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Having friends round for takeaway - who pays?

130 replies

Thepurpleturtle · 13/10/2021 10:49

Having a takeaway with friends at your house.

Who pays?

The host or split the bill?

OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/10/2021 12:39

I'd pay but generally we take it in turns whoevers house we are at

IcetSUV · 13/10/2021 12:51

Depends who suggested it. If I did then I'd pay, if they were coming to me and asked for a takeaway, I'd expect the cost to be split.

Bookworm20 · 13/10/2021 12:52

I'd assume to split the bill.
If a friend said, 'fancy coming over to mine tomorrow, we can order a takeaway'. I'd take that as we were splitting it not that she was providing it.

If they said 'Do you want to come over tomorrow night? I'll order us a takeaway' that would lean more towards they were suggesting on them paying for it. But I'd still be prepared to offer and pay my share.

Getting a takeaway at someones house is way different to them cooking you a meal in my opinion and i'd never completely assume they were going to pay for it unless they specifically told me it was their treat.

JustLyra · 13/10/2021 12:56

I think it entirely depends on how it came about.

A dinner invite - host pays.

Suggestion of a takeaway and it just happens to be there - split cost

JustLyra · 13/10/2021 12:59

I also think it depends on how you normally meet. I have two really close friends who live 2.5 hours apart, I live in the middle so a lot of our meet ups are at my house. A lot of people on here would be horrified at what I let them pay for, but that’s because it’s always at my house so I’d be skint paying for the hosting every time.

bubblepond · 13/10/2021 13:00

Split bill

riotlady · 13/10/2021 13:00

We would split. But generally my group of friends gathers at the same person’s house (most convenient) so we often bring food rather than her “hosting” all the time

AlexSC1988 · 13/10/2021 13:05

I think it depends on how your friends are, and whether you split the bill when you go to their house.

If they don't mention it then I would pay for it, but if they offer then maybe accept? Depends if they've provided the drinks like others have said.

Practicebeingpatient · 13/10/2021 13:06

It depends. If I asked people over for a meal and then decided not to cook I would pay just as I would pay for ingredients and fuel if I had cooked a meal. If it was a more informal group gathering we might all agree in advance to share the cost of a takeaway at whoever's house was the agreed venue. But as a general rule if I've invited people I pay the hosting costs.

TumtumTree · 13/10/2021 13:08

Split the bill.

Werehamster · 13/10/2021 13:08

@Orangejuicemarathoner

If I was the host I would offer to pay, if I could afford it, or else make it clear before we order that I can't afford it.

If I was the guest I would offer to split the bill

Me too!
goodwinter · 13/10/2021 13:09

We always split. Not sure if it makes a difference but a) people are usually round for e.g. a games night, not specifically invited so we could get a takeaway, and b) we're all late 20s and not rolling in cash!

Brendabigbaps · 13/10/2021 13:10

If it was my choice to get a takeaway when I’d invited people round then I’d pay.
However if its a gathering and our house is the chosen place then we all split it

AlexaShutUp · 13/10/2021 13:10

If you invited, you pay, unless you agreed to split the bill when it was initially agreed.

TidyDancer · 13/10/2021 13:10

I would assume the bill was to be split unless the host had offered to pay.

TractorAndHeadphones · 13/10/2021 13:13

You pay only if you’re hosting - I.e organised the event and invited people.
Our house is conveniently located so DP’s friends come to drink, go out and then stay over. Everyone pays for their own stuff.

allofthecheese · 13/10/2021 13:18

Host pays. But as a guest I would offer.

WombatChocolate · 13/10/2021 13:19

As most things, context is everything.
There is rarely 1 answer that is right for every possible scenario.

So, partly depends on the norm for that group. If there’s a history of rotating round houses to eat takeaway and no-one ever cooks, and all always split the bill….fine. Do that.

If there’s a history of people hosting a dinner party and cooking for friends and one chooses instead to get takeaway…probably they pay. They have chosen takeaway instead if the effort if cooking and paying for ingredients. Fine. Do that.

If usually people go out to eat and split the bill and one time, people decide to get takeaway for some kind of practical reason and one person offers to host it, then split the bill. If usually one person pays for all the meals in a restaurant and it’s your turn, then fund the takeaway.

Go with the norm. Usually this means taking turns to pay for everyone or always splitting. This works well for groups who often eat together.

The tricky thing is when it’s a one-off or a first eating together. Then there is no precedent ir norm and you do t know if it will become regular or not. Some people can afford to pay for the group and are happy to do so, and will, even if it is just a one-off and they will never get a return takeaway. Others prefer in that situation to split it so no-one feels they owe anyone else. Finances of the group play a role here. If everyone is young with limited finances, simply paying your own way makes sense. In an affluent older group, one person covering all might not be an issue as the money is a drop in the ocean. Being aware of others and their financial situation is good…because the affluent can make less affluent feel awkward by either hosting and paying ….less affluent feel duty bound to return the favour….or that they can never host, if the norm is host must pay.

Communication upfront helps a lot….as with most things. Uncertainty is what makes people anxious rather than costs themselves. If you know what you’ve been asked to and any financial implications, if you dont like them you can simply politely turn down the invitation. Not knowing causes worry, or finding out that all the guests at your house expect you to fund a takeaway when you’d imagined splitting the bill, can cause all kinds of resentment. Most is solved through communication upfront.

So if inviting or organising a takeaway, make clear if you expect to bill split or to pay. If someone new is joining a group, make clear how funding works in the group. It doesn’t have to be awkward at all.

JustLyra · 13/10/2021 13:19

@DuvetDayIsEveryDay

A group of us get together every 6 weeks for a take away. We alternate the home we got to. Everyone pays for what they order.

I hate this you host you pay stuff. My brother doesn't Christmas Dinner every year because he has the biggest house. Would never expect him to pay for it all!

People can be very funny on here about Christmas dinner.

I got called classless and vulgar on here once because people who come for Christmas dinner chip in. We end up with 20-25 people every year, with many of them having Christmas Eve and/or Boxing Day dinner here as well.

We just happen to be the most central and have the most space.

Greyhare · 13/10/2021 13:21

I would say if you invite them then you pay, as guest I would offer to split the bill, so as a host you have to be expected to pay for all of it but that depends on the politeness/manners of the guests, and then you also choose whether or not to accept payment.

Bluntness100 · 13/10/2021 13:23

For a meal I cook I pay but for a takeaway we always split it.

girlmom21 · 13/10/2021 13:26

It depends on the friends.

We have some friends who we alternate with regardless of whose house we're at.

We have other friends who we'll always split with regardless.

Then we have some friends who we always do the "I'll get this" "no i'll get this" facade with so then we have to order dessert so everyone gets a turn to pay Grin

furbabymama87 · 13/10/2021 13:30

Split the cost.

Stickyblue1987 · 13/10/2021 13:35

Depends. If you have regular 'dinner parties' where the host cooks a meal and on this occasion host wanted to get a takeaway (say they were busy and didn't have time to cook) then host should pay. If the host has always provided a 'free meal' then this should be the expectation. I think everyone should always bring a bottle of something anyway.

SpinsForGin · 13/10/2021 13:38

We'd split the bill or at least offer to.