Rage against the washing machine

[ManyManyBiscuits]

I've just been to a gig. Three bands were on, two of them were a bit shit; all of them were exclusively middle aged men. Frequently singing about girls as if they were still 23.

It made me think; there should be more middle-aged lady bands, singing about middle-aged lady things.

What would the songs on our set list be?

Hot flash
I think you'll find I DGAF
Skinny jeans and a nice top
I feel alive (wild swimming)
What did I come in here for again?

Don't forget that old classic, "Fuck This Bra"!

Fuck the printer
Chin hair blues
3am anxiety club
When cutting my toe nails was too much pampering
Smells like the cat’s pissed somewhere

@HistoriaTrixie

Don't forget that old classic, "Fuck This Bra"!

Tune!

Is it drinking alone if the cat's in the room?

Trolled by the plumber
I hate men
Lost a friend to a MLM
Lighter personal trauma
If you talk shit expect to get shot down
Kids and drunks on a four hour ferry
If I met you now I wouldn’t even like you

(Don't) leave a light on for me, bloody turn it off
The heat is on (so shut the bloody window)
Memories (of having a waistline)
It only takes a minute girl (to put the milk back in the fridge, try it)

You’re once, twice, three times a cockwomble

I think we might need to headline with John Shuttleworth as the support act:

perfect!

(It's like) Blackpool Illuminations In Here
Listen to Your Wife (when she's talking to you) a la Roxette - which I have actually sung to DH whenever I'm right about something
Why Don't You Use Your Bloody Eyes
Oh For Fuck Sake!
(This House is a) Shit Tip!
Oh My God I Look So Tired

There's Always a Space (Under My Patio) If You Need It, Sister

Leaking Water Blues (And I Don't Know Where It's Coming From)

OMG! I've Got Unexpected Visitors

He's Blocked Me on Facebook, I've Blocked His Email, His Mother's Not Talking to Me

You're on Mute and I Love It

Don't Mess With the Printer Now It's Working

Stop pissing on the toilet seat.

No you can't have a snack, it's bed time

Brush your teeth

What do you mean you've lost it?

Don't pick the cat up by the throat (he doesn't like it)

The laundry won't carry itself downstairs

Alexa, make announcement

Never do a shit job well

Trampolining's right out

World book day costume blues

Grey hair, don't care

3 day hangover

I had the whole world in my hand (but then forgot where I put it down)

"Who let the cat out" (and in - and out- and in - and out)

When Will I see you Again? (Ode to my waist)

Just a nice sit down (blatant rip off of James)

Zero tolerance of fuckwits. (I’m getting a Prodigy vibe with this one)

My uterus is not a homing device, my fallopian tubes are not divining rods (where did you see it last)

Shadduppa that door

I'm can't hear you (I'm not in the same room as you)

Because I told you so

I do have a name

Dirty old towel (the "what are they doing that makes them smell so bad" edit).

Istanbul or Constantinople(, or any other fucking destination I don't have to choose)

Wednesday(, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday) morning 3am

Bridge over troubled familial relationships

Shuffling Queen (in memory of my pelvic floor)

Hope springs eternal (but then you shoot it down)

What the hell’s that noise?

Family Motto Song: Ce n’est pas ma faute (ft. Plastic Bertrand)

Mr. Nobody did it, then

(If it's at the bottom of the stairs) Take It Up! (feat. L-Drizzle)

There Is A Light and it Never Goes Out (car needs it's MOT) Garage remix

Two Glasses of Sherry and a Packet of Hobnobs, please

Nobody Does it Better (except me)

8 hours at home alone (my kind of heaven)
Should I leave or should I go?
Lonely in Paradise
Birthday & I have nothing
Xmas & I have nothing again (remix)
Friends when you want something (my DC)
When your gone, I'll re-live again

Someone's Knocking on the Door! Someone's Ringing the Bell! Switch the lights off! Run and hide!

Keys! Where are my keys!

Don't tell me. Let me guess

Can you tell me where all the plumbers have gone?

The fridge is not a spotlight

“I can’t see to cut my toenails without my glasses”

“Oh my fucking god, just put the new loo roll on the holder”

“Sports bag left in the middle of the hall floor - the stand off”

“The eating my dinner of a plastic plate, because the crockery is all in the teens bedrooms blues”

“I used to be able to pull an all nighter, but now I’m in bed by 10 and hang overs last 3 days”

“Can’t walk in heels anymore”