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Original poster

When to start charging children rent

101 replies

Qwertykeys · 10/10/2021 08:57

Hi all , newbie here. At what age do you start charging adult children rent ? Daughter is almost 19,works full time , and not charged rent ,.Her boyfriend lives with us and I change him £10 a week , they do buy all of there own food . Should I start charging her ?

OP posts:
Neonplant · 10/10/2021 08:58

Do you need the money?

Purplewithred · 10/10/2021 08:59

Personally I feel this is one of the biggest moral conundrums of parenting. Brace yourself for a baffling array of views and responses.

Can you afford to fund them, can you stand having them in the house, and what are their long term plans/prospects?

CottageOnTheHill · 10/10/2021 09:00

We didn’t charge anything as they were saving for a house deposit. The way I saw it was that my children weren’t costing me anymore than they previously had to live at home. I can understand parents needing to charge rent if they’re losing benefits and in your case the boyfriend living with you.

Chasingsquirrels · 10/10/2021 09:00

The "working full time" point seems reasonable to me, maybe unless that is a fixed period pre further education (my friends son did a year in industry scheme last year after A levels before taking up his planned place at uni this year - I wouldn't have asked for a contribution in that situation).

Fifthtimelucky · 10/10/2021 09:02

I think in principle it is right that they start paying when they start earning (excluding part-time jobs while at school/college).

How much they should pay is another matter and very much depends on the individual circumstances.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 10/10/2021 09:04

When they go out to work. I was paying board at 16 in 1993.

A tenner a week for the bf? Get more realistic. £25 minimum.

They are not children they are adults. Time to be adults now.

Bexxe · 10/10/2021 09:06

The rule in my house was once we turned 18 and had a full time job, we either paid 10% of our full time wages or £100 (whichever was cheaper)
And I’m glad my dad did that, it gave me understanding of prioritising money and no matter what, I needed to pay my dad that first so I didn’t disappoint him. (He didn’t need the money, we were fairly well off)

Darker · 10/10/2021 09:08

I asked one son for 15% of his take home pay when he was living with me and working full time after graduation. This was to make a contribution to household bills and expenses, not rent.

One of my other sons worked part time on minimum wage for health reasons and I didn’t ask for anything financial.

I think if your daughter and her boyfriend are living with you and working they should certainly contribute to the costs - e.g. a share of council tax and utilities and the usual bits and bobs from the supermarket.

Bogeyes · 10/10/2021 09:09

Can I come and live with you...I've got my ten quid ready...

rrhuth · 10/10/2021 09:10

My view is a low rent - not market rate - once earning, nothing whilst a student.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/10/2021 09:11

I’d not charge my children, if their partner was living with us I would charge them though as not my job to support someone else’s children.

poeps · 10/10/2021 09:20

from my side.... life is hard extremely hard all of us here knows that...nothing in life is free for no one, it might be hard but i would say YES charge her rent, by doing that you will teach her so many things like responsibility, financial planning, to think about tomorrow, how to work/handel money... if you need the money use it don't feel bad....she might see it as being cruel in the beginning but give her time she is going to listen to other people's situations and life stories.... if the money you charge her for rent doesn't really affect your financial position still charge her and take her rent money and put it in a secret savings account for her for later in life...

mamaweebeastie · 10/10/2021 09:33

Don't see it as charging them rent. It's a life lesson kids need to learn. Earning a wage equal responsibility. It's detrimental to not let kids understand about living costs, bills etc & that not all
their wages can be spent in what they want.

My mum took £10digs from me off £50 wages. I was furious to begin with but In the long run it did help. The more education about living cost & home running the better for kids as it makes leaving home easier.
You could also take her rent money & save it for when she finds a place of her own to help set her up.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 10/10/2021 09:35

I have decided no rent - but a proportion of bills.

Instead of rent, I expect to see more than 50% of their earnings saved each month towards a house deposit

NailsNeedDoing · 10/10/2021 09:36

I’d take rent from an adult child who was working full time, just for the sake of teaching them they they have to pay their way in life.

The ideal would be to save it for her so she has a deposit when she needs it, but if you can’t afford to do that then don’t.

User135792468 · 10/10/2021 09:39

It depends if you need the money. I certainly wouldn’t be subsiding the boyfriend though, charge him an equal share, he is not your child.

After uni, I started working full time and lived with my mum. She didn’t charge rent or ask for money for food (I bought my own alcohol, treats, takeaways etc) on the agreement that I would save £500 a month towards my first property. That was a third of my income. I still had around 1k to fritter on enjoying life and I did so guilt free as I knew I was putting money away.

As my parents were divorced, my dad said that my mums contribution was covering my living costs and he would match whatever I saved. It meant that after 3 years at home, I had 20k which I had saved myself and my dad matched which I then used as a deposit for my first flat. I will do the same for my children.

hellywelly3 · 10/10/2021 09:45

I think I won’t charge if they show me they’re saving for a house deposit. Also that there is a plan in place like 3 years of saving 50% of their wages. I’m not sure about partners living there too especially £10 a week. I think that needs looking at

Original poster
Qwertykeys · 10/10/2021 09:51

Hi thanks for the replies. For context , we are lucky and don't need to charge her . I changed the boyfriend just to cover the extra electric ( washing, phone charging,Xbox ect ) . They are saving for a house deposit . I was thinking of changing just as a life lesson , put the money to one side and give if her back when they get a house . Not sure if I'm being too soft on her (and him ) and it's time to learn there is no free ride .

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/10/2021 10:00

You can teach budgetting and life skills etc without taking money off her.

Elieza · 10/10/2021 10:01

I think the idea of charging them and giving them it back is excellent.

Otherwise they get used to a level of income and blowing it all on shite. Then when they want a mortgage they have no savings and lots of hire purchase/direct debit commitments which they are tied to and which will affect their ability to pay a mortgage.

Back in the day we got our first week no digs and blew the money. Digs started the following week. And on a YTS in 1986 I was paying £10 of my £30 wage on digs. So I think you’re needing to speak to them both and charge them the same amount and explain to them why. It’s to help them save for a mortgage and give them a reality check. If you don’t need the money I’d still just charge him a tenner and not give him it back though when they go for a mortgage and you give them both back the rest of the digs money they’ve paid you.

Depends how much they earn how much you charge.

SprayedWithDettol · 10/10/2021 10:05

Saving money they give you to return to them isn’t going to teach anything. They will gain more experience budgeting if they save themselves and have the strength of character to not touch their savings until they need their deposit.

Original poster
Qwertykeys · 10/10/2021 10:17

Thanks all , she is on a modest income, her boyfriend earns more than me and her dad put together.
I have spoken to them about saving and helped find the best account for them . I've been told the saving is going well , but I can't ask to see there statements , so it's done on trust . I think I maybe need to sit down and ask how long they think it will take to save now they have a savings plan . I also think I will start to change her with a view to save it for her . Her boyfriends rent I think I will put to one side too but spend it if need be , as a poster said I'm not responsible for another person's child . He has a roof over his head for peanuts .

OP posts:
GoldenBlue · 10/10/2021 10:20

10% from first full time pay packet.

It's a principle that as an adult they contribute to their costs.

It is massively less than rent and food would cost them.

But I think it's an important step towards adulthood

Dentistlakes · 10/10/2021 10:26

It depends if it was a long term situation or not and the reason why they were living with me. If it was short term or they were saving for something specific like a house deposit, then no I wouldn’t charge them rent. It would seem counterproductive; making it take longer for them to reach their goal. If they were there long term, with no plans to move out or reason for saving (e.g clearing student debt), then I would expect something as a contribution for utilities etc.

Of course, if I couldn’t afford to fund them then I would have to charge them rent, in the same way as I would a lodger.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/10/2021 10:28

Once they have left education whether that is school , college or university then j would charge board. Having earning adults ( not part time in education) and paying everything for the them is not teaching them anything about life. Adult children eat food, use utilities , the internet , use a bedroom etc. Why would they have that for free and have hundreds even thousands of pounds disposable income a month?