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Original poster

Can you recommend me a beautiful book for a "rainbow" baby?

96 replies

notHarris · 16/10/2021 21:41

Hi! I'd love to get a really lovely book for my friend's newborn baby. I got given one book when ds was born and I loved it so much and read it all the time to him.
My friend had a full term still birth last year so I'd love a book that reflects this in some way. Does anybody have any good ideas?
Thanks very much!!

OP posts:
saraclara · 17/10/2021 00:34

Sometimes subsequent babies get presents saying 'little brother/sister' etc

I don't understand this. I really don't. A new child should not grow up from day 1, around his/her parent's loss. They never knew the sibling, but the seed is sown immediately that somehow they should see their life in relation to someone who died. That really isn't healthy, and it's unfair to the living child.

Parents do this for themselves, not for their living offspring.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 17/10/2021 00:46

I also dislike 'rainbow baby' and I would never have referred to my dc as such after their brother and sister died.

My dc know about their brother and sister though, we have angel cake on their birthdays and choose a star on their anniversaries, and we have photos up in the house.

Their siblings are still a part of our family and its not unhealthy or unfair to my dc to acknowledge that.

They certainly aren't defined by my loss, but its still a part of who they are.

Op I would just choose a beautiful book that you love, I wouldn't choose one in relation to 'rainbow' babies or anything. The baby's parents will tell their child about their sibling when the time is right.

RainbowMum11 · 17/10/2021 00:58

saraclara the little brother/sister is if they have living brothers/sisters - I didn't mean this for children who don't have living older siblings.
ABCEasyasdo* I think that's pretty much what I have been trying to say - obviously completely inadequately, so thank you, and I'm sorry for your losses x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Children's books Families
saraclara · 17/10/2021 01:04

@RainbowMum11

saraclara the little brother/sister is if they have living brothers/sisters - I didn't mean this for children who don't have living older siblings. ABCEasyasdo* I think that's pretty much what I have been trying to say - obviously completely inadequately, so thank you, and I'm sorry for your losses x
Sorry, I misunderstood your post.
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 17/10/2021 01:05

@RainbowMum11 I'm so sorry you're here too Flowers it's certainly not easy.

Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:08

Hi thanks everybody for the beautiful book recommendations. I'm not really going to get involved in the discussion about the whole "rainbow baby" thing except to say that she feels similar to @RainbowMum11
And I haven't been through this so it's not for me to judge,
I'm working my way through the books suggested, thank you Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:14

@DarkDarkNight

I’m another who would buy a lovely book to celebrate this baby, I feel it is up to the parents to see this baby as a rainbow baby or not.

This is a beautiful little book, one that I can’t quite part from. I had a couple of hers but this one has been read and read.

Love this book Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:14

@Clocktopus

There is a beautiful book called "You Are The Light" that is pretty to give as a gift. It's a really simple story (one line per page) and has rainbow colours in it but without specifically referencing loss, a rainbow baby, or a lost baby. The best bit is that all the colour panes are cut out so you can hold them up to the window or the light and the colours shine through which is a lovely sensory experience for a small baby/young child too.
This is beautiful, I can see it going down well, thanks!
OP posts:
Newuser82 · 17/10/2021 07:15

There is a lovely book called before you sleep x

Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:16

@yefferson

Unless it was from the same friend originally, why not just get her a copy of the same book you liked for your son? Otherwise, maybe a high contrast soft book for the baby to play with.
Good point, I loved that book..... I'm trying to track down a copy now, it's not one I'd heard of before.
OP posts:
TedGlenn · 17/10/2021 07:17

'Ten little fingers and ten little toes' is a favourite here. No reference to rainbow babies but a lovely book

Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:21

@Newuser82

There is a lovely book called before you sleep x
Thank you, it's beautiful. So many lovely books 😍
OP posts:
Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:24

@Pencilandpaper

Guess How Much I Love You is a classic and beautiful words
She has an older brother and this is such a classic that I'm guessing they already have it. It is a lovely book though.
OP posts:
Mybalconyiscracking · 17/10/2021 07:24

Is “No Matter What” by Debbi Gliori still in print?
Last line is “ Love like starlight, never dies”

TulipsTwoLips · 17/10/2021 07:24

It seems to be the term rainbow baby that is bothering a lot of posters here.

No one is saying don’t acknowledge the the first child, just that it might not always be fair to give the second a label that is defined by the first in that way?

Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:27

@PurpleFlower1983

I’m not sure about the rainbow baby element but On The Night You Were Born is a gorgeous book for a newborn.
This made me cry for some reason, thank you!
OP posts:
Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:28

@Mybalconyiscracking

Is “No Matter What” by Debbi Gliori still in print? Last line is “ Love like starlight, never dies”
I love this book too Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
notHarris · 17/10/2021 07:30

@TulipsTwoLips

It seems to be the term rainbow baby that is bothering a lot of posters here.

No one is saying don’t acknowledge the the first child, just that it might not always be fair to give the second a label that is defined by the first in that way?

Thanks, as I said a little bit earlier, I'm not really getting involved in the rainbow baby discussion side of things. I can't really as it would involve judging her views which I won't do. I'm just looking for a lovely book and have had some great suggestions so thanks everybody for those.
OP posts:
HeyFloof · 17/10/2021 09:05

On the night you were born or you're here for a reason, wherever you go my love will find you, any of the Nancy Tillman books.

I would (and have) sent a present for the newborn and then a light catcher/hanging glass ornament labelled for the baby they lost. An acknowledgement but something separate.

The poster who said she won't want to be reminded of her dead baby, she will remember her child every day, she will be making comparisons and be incredibly happy, mixed in with overwhelming grief.

HeyFloof · 17/10/2021 09:13

@saraclara

Sometimes subsequent babies get presents saying 'little brother/sister' etc

I don't understand this. I really don't. A new child should not grow up from day 1, around his/her parent's loss. They never knew the sibling, but the seed is sown immediately that somehow they should see their life in relation to someone who died. That really isn't healthy, and it's unfair to the living child.

Parents do this for themselves, not for their living offspring.

My DS (4) calls himself (and we call him) a big brother, even though his sibling isn't here. He never met his brother, but we'd done a lot of preparation for becoming a big brother, and then his baby brother died. Do we backtrack and say that he's not a brother anymore?

His little brother will always be part of the family. If we ever had another child then that baby will be aware that they had a middle sibling because we have photos and handprints around the house. We talk about him.

They would never be a replacement, you can't replace a person and the gap they leave, even if they only stayed for a short time.

Kittykat93 · 17/10/2021 09:17

I don't like the term rainbow baby no. It's a newborn baby, give them a gift like you would any other baby.

Rainbowheart1 · 17/10/2021 09:20

Rainbow baby is the worst term invented. Why would anyone want to be a rainbow baby.

If your others didn’t make it, that’s sad, but your first born is your first born and not a rainbow baby.

I don’t think people realise how common miscarriages actually are.

pollypokcet · 17/10/2021 09:22

My DS (4) calls himself (and we call him) a big brother, even though his sibling isn't here. He never met his brother, but we'd done a lot of preparation for becoming a big brother, and then his baby brother died. Do we backtrack and say that he's not a brother anymore?

For me it's a bit different if your son grew up seeing you pregnant and expecting a sibling because there's that personal connection there- compared to a loss before they were born. - which would mean they wouldn't even exist at all.

Hard to explain. Nothing wrong with parents honouring their child, but from a kids perspective it's probably a bit abstract to have your mum and dad talking about a baby who was there before you, that you never met

EishetChayil · 17/10/2021 09:24

I wouldn't give her anything that references being a rainbow.

I feel sorry for children who have to grow up with the burden of a deceased older sibling. It happened to my cousin and she has had problems all through her life as a result.

There's an Instagram mum who had a loss before her two daughters, and treats the eldest as if she were there with the younger ones. I know grief can be insurmountable, but can't imagine making my living children pretend that their older sibling is still alive. She even makes her living girls' swim teacher write the deceased sister's name on the board during lessons.

HeyFloof · 17/10/2021 09:24

@Rainbowheart1

Rainbow baby is the worst term invented. Why would anyone want to be a rainbow baby.

If your others didn’t make it, that’s sad, but your first born is your first born and not a rainbow baby.

I don’t think people realise how common miscarriages actually are.

But they're not the first born, this is talking about a stillborn baby, they were the first born. The living baby is the second born child.