Anyone else dreading Christmas because of THIS

[themadcatparade]

Anyone else dread Christmas with kids because they end up with a load of SHITE on January they haven't got room for?

We have two kids (one each) so naturally they have a set of grandparents each and another home to have Christmas at so they get spoiled. So we have the girls and then they go to my grandparents where Santa has been and then my partners parents for more presents and then their other home. Every Christmas, every birthday, Easter, Halloween, bonfire night etc we end up with a massive pile of crap that we can't find a place for or we need to Chuck things. Sweets, chocolate, plastic shite, every fucking year when we say every year not to spoilt them with too much and it's never adhered to.

I wouldn't mind but we live in a tiny two bed rental with no storage (we were due to move this year to a family home but 'covid') so we are stuck with another year homing gifts from two birthdays and Christmas and Halloween shite and we just can't do it. They will come home Christmas Day with a big bag from my mums and a bin bag from my partners parents because they refuse to keep the stuff they have bought the kids in their tidy homes when we struggle to find places for the stuff we have got them for Christmas. Hence the effort of a massive clear out every year and my stomach drops with how much money in material we have to throw in the tip every year because it's been played with once or not bothered with.

It's my DDs birthday and my mum told me she bought her a sowing machine for some reason and as great as it is that she's encouraging such activities I absolutely lost my shit when she said that I can take home her small dining room table to place the sowing machine on when our house is literally cramped! I sent her a picture of the corner of the living room (where the bloody tree normally goes no idea how we are going to manage that too this year) and there's a large armchair, a large cupboard full of their shoes, two large cardboard boxes of sport stuff we don't have room for, a cabinet we can't decide where to put, a gymnastics mat which keeps marking the wall as we have to cram it behind the armchair, a Henry vac which won't fit in a cupboard and two boxes of books and documents we can't find space for. Do you know what she said?

"It will fit under the window still surely..."

NO!!!

I still have a large LOL house which is just over waist high from last birthday which was bought for them and expected to be kept at ours (I begged them not to buy as it was an 'extra' present) which is blocking the couch and the doorway you have to squeeze past it when you come in the front doorway. We have a cupboard full of sweets and chocolate from over the year which they haven't eaten or else they would be having sweets and chocolate every day (SD's mouth is full of fillings at 7 year old and the reason why we only let them have chocolate and sweets as a treat) and they will still come home with buckets of sweets and crap for Halloween, which is pointless because we are taking them trick or treating and they will come back with loads anyway. I'm literally clearing out bin bags and then the house is filling up again.

I know I sound like a right Scrooge but it literally is every single year this happens even though we warn them not to because it's all expected to come home with us and it's never listened to. I know grandparents want to treat their kids but do so at your own avail and don't expect us to accommodate crap they will not use when we physically can't in the first place. We have our own Christmas shite to deal with.

My DD even got sent home from her dads the other year with a bag full of stuff from his house that he didn't have room for in his three bed new build, it was impolitely declined.

Please tell me I'm not the only one but I'm dreading it this year again. I don't know it it feels worse as in now work from home and I don't have time or energy to sort out all the rubbish and find a place for everything before Christmas just to go through it all over again, but it's my working environment and I can't work when it's so messy and full of junk that other people keep bringing in to our lives 😭😭😭😭

Esp if tyere is no saving in place either, again which would make massive difference to life quality.

If I'm ever privaliged to become a gp ill ask dc what they want me to buy and I'll do a few things anyway.. Small amount into saving for gc, gift and perhaps ££ to the above m

Give it to charity

Like @DomPom47, we have had to be very firm with grandparents, aunts and uncles (only one DC in the family who is the focus of all the gifts !). Otherwise, our DC would just receive so many gifts it would be completely overwhelming. And they would have no space to play.

We prefer second-hand gifts and have an absolute ban on soft toys (otherwise they just reproduce !) and large toys. We prefer things that add to toys we already have (and have storage for!)... so duplo, brio train pieces, schleich animals, magnatiles etc. All of which are quite small! PIL and DP are quite good about keeping toys/craft stuff at their houses for DC for visits. DP are getting DC a camera this children and PIL are hopefully buying a bigger scooter (will rehome existing one). I also encourage jelly baff, bath bombs, baking kits, cardboard playhouses etc. So things we can use up.

Still need a clear-out though!

"throw in the tip" ?! Why not take it to charity shops?

@backinthebox

I remember vividly living in a tiny 2 bedroom house when we first had DD, my mother’s first grandchild, and sitting looking at the gigantic pile of plastic stuff she got for her first Christmas and wondering where we were going to put it all. A few years later my sister came to stay for Christmas, and by this time we had 5 kids between us. My mother had gone nuts buying ‘quantity over quality’ and the opening of the presents just for the 5 children took all morning and we still weren’t finished. After lunch, we started back up again and the children were tired and grumpy and actually bored of opening presents. It wasn’t until confronted with 5 grumbling children faced with stacks of plastic when they just wanted to be allowed to play with their main gifts that she realised that quantity is not everything.

After that year me and my sister made a pact to not let it get out of hand again, and it has worked brilliantly.

Each child gets a small stocking at the foot of their bed, with small and useful but fun things such as a pack of pretty playing cards, some good quality drawing pens, socks, perhaps a book, a puzzle, a packet of sweets. Then, their main present from their aunt is something either consumable or an experience. They have received the same sort of gift from grandparents too. Over the years, they have got older so the nature of the gift has evolved, but here is a list of some of the things they have got. All tat-free!

Annual subscription to the local farm park.
Annual magazine subscription (a lot of these come with a new subscriber gift which is handy for if they want something to open on Xmas day.)
Days out to Harry Potter studio tour, zipwiring, indoor skydiving, trips to the circus (Giffords or Cirque de Soleil) or into London to see a musical (there is always a sale on these in December for January tickets.) They’ve seen Lion King, Mathilda, Wicked, School of Rock.

We always make up little hand made gift cards for their vouchers - for example the year they went to Harry Potter studios it was in the form of a ticket for the hogwarts express. It’s worked really well for them for years now and they don’t feel they aren’t getting enough ‘stuff.’

They girls have not told us anything they want specifically this year which is a first (last year they wanted one of those my generation dolls each which ended up being pricey with clothes etc) and one of them was disappointed because her mum got her the same one that very morning and the other one who was begging for one for 6 months was thrilled but she played with it once and then cast it aside because she said it was 'creepy' and could she keep it downstairs please because it scared her at night. £60 of their Christmas allowance for two dolls and clothes which they have lost their clothes bits, they have one shoe each (no idea what's happened there) and one of the dolls hair is matted.

Anyway because they have not specifically asked for anything it's given us free reign of what we get them ourselves. We can work with this. They have not asked for 'tat' this year as a first ever, it's been LOL's the last year or so. The subscription and the theatre ticket idea is gold, I love it. I'll see if I can maybe drop a hint there. My own mum will reject the idea because it 'won't seem like much at the time' I have hinted for practical before and she's refused.

You’re not alone OP. Why do grandparents do this?! My kids get far too much from both sides but particularly MIL and that’s only because I’ve been blunt to the point I think I’m being rude and ungrateful with my own mum. I think they’re trying to buy the kids love. That poem some use- something they want, need, wear, read would be ideal if you can get them on board with it.

@Lockdownbear yes the girls are ones to rip open a present, spend a minute with it, lose bits and move on. They have been quite hard to control before now with so much in front of them.

We have said all year because we are saving hard for a house (and of course because we send money to Santa to help him out) he will not be bringing as much this year so I think they know it's not going to be as plentiful at home. I hope they are decent enough to understand this on the day though.

There are many ways you can move it all on: "toy libraries", Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes, regifting... there are even schemes were you can donate toys to incarcerated parents for them to give to their children on Christmas day, when they won't be with them. Or just take the whole load to a charity shop, if you don't have time to do the above. They'd be thrilled with a big stock of barely used, up-to-date toys

(SD's mouth is full of fillings at 7 year old and the reason why we only let them have chocolate and sweets as a treat)

I think you should be firmer with the grandparents' because of this.
No chocolate or sweets. End of. Just explain that you're concerned about your SD's and your own child's oral health, as well as physical health. SD has already had to have a lot of fillings and the dentist has said (blame the dentist if you like!) that the sweets and chocolate have to stop. (I know you're only giving them those things as treats but use it as a way to stress the point to the grandparents)

Just say that any sweets and chocolate will have to be put in the bin straight away so it's a waste of money to buy them as you will not be giving them to the children.

And try to be a bit firmer by explaining that you just don't have any more room for any more plastic tat toys and as well as that it's not environmentally friendly. Suggest vouchers for days out instead. If the grandparents think that's a bit shit because there is no big unwrapping carry-on, then suggest they make a treasure hunt with clues or something, eventually leading up to the reveal of it being a day out at Alton Towers or whatever.

I love the ideas that have been posted so far but the responsibility for rehoming these gifts still falls to the OP, not the grandparents.
Could you ask them to get the grandkids some clothes perhaps or a nice pair of boots/shoes (try and work out what they have spent on Christmas/Birthday presents before and match that for the price of the boots) or a jacket perhaps. Then say if they wanted to, they could get a small gift of lego or something. Nothing else is to be bought for the grandkids. If it is, the kids can ooh and ahh over it but it WILL be left in Nanna & Grandad's house. No exceptions.
Your partner must be onboard whatever you decide to do but it would stop the clutter coming in to you house in the first place.

Or start getting them to buy prize bonds for their grandkids, and get them bought in the names of the grandkids.

Or say that this year, as everyone wants to be going green, you're looking for gifts from the Oxfam Unwrapped range:
onlineshop.oxfam.org.uk/category/oxfam-unwrapped?page=topcat

Santa will look after the other gifts for the kids but grandparents must stick to your rules.
You have to set up your boundaries now and stick with them...no matter what!!!

A subscription/annual pass for a local attraction and nice waterproofs/wellies would be a great gift.

@Glitterybug

Can you ask them to give money to be put aside to pay for things like days out instead of masses of toys?

why not speak to both grand parents and ask them roughly what they normally spend on the kids? so for example if they said £50 each, then ask them to just spend £20 and to then put the rest into each childs saving account, best of both worlds then, kids get a present, but also a nice little pot ready for when older for uni/car/house and you win with no crap to find a home for

Seems the grandparents really enjoy the gifting part so maybe do allow them to get gifts but with ver clear instructions (nothing larger than XX). Or ask them to buy something specific you feel comfortable with. Or say that the kid is saving up for something specific and they can make a donation to that and only by one small gift in addition. Or buy a gift card for some experience they can do together. Or if the kids are into lets say playstation they can buy games for that – small things that goes with something they already have. Or clothes! Kids always grow out of clothes and shoes anyways so less awkward to chuck old ones. Or maybe some material that will get used.

Dh has 2 grandchildren and this sounds like " grandma". We have discussed with his dad and wife what to buy the children....we have got them a year's membership to Englisb heritage and a small gift ( about £25) for each of them.
Grandma has messaged us to say what she has bought them ( without discussion) and the amount is obscene.
It includes a very expensive piece of technology...for a 4 year old????
Money she can't afford but is getting a loan for.

I had this when my DC were younger, we lived in a tiny house with no storage at all and yet every birthday and christmas both sets of grandparents would give mountains of useless tat to each child that would never get used and end up in the charity shop within 6 months. There was also an alarming amount of toys that were such junk that they didn't survive a whole day of play and had to go in the bin. This was stuff included to 'make up the numbers' - crap like pound shop dolls that fell apart after being opened.

We live in a much bigger house now but we have put our foot down on presents - anything they buy that is not approved by us does not come into the house. Yes we must seem like unreasonable control freaks but we want to ensure that the children get toys that they actually want and that our house doesn't become full of crap (again!).

So for instance we go to inlaws house on Christmas day and there is a random water gun (that we have a hundred of already) then DH will just refuse to put it in the car to take home. I do the same with my parents. Kids havent been bothered so far because they usually aren't interested in the random crap anyway.

Suggest vouchers for days out instead. If the grandparents think that's a bit shit because there is no big unwrapping carry-on, then suggest they make a treasure hunt with clues or something, eventually leading up to the reveal of it being a day out at Alton Towers or whatever.

That's a great idea.

Right I've just done a quick 'scout' of the stuff that I don't have to rummage through and find bits for (unused, forgotten about, complete stuff) this stuff I can get rid of easy (thank you for motivating me, you are right, a lot of the responsibility does fall on us). We have loads of felt tip packets as well.

All but one of these things have come from DP's side of the family, and I'm pretty sure it's all from last Christmas. It's a lot isn't it, I did a massive charity and sort out a few months back too. I might ask locally for those families who are really struggling this Christmas and see if I can gift out as a donation.

It's all the other shite that they have played with once and lost bits for that unaccounted for but I will have to save for a weekend before Christmas sometime to sort through.

It includes a very expensive piece of technology...for a 4 year old????

I'll assume that will be a tablet that is pretty normal for 4 year olds. Honestly stop being so snooty about it.

The world has changed in the last 2 years and isn't changing back my 4 year old came home from school with 4 different log-ins for various apps and Google Classroom.
I can't wait for Santa to deliver his tablet and free mine from his hands.

This year im living with my grandmother, who does this for all her grandkids and great grandkids.

I've said to her this year Santa will be bringing the 4 item box: something to wear, something to play, something to eat, something to read and that is it!

She said she can't do that for my son and then still fill a sack for the other great grandkids, it'll make it look like Santa doesn't love my son.

But the problem is, my cousin's kids DO leave their shit here. All year every year. I've got my cousin's kids shite IN MY BEDROOM.

I've got so much of their shite here that I'm having to pay £300 a pissing month for a storage unit just to put my stuff in, and there are toys in there from last Christmas that my son hasn't even had chance to play with and will probably have grown out of before I get a place I can call my own.

It's fucking shit. It's a culture of gluttony. Christmas is exhausting. Too busy spending all day opening pissing presents than actually enjoying the company or food.

And the thought of it all ending up in landfill just makes me feel sick to my stomach. Even if it got donated it would eventually fill up a landfill site.

And the thought of it all ending up in landfill just makes me feel sick to my stomach. Even if it got donated it would eventually fill up a landfill site

Yip the toy industry uses the cheap oils to make plastic. Tons of it. And all of it sooner or later will end up in landfill. We need recyclable plastic on toys.

@Nancydrawn I love this!!

@themadcatparade

It's that 'Awh but they need things to open here too' attitude, there's no way they won't buy presents to open

That awh sentence from them is everything that’s wring with Christmas now. Mindless consumerism. 🤮

Yanbu, OP.

Be firmer op.

Say now well ahead of time,
' this year will be different for Christmas, here is a list of possible gifts for Dcs (put some practical things on there too ) please only buy max 2 gifts from this list as we do not have space and will be forced to immediately donate anything else.'

Then do it,
Also make it a thing with your dcs, by saying ahead of time we will given one or two of our new christmas toys to children who don't have any, pave the way for giving away to a shelter or charity straight away over the Xmas period, (don't let anything unwanted into the house.)..., be firm and don't give in, to either GPs or DCs.

I would only allow the sweets for Xmas eve, Xmas Day and Boxing day , then donate all excess to the nearest food bank, better for Dcs teeth and some other children get some treats who may not have.

Be prepared to be tough.

It's insane that people are lumping you with stuff when they know you have no space. It's especially lousy that they are giving your kids sweets when you have asked them not to.
When buying things for kids we ALWAYS ask their parents for a list. We sometimes buy things not on the list, but unless they are little makeweights, we ask the kids' parents first to be sure what we're planning is a good idea and not wrong for their age/capacities. (We also don;t buy anything that makes a noise .)

Why on earth would people not consult parents when buying presents for kids?

@TurnUpTurnip

I think they are lucky to have so many people buying for them, my kids get fuck all from anyone only me so I feel I have to over compensate. Maybe donate it if you don’t want the presents?

This I sympathise to some extent, but you do sound very ungrateful. FGS don’t ‘tip’ unwanted gifts, donate them.