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Original poster

When to start charging children rent

101 replies

Qwertykeys · 10/10/2021 08:57

Hi all , newbie here. At what age do you start charging adult children rent ? Daughter is almost 19,works full time , and not charged rent ,.Her boyfriend lives with us and I change him £10 a week , they do buy all of there own food . Should I start charging her ?

OP posts:
Koph · 10/10/2021 18:17

@Qwertykeys

Hi chocolateorange Thanks for your reply. What your parents did is what I'm Now thinking of doing.
You saving on their behalf doesn't teach them any financial skills. Far better to guide through the ins and outs of savings / credit and to advise on the best way to save . Then just keep an eye on it.
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 10/10/2021 18:25

I didn’t charge dds until they’d graduated and were earning, and then it was around half of what they’d have had to pay in a flat share locally. I honestly don’t think it does them any favours to let them live rent free - it comes as that more of a shock when they do move out and find out just how much a roof over your head, heating and hot water, not to mention food, actually cost.

If you don’t need the money you can always save it for them.

I didn’t save it specifically, but some years later we did give both dds substantial help with property purchases.

JaninaDuszejko · 10/10/2021 18:33

This shows how much the going rate could be. It doesn't sound like you and your DH are on a particularly high income so you should definitely be making sure the boyfriend contributes his fair share of all the household bills plus rent to cover the extra wear and tear of an additional adult in the house, £10 a week is a joke really. Since your daughter has a similar salary to you I'd expect her to pay her share of the bills as well but not necessarily charge 'rent'.

The trouble with not charging your children rent is that it is unfair on any other children who do not have the option of living at home. I have a sibling who has lived in houses own by my parents for decades and has never paid rent despite having a professional FT job. Is that fair?

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 10/10/2021 18:35

Charge them but put the money in savings for her. We didn't charge any of our 3. We could afford not to but it would have so wrong anyway.

CharlieP1977 · 10/10/2021 18:42

I paid my mum £300 a month when I was younger. She paid all the house bills, for food and she did everything for me so since I was earning, I wanted to pay her rent out of respect.

It also set me up for when I moved out and was paying rent.

I understand it's difficult as a parent but I think the children of that age should always offer to pay rent and come to an agreement of how much.

Paying rent to parents is sooo much cheaper then moving out to the big world with all the extra costs. Smile

Original poster
Qwertykeys · 10/10/2021 18:49

Hi JaninaDuszejko
Thanks for the link , wow I never realised rent was that much

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 10/10/2021 20:30

I have no idea why you let a grown man you’re not related to, who earns more than you and your husband put together, live with you for £10/week. That wouldn’t even cover the food he eats, never mind the bills. He is one CF for letting you as well & is clearly taking the piss. They have it really cushy and just because you’re worried your daughter will move away. That’s just blackmail on top.

Original poster
Qwertykeys · 10/10/2021 20:53

Hi MrsElijahMikaelson1
If you read my post they buy all there own food . We agreed on his rent , the post is asking at what age I should charge Dd

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 10/10/2021 22:18

Sorry-didn’t see that. But I still think he is taking the piss-no one can stay somewhere for £10/week. Only paying that much to you he must be rolling in savings-as he’s doing that off your back and essentially his girlfriend’s family, I hope that he’s counting the savings as joint? Or are they his?

Original poster
Qwertykeys · 11/10/2021 05:47

Yes hes doing the bulk of the saving as the higher earner . It is however not the purpose of my post.

OP posts:
MattyGroves · 11/10/2021 06:18

I wouldn't charge my adult children (I expect not to need the money) but I definitely wouldn't let an adult earning loads more than me live in my house for basically nothing. £10 a week from the boyfriend is a joke!

I also just don't want to live with housemates any more, I am past that stage of life. I would get them to go off and rent. I realise they don't want to but it's not all their decision! I also found renting taught me a lot about what I did and didn't want in a house and how to maintain a property.

TheReluctantPhoenix · 11/10/2021 06:28

It is tricky.

I think that when you charge, the relationship changes to an adult one, where they would expect ‘rights’ in return for the money.

I think it is really important for young adults to understand the meaning of being an adult and babying them is doing no one any favours, least of all them.

If you don’t charge them cash, they should have a non-negotiable list of chores around the house instead.

If she wants to live with her bf, I think that they should be looking to get their own place and live independently. And, rather than paying for them to live with you, you could give them a helping hand with that.

You see so many threads on here with adult children being infantilised and allowed to get away with anything, and people defending it by claiming that their brain is not ‘adult’ yet. I feel sorry for their employers.

drpet49 · 11/10/2021 06:31

* You can teach budgetting and life skills etc without taking money off her.*

^This.

Ragwort · 11/10/2021 06:33

I think you're mad to allow the BF to move in ... and only charge £10, he must be delighted Hmm. Actually are you not slightly insulted that he has not offered to pay more? It sounds as though he is happy to abuse your hospitality.

I suggest one third of take home salary is a reasonable contribution from your DD (& the BF) and if you choose to save it for them that is your decision.

But do make it clear what the long term plans are ... otherwise they could be living with you for a long time ... sounds very cushy.

My DS is earning his first salary - £20K, he rents a room & pays £525 a month (all bills included) ... he has to buy food, run a car etc but he manages to budget and it's an important part of growing up. The job is mikes away so there is no question if him living at home.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 11/10/2021 07:54

@Qwertykeys

Yes hes doing the bulk of the saving as the higher earner . It is however not the purpose of my post.

You missed the point of my question there-obviously he can save more as he’s hardly spending on living costs as he is taking that off you. Off you and your husband who earn nowhere hear what he does. He pays around 1% of his earnings to rent, which is really unrealistic.

My question was-are those saving joint with your daughter, so that she is benefitting from the fact that he leeches off you?

Original poster
Qwertykeys · 11/10/2021 08:02

Hi , no there savings are separate, she will only benefit should they purchase a house . He's made it clear the house will be 50/50 dispute her saving being lower. I didn't post to be judged on the living and saving arrangements but to gain opinions on asking Dd for rent

OP posts:
MattyGroves · 11/10/2021 08:15

@Qwertykeys

Hi , no there savings are separate, she will only benefit should they purchase a house . He's made it clear the house will be 50/50 dispute her saving being lower. I didn't post to be judged on the living and saving arrangements but to gain opinions on asking Dd for rent
But if they split up before they buy a house, he walks away with a lot of savings at your expense. That's why all of it is relevant
Ragwort · 11/10/2021 08:34

Matty makes a very good point, if they split uo, he obviously keeps his savings which have effectively been made at your expense because you are not charging him a sensible rent. You really need to toughen up and get a lot more business like ... you are not doing either of them any favours by being such a soft touch.

You could charge them both a 'fair rent' (ie not necessarily market rent so still much cheaper than renting on the open market) and then when (if) they buy together give them a chunk of the rent you have 'saved' towards the deposit but make sure it is a joint house purchase.

But realistically how long is it going to take them to save up a deposit? Do you want them living with you all that time? Do you live alone, how does it effect any other people living in your home?

Original poster
Qwertykeys · 11/10/2021 08:36

His rent was set to cover the extra electric , for washing, showers , running gadgets etc . He has asked if he needs to pay more and would happily do so . The rent is not about making money from him or her.im trying to judge if not asking Dd to contribute I'm being soft and not preparing her for when she does have her / there own home

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 11/10/2021 08:38

I’m not judging-I just don’t really understand because unless they buy a house your DD won’t benefit from him sponging off you at all.

So in answer to your questions, I would get your DD to pay a nominal rent and would save it for her as extra. And I would definitely get him to pay a realistic rent and if I didn’t need that personally for day to day then I would put it in the same account I was saving DD’s rent in so that she does actually benefit from this situation.

Daisydolly1986 · 11/10/2021 09:11

My ex work colleagues was in this situation. After 18 months of son and his GF living with him he asked how saving was going and when they planned on moving out. Turns out they'd saved nothing! Were living rent free and having a right old jolly!

Charge them a proper rent, save it yourself for them and give it back when they leave. It will help them. Why £10, that's nothing in the scheme of things.

Or, write down all of your house related outgoings and charge them a % of each. This will help show them how much house bills cost?

Siriisatwat · 11/10/2021 09:32

@MrsElijahMikaelson1

I’m not judging-I just don’t really understand because unless they buy a house your DD won’t benefit from him sponging off you at all.

So in answer to your questions, I would get your DD to pay a nominal rent and would save it for her as extra. And I would definitely get him to pay a realistic rent and if I didn’t need that personally for day to day then I would put it in the same account I was saving DD’s rent in so that she does actually benefit from this situation.

I’d do that too. Because actually, he’s really taking the piss. He should have offered to pay full rent for a room in the area. To be living in your house for £10 a week (!) for everything would actually sour my view of him to be honest.

And I’m sorry but I would be charging HIM full rent.

My obligation to take care of people stops at my children. If a partner moved in with them, they would pay their way.

Siriisatwat · 11/10/2021 09:33

@Qwertykeys

His rent was set to cover the extra electric , for washing, showers , running gadgets etc . He has asked if he needs to pay more and would happily do so . The rent is not about making money from him or her.im trying to judge if not asking Dd to contribute I'm being soft and not preparing her for when she does have her / there own home
Sorry missed this in my last response, I didn’t realise he offered to pay more.

He should be paying much, much more. I wouldn’t be as kind as you, that’s for sure!

sqirrelfriends · 11/10/2021 09:50

It depends what you can afford.

I wouldn't charge if they were saving up for their own place. If it's being squandered on gadgets and nights out, I'd take £100 a week and set it aside for them.

Original poster
Qwertykeys · 11/10/2021 18:29

Hi all , thanks for all the replies.Dd has been told she needs to pay rent . This amount , unknown to her , will be saved for her . Boyfriend has been asked for extra money to cover his living costs .

OP posts: