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Original poster

Can you recommend me a beautiful book for a "rainbow" baby?

96 replies

notHarris · 16/10/2021 21:41

Hi! I'd love to get a really lovely book for my friend's newborn baby. I got given one book when ds was born and I loved it so much and read it all the time to him.
My friend had a full term still birth last year so I'd love a book that reflects this in some way. Does anybody have any good ideas?
Thanks very much!!

OP posts:
Pencilandpaper · 16/10/2021 22:19

Guess How Much I Love You is a classic and beautiful words

PurpleFlower1983 · 16/10/2021 22:46

I’m not sure about the rainbow baby element but On The Night You Were Born is a gorgeous book for a newborn.

RedCarsGoFaster · 16/10/2021 22:49

Why not just some something lovely for the child? They shouldn't have to live in the shadow of another child.

Lots of beautiful books out there.

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ThatsWhatI · 16/10/2021 22:51

Not entirely sure she would want to be reminded of that emotional experience Confused

'Guess how much I love you' should be more than suitable and I don't advise ever telling the new DC it's a rainbow baby because from experience it makes them feel like a substitute or second best.

Clocktopus · 16/10/2021 22:51

There is a beautiful book called "You Are The Light" that is pretty to give as a gift. It's a really simple story (one line per page) and has rainbow colours in it but without specifically referencing loss, a rainbow baby, or a lost baby. The best bit is that all the colour panes are cut out so you can hold them up to the window or the light and the colours shine through which is a lovely sensory experience for a small baby/young child too.

Clocktopus · 16/10/2021 22:52

This is the book.

www.amazon.co.uk/You-Are-Light-Aaron-Becker/dp/1536201154/ref=asc_df_1536201154/?hvlocphy=1006956&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=311233467079&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-575210356480&hvrand=13855880865915773392

Unless you know for certain that your friend would like to commemorate her first baby on the birth of her second then I'd steer well away from anything that specifically references rainbow babies.

whywhywhyyydilemma · 16/10/2021 22:53

darlingcloverco.com/shop

The book on this website, 'the little dream' by Celeste Rankin.

Beautiful book for a rainbow baby.

Cocomarine · 16/10/2021 22:53

The gift should be for this baby. Find a different gift for the parents to honour his older sibling.

DappledThings · 16/10/2021 22:54

@Pencilandpaper

Guess How Much I Love You is a classic and beautiful words
It's an awful book. Why is the dad so competitive? I was bought a copy and chucked it after I'd tried to read it a few times and it made me too cross.
YourFinestPantaloons · 16/10/2021 22:55

@RedCarsGoFaster

Why not just some something lovely for the child? They shouldn't have to live in the shadow of another child.

Lots of beautiful books out there.

This.

Infant loss is heartbreaking but it's so wrong to label another child based on someone else's experience with loss.

Just get a nice book, Guess How Much I Love You is a favourite here

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 16/10/2021 22:57

No child should have to grow up carrying a psychological burden that they are just the replacement for a dead sibling

DarkDarkNight · 16/10/2021 22:58

I’m another who would buy a lovely book to celebrate this baby, I feel it is up to the parents to see this baby as a rainbow baby or not.

This is a beautiful little book, one that I can’t quite part from. I had a couple of hers but this one has been read and read.

Can you recommend me a beautiful book for a "rainbow" baby?
Pencilandpaper · 16/10/2021 22:58

No need to overthink it

Pencilandpaper · 16/10/2021 23:00

@Pencilandpaper

No need to overthink it
Sorry this is in response to @DappledThings ! Don’t know why it didn’t quote me.
yefferson · 16/10/2021 23:06

Unless it was from the same friend originally, why not just get her a copy of the same book you liked for your son? Otherwise, maybe a high contrast soft book for the baby to play with.

Clocktopus · 16/10/2021 23:12

"Always" that @DarkDarkNight posted is a lovely book, it was a favourite when my DC were babies.

I agree about the rainbow baby thing. Two of my DC are so-called rainbow babies, they don't know it and they never will even when they're old enough to know about the losses they won't know whereabouts they happened in the order of children born.

RainbowMum11 · 16/10/2021 23:39

Interesting thoughts on here.
My first daughter died, my second born daughter is in no way a replacement but it has always been important that her big sister is part of our family.
My DD has an imaginary big sister, and is very proud of her and talks about her with her friends. There is no way she is 'in the shadow' of her older sister.

We like the book 'someone came before you' and the book 'No Matter What' by Debi Gliori is also beautiful.

Doesn't take anything away from the living child at all, and it does make me feel quite sad that others think that remembering another child might be detrimental to a younger sibling :(

AliceinBorderland · 16/10/2021 23:42

Oh dear. Please don't give a newborn baby a gift to honour their dead sibling.

YourFinestPantaloons · 16/10/2021 23:44

@RainbowMum11 obviously this is just one example but my friend had an older sister who died as a baby, before my friend came along. It won't be obvious when they're still tiny but it very much made her feel like she was in the shadows. I'm not saying anyone should keep it a secret or anything, but it can be very intense and confusing for children, and without the connection they feel for that person to compensate, my friend did feel bitter about it and still does aged 40. I don't want to upset you but I just want you to be mindful of how children present themselves isn't always representative of the way they feel.

saraclara · 16/10/2021 23:45

@RedCarsGoFaster

Why not just some something lovely for the child? They shouldn't have to live in the shadow of another child.

Lots of beautiful books out there.

Exactly. I hate the term Rainbow Baby with a passion. No child should have to constantly be tied to a sibling that never lived.

I can't help feeling that there's a generation of children who are going to have to live with survivor guilt all their lives because of this damn term.

From the moment they come into the world, a child should be allowed to be their own person, and not be seen as somehow connected to sadness and grief.

olidora63 · 16/10/2021 23:49

I would just find a lovely book that you personally love ❤️ Winnie the Pooh books have so many happy tales .X

RainbowMum11 · 16/10/2021 23:50

yourfinestpantaloons
Fair enough in that example - I have always been very open about her older sister, and sadly we have other friends who have also had similar losses and my DD chats with their kids about their respective dead siblings, and it helps them all - likewise when a classmate had a young family member who was very seriously ill, they chatted with my DD and it helped them (DD is 8 by the way).
Death is a part of life, and my first DD is part of my family - just like we talk about other family members that have died but were a huge part of our lives, it doesn't take anything away from my DD at all, and she is proud to have had a big sister.

unnumber · 16/10/2021 23:55

Hate this term too. If you're lucky enough to have a baby, it's complete in itself. I'm sure it doesn't heal you for the loss of any others entirely. But that's not its job.

You are kind to think of this but welcome this baby to the world as nobody's replacement, and let his mum know you are around for emotional support if you can.

Clocktopus · 17/10/2021 00:00

Doesn't take anything away from the living child at all, and it does make me feel quite sad that others think that remembering another child might be detrimental to a younger sibling

Different thing work for different families and of course there are ways to remember and include a lost baby/sibling without it being detrimental to the younger siblings. I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

From our point of view, DH is/was a rainbow baby and he grew up feeling like the consolation prize. Every Sunday afternoon was spent visiting his siblings grave come rain or shine and he disliked it, especially as he got a bit bigger and couldn't go to things like birthday parties or clubs because that was his siblings time. I don't mean this bit to sound hurtful but his own words on it are that he never met his sibling and has no emotional connection to them so while he understands the sadness of his parents loss, he doesn't particularly feel it himself as it wasn't his loss.

RainbowMum11 · 17/10/2021 00:12

That is quite an extreme example though, almost punishing your DH for his parents way of choosing to remember their other child.. That is very different to acknowledging another child in everyday, normal life.
Clearly a very emotive subject, but 30/40/50 years ago the babies were just removed, the parents had no chance to meet them & say goodbye, and buried grief can cause all sorts of issues mentally, and further down the line. Hence my attitude to openness and honesty - we sometimes walk through the cemetery on our way to the park, but only at my DDs suggestion, otherwise we might pop by if we have seen a nice decoration, or on her birthday or whatever, but it's not prescribed.
Anyway, to be honest I don't refer to her as my Rainbow 🌈 apart from the fact that she is so bright & colourful in herself - she is not defined at all.
And everyone is different, and has different ways of dealing with things, there just seemed to be a lot of bitterness on here. Sometimes subsequent babies get presents saying 'little brother/sister' etc

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