forget' about them as not to be so cruel to just give away when they first bring them home. We don't buy sweets or chocolate (ever) ourselves for them for this reason - they always have.

@FatBettyintheCoop right?? I said this to her that it won't be used but it's not the worst gift I suppose at least it's practical. This is after months of convincing her not to buy her a type writer?! Bonkers mentality.

I feel you. My parents are the same. I ask them to leave stuff there for them and they ask where? They have no room.
I have a small newbuild, 3 bed but tiny rooms.
They have TWO SPARE BEDROOMS!
There's 2 of them.
Four of us.
We have less square footage.
We have more shit.
I did say YABU though, because you can just pass things on or sell, you don't need to bin it all. Less fortunate people will be thrilled you are selling barely used toys at a fraction of retail or giving away.

We have 4 dcs between us!
My dc
His dc
2x ours jointly.

Thankfully the older 2s things from their other parent stays there. Although my dc will often bring the crap back from the other gone that they don't want there (dusty old charity shop shite he has no interest in at age 15!)

My parents are seperated so that's 2 separate piles Of gifts x 4.. Dh parents buy a huge pile. Then his GPS.

We have a biggish house and a playroom. But that's running out of space.

One example of what my 3 year old received from GPS on birthday alone

8 ft trampoline, double swing set. 9ft slide. Kids make up. Build a bear. Scooter. Playdoh, puzzles, clothes, books, toy story toys. Toy cars, duplo x 5 sets! Dolls styling head and hairdresser kit.

That was 1 birthday!

They also have a whole selection of toys at dhs parents. And my DF. My dm has a few but rarely go there.

My youngest is in between the age of playing like shape sorters plastic chunky stuff to 'toy cars' type stuff. Altho not 2 until after Xmas. He prefers the older Stuff

Again I clear out every year before Xmas and during the year.
I can't wait until we're past the ' mega blocks' type stage and have smaller Stuff. We have 3 of the trofast large boxes of mega blocks alone. :/

Have this problem too with very loving family and lack of home space. So have said money or clothes that they can wear. No toys, no books, no stationery, no food. Family accepted this. I think you need to be a bit firmer. And also get rid of some of the things as new as they may seem, give them to a charity or to a children’s centre and tell this to your family so they can see it is a waste of their money as you end up giving it away.

I'd not I did