Anyone else dreading Christmas because of THIS

[themadcatparade]

Anyone else dread Christmas with kids because they end up with a load of SHITE on January they haven't got room for?

We have two kids (one each) so naturally they have a set of grandparents each and another home to have Christmas at so they get spoiled. So we have the girls and then they go to my grandparents where Santa has been and then my partners parents for more presents and then their other home. Every Christmas, every birthday, Easter, Halloween, bonfire night etc we end up with a massive pile of crap that we can't find a place for or we need to Chuck things. Sweets, chocolate, plastic shite, every fucking year when we say every year not to spoilt them with too much and it's never adhered to.

I wouldn't mind but we live in a tiny two bed rental with no storage (we were due to move this year to a family home but 'covid') so we are stuck with another year homing gifts from two birthdays and Christmas and Halloween shite and we just can't do it. They will come home Christmas Day with a big bag from my mums and a bin bag from my partners parents because they refuse to keep the stuff they have bought the kids in their tidy homes when we struggle to find places for the stuff we have got them for Christmas. Hence the effort of a massive clear out every year and my stomach drops with how much money in material we have to throw in the tip every year because it's been played with once or not bothered with.

It's my DDs birthday and my mum told me she bought her a sowing machine for some reason and as great as it is that she's encouraging such activities I absolutely lost my shit when she said that I can take home her small dining room table to place the sowing machine on when our house is literally cramped! I sent her a picture of the corner of the living room (where the bloody tree normally goes no idea how we are going to manage that too this year) and there's a large armchair, a large cupboard full of their shoes, two large cardboard boxes of sport stuff we don't have room for, a cabinet we can't decide where to put, a gymnastics mat which keeps marking the wall as we have to cram it behind the armchair, a Henry vac which won't fit in a cupboard and two boxes of books and documents we can't find space for. Do you know what she said?

"It will fit under the window still surely..."

NO!!!

I still have a large LOL house which is just over waist high from last birthday which was bought for them and expected to be kept at ours (I begged them not to buy as it was an 'extra' present) which is blocking the couch and the doorway you have to squeeze past it when you come in the front doorway. We have a cupboard full of sweets and chocolate from over the year which they haven't eaten or else they would be having sweets and chocolate every day (SD's mouth is full of fillings at 7 year old and the reason why we only let them have chocolate and sweets as a treat) and they will still come home with buckets of sweets and crap for Halloween, which is pointless because we are taking them trick or treating and they will come back with loads anyway. I'm literally clearing out bin bags and then the house is filling up again.

I know I sound like a right Scrooge but it literally is every single year this happens even though we warn them not to because it's all expected to come home with us and it's never listened to. I know grandparents want to treat their kids but do so at your own avail and don't expect us to accommodate crap they will not use when we physically can't in the first place. We have our own Christmas shite to deal with.

My DD even got sent home from her dads the other year with a bag full of stuff from his house that he didn't have room for in his three bed new build, it was impolitely declined.

Please tell me I'm not the only one but I'm dreading it this year again. I don't know it it feels worse as in now work from home and I don't have time or energy to sort out all the rubbish and find a place for everything before Christmas just to go through it all over again, but it's my working environment and I can't work when it's so messy and full of junk that other people keep bringing in to our lives 😭😭😭😭

Unused or immaculate toys there's normally Toy appeals leading to Xmas.

We have about 10 boxed items from last Xmas the kids have no interest in so they'll go to the box in sainsburys that collects toys

Yep on a massive declutter so we have somewhere to put it all with the added bonus made some money flogging it to pay for Xmas.

My aim is to clear one thing a day from this house either by selling, donating or recycling.

Donate stuff to charity rather than throwing it out. If you can put some unopened stuff aside and donate that.

How about telling them that you don’t have room for the toys and if they buy them a bin bag full of new toys they will have to take a bin bag full of older toys and store them in their house. And bring a bagful with you.

I will ask them to pick a charity and tell the families this and what they get them is to their own consequence. I'm sure the girls will be on board with that.

I'm going to seem like I'm being awfully cruel to my DH and his family I know I am. I just can't do it anymore I have too much stuff around this house to sort out and too little time on my hands than dealing with piles of toys to sort as well!

@MoreThanAnOffDay

Unused or immaculate toys there's normally Toy appeals leading to Xmas.

We have about 10 boxed items from last Xmas the kids have no interest in so they'll go to the box in sainsburys that collects toys

The problem if you've got to store them somewhere for 10-11 months to donate at the next years toy drive

@thelegohooverer

How about telling them that you don’t have room for the toys and if they buy them a bin bag full of new toys they will have to take a bin bag full of older toys and store them in their house. And bring a bagful with you.

I couldn't image how that would go down they would be mortified 😂

Firstly, get the kids to sort out what they don't play with anymore. Anything not broken either sell, or donate to charity (there is no need at all for these things to end up at the tip). If you sell out money made into accounts for the children.

Secondly, tell grandparents what gifts to buy, that way you have some control over size etc, and tell them any extras won't be brought home. Stand your ground. Once things start piling up they will stop buying so much. Alternatively give them the option to buy one gift and provide money or gift cards instead of extra gifts. The children can spend that throughout the year. But set a condition. For each thing you buy, you need to give away or sell an existing thing.

Be firmer

Suggest you get DH on board with the donation plan before Christmas and all the temptation is in front of him. Then write down the plan get everyone to sign it (DC and DH) and stick it on the fridge. It reduces the chance of backsliding. And just throw all the sweets and chocolate away. Say it's gone off or mice got into it. Start with a clean slate. Then be mean with incoming sweets. Teach the DC it's ok to set a boundary and stick to it. Too much chocolate and sweets is almost a poison for DC. You would not let them keep vape stuff just because they begged. It's not quite the same, but on the spectrum.

Only read your op but I feel your pain!

I have no advice because we lived with this for years and didn't ever find a solution but take comfort in the fact that, once the children are older, the presents get a lot smaller

Bring all the big things over to your parents house so your child can play with them there.

Advertise on Freecycle, Freegle and Next Door - people come from far and wide to pick up stuff that’s free. It all goes very fast. The confectionary -> food bank or Olio app.

@themadcatparade

Don't get me wrong I am grateful they have people to provide such things for them but I hate waste and it's they money thing -

My mum will literally get a loan she can't physically pay back to spoil them at Christmas. She doesn't work and struggles to pay her bills enough as it is and is always asking for money and I tell her every single year not to buy or we will say some stuff is from her that we bought. That's on her for being the way she is, I know. I told her not to get that house last year because she could afford it and she was begging me to help her pay a bill for her come January it's so frustrating!

The other grandparents, well can you imagine how this conversation goes down

"Are you taking your presents home?"

"No sorry, we don't have the roo it will have to stay here..."

The girls "Awh but we want to play with it, can we take our presents home, please!"

The grandparents "Awh they want to play with it at home, they've only just gotten it today"

Every. Single. Year.

When I say 'chucked out' stuff is tipped, donated, given to people, but it's sorting it all out over Christmas and January and my partner is one for 'but my mum spent money on that we can't get rid of it' and then I find myself sneakily getting rid months later when it's cast aside and it's forgotten about.

The main point is, it's a huge effort and money wasted all around when we warm them in the first place every year.

Then why not sell everything not used and give her a set amount to spend. Use rest to help her with her bills.

You need to start saying no, but meaning no and carrying it through. Ie, not taking things homes.

Another idea, don't go to the grandparents, have them come to your house Xmas Eve or Christmas morning. Maybe once they see the ridiculous size of the gift pile (your gifts, their gifts, gifts from others) it might make them think differently. Whilst gifts being given at their own houses they only see the size of items they buy which is probably why they don't see your point of view

[quote themadcatparade]@PrincessesRUs I literally have a pop up bed tent that has been relisted on marketplace too many times from three years ago - easy enough to say you can sell it but it's not so easy to actually sell is it 😂[/quote]
Give it to charity then

My sister had this with her inlaws (and to be fair our mum, but by the time I had DS, my sister had sorted out my mum) one year she made a note of every single present, then come the next november, she gave away everything her two hadn't played with, it was something like 80% of all the grandparents gifts hadn't been played with and she calmly stated that to them, with photos, it worked, far less presents that year and she didn't give anywhere near as much away the following year

Sorry i haven't rtft. I'm in the same boat and am already trying really hard to compile a list of stuff they really want/need and that I don't mind coming into the house.

I've previously overcompensated for the fact my 2 dc only really get gifts from me at home ,and have ended up buying more /topping up to "make it special".

This year, they are getting 1 "main" present, maybe 3 small ones,and a stocking. I'm determined to stick to this.

I've also started weeding weeding out toys to go and will list sone on local Facebook pages to sell off cheap. Better than throwing away.

Also, I'll list on Facebook at sensible prices , offer bundles, take offers and then if not sold and collected within 2 weeks,take to charity shop

I think a frank discussion ahead of Christmas shopping.

Dear grandparents,

As you know we had hoped to have moved this year, since we haven’t been able to do this, we are really struggling for space in our home. Obviously we don’t expect presents at Christmas but I know you like to treat the kids.

Therefore, we have drawn up a list of suggestions for presents that would be helpful and would not add to the amount of toys we need to find homes for/box up and move….

useful things like book bags, startionery, leotards etc
Clothing/coats
Tiny things they might want like dolls house food, warhammer figures, lego etc
Amazon credit for particular tech they need/want
Membership/passes for activities/days out.

If they ignore this, then I think you’re within your rights to say, sorry I can’t take this with me, I did explain the situation and you have seen our house. Alternatively go for Christmas on the bus so it’s too much to carry home.

The sweets and chocolates are recycled in party bags - if you have a party -- or put out for trick and treaters if they come around your way.

The toys - well you are on your own there!! I used to do the NCT second hand sales where you can sell good quality toys, clothes and equipment. They have stopped locally due to covid but I'm sure they will start again. Yes it took time to label everything correctly but was a time efficient way of selling a lot in one go. - The kids were happy because I usually bought something home for them (I also got lot's of xmas presents there too).

I remember vividly living in a tiny 2 bedroom house when we first had DD, my mother’s first grandchild, and sitting looking at the gigantic pile of plastic stuff she got for her first Christmas and wondering where we were going to put it all. A few years later my sister came to stay for Christmas, and by this time we had 5 kids between us. My mother had gone nuts buying ‘quantity over quality’ and the opening of the presents just for the 5 children took all morning and we still weren’t finished. After lunch, we started back up again and the children were tired and grumpy and actually bored of opening presents. It wasn’t until confronted with 5 grumbling children faced with stacks of plastic when they just wanted to be allowed to play with their main gifts that she realised that quantity is not everything.

After that year me and my sister made a pact to not let it get out of hand again, and it has worked brilliantly.

Each child gets a small stocking at the foot of their bed, with small and useful but fun things such as a pack of pretty playing cards, some good quality drawing pens, socks, perhaps a book, a puzzle, a packet of sweets. Then, their main present from their aunt is something either consumable or an experience. They have received the same sort of gift from grandparents too. Over the years, they have got older so the nature of the gift has evolved, but here is a list of some of the things they have got. All tat-free!

Annual subscription to the local farm park.
Annual magazine subscription (a lot of these come with a new subscriber gift which is handy for if they want something to open on Xmas day.)
Days out to Harry Potter studio tour, zipwiring, indoor skydiving, trips to the circus (Giffords or Cirque de Soleil) or into London to see a musical (there is always a sale on these in December for January tickets.) They’ve seen Lion King, Mathilda, Wicked, School of Rock.

We always make up little hand made gift cards for their vouchers - for example the year they went to Harry Potter studios it was in the form of a ticket for the hogwarts express. It’s worked really well for them for years now and they don’t feel they aren’t getting enough ‘stuff.’

And we made it clear that this was what they wanted, and tat would not be tolerated!

GP here. Its very tempting to buy lots for DGC. I give money and a very small gift just at birthday and Christmas as other GP's buy a lot - toys and clothes. Does not make me feel good though I know that my DC are delighted as constantly having to sort out what they have been given.

Op I get it totally. I don't have a particularly small house but the amount of stuff is ridiculous.

I try to give out an idea to grand parents a but they all go and buy extras that I'm like, really.
At one point we had 3 buzz lightyears in this house and the only one played with was a tiny imaginex one the big ones were ignored.

The amount of waste is ridiculous and yes so it continues. I have in the past hid stuff away to donate in a year but DH is a nightmare for opening stuff so it's not easy to donate.

Op can you ask for gifts like money towards a merlin pass? Pass to local farm /activity center?
Stuff like that, theatre tickets, ice skating lessons, ballet, music, drama...

Such a shame when people are not wealthy and they get given stuff which won't really impact the dc life much and can be brought so cheaply from elsewhere.

Full sympathy from me I know how overwhelming and frustrating this is. I think it's quite selfish to give gifts you know the receiver doesn't want and it makes it hard to feel grateful. I love Marie Kondo's perspective that the purpose of a gift is to be given and received, once you've received it and thanked the giver it has completed its purpose. If it then doesn't fit into your life you can send it onto a new home without feeling any guilt. I used to be driven mad by my DH's side of the family turning up with a boot full of 2nd hand toys and massive things like toy kitchens and rocking horses we didn't need and couldn't fit in our tiny rental home. I'm afraid I was probably really rude but I would refuse to receive it, "thank you how kind for thinking of us but no thanks we don't have room/kids don't play with that/it's not age appropriate/safe/I've decided to only buy wooden toys (whatever it takes to get them to accept the no), I've even picked boxes up and put them back into their car before they left when they tried to leave them by stealth, or if they drop things off when I'm out (DH can't say no) I donate it immediately and tell them that's what I'd done for the reasons given above. Way in advance of occasions we also emphasise that we've gone minimalist/mad/hate gifts but the kids would so so love a season ticket to X /gymnastics lessons/trip to a theme park (within reason to what I know they're happy to pay for) and I get the kids onside with this to remind granny how much they're looking forward to their lessons or day trip etc. It's took about 5 years but it mostly works and is a lot easier to manage the occasional random gift now.