When to start charging children rent

[Qwertykeys]

Hi all , newbie here. At what age do you start charging adult children rent ? Daughter is almost 19,works full time , and not charged rent ,.Her boyfriend lives with us and I change him £10 a week , they do buy all of there own food . Should I start charging her ?

If it were me in your situation I would be charging my daughter and putting it away as savings for her deposit but I would be charging the bf a lot more than £10 especially as you know he earns more than you and your DH put together!

You don't say much about their relationship etc. If they split up he's had a great time being able to save living at yours practically free. If they buy a house will it be completely 50/50 even though he earns more and will presumably have a bigger deposit? If not, will he say 'but I earn more' even though you've subsidised him. You also don't say if they are contributing to housework, general living ie. doing all their own washing, clearing up after themselves.

@Qwertykeys

Hi seasonchange. He lived quite a distance from us , around a two hour trip to see each other. He started staying the odd night , and it ended up permanent. At the time I didn't think it wise to let my daughter jump feet first into renting, especially as they are likely to move to his home town . This would mean daughter having a long commute. I thought it best he moved in that way if the relationship failed he just moved back out .

I understand that but what if they now buy a house together - her having never lived without you and fall out? A rental for a year /6 months is a good way to check you actually work together living together and budgeting etc.

Living with mum and dad is not the same.

My mum didn't charge my brother when he lived rent free at home. 15 years later she,regrets the decision because its only since he finally had a place of his own that he has recognised the cost of living that those of us who moved out had to get very aware of very quickly

When DS left Uni and started work he was charged rent was based on monthly pay as he was originally zero hour but luckily given full hours

Hi seasons
I totally understand were your coming from . I believe if he hadn't of moved in they would of moved away , she would of given her job up , been too stubborn to come home if things fall apart. Im hoping that by them living in a bedroom together will test the waters.

@Qwertykeys

Hi seasons I totally understand were your coming from . I believe if he hadn't of moved in they would of moved away , she would of given her job up , been too stubborn to come home if things fall apart. Im hoping that by them living in a bedroom together will test the waters.

Would they consider renting a flat near you?

I mean, you did the right thing. It would have been madness for her to give up her job and move away.

But what if they rented a place near to you. Then if it all went wrong it wouldn’t be so much of a leap for her to come home, or stay there on her own.

Hi changemusthappen
Thanks for your reply. At the moment I'm not thinking about what happens when /if they move out. That will be up to them
I posted to get people's opinions on what age it's appropriate to charge your child/ young adult rent

Hi Siri
Yes renting near by or maybe in the middle would be ideal , unfortunately they think renting is dead money so want to save .
I'm now wondering if Im being too soft by not charging her rent

Mumsnet is obsessed by this topic, usually I see it about once a week, today there are two threads running at the same time.

Seriously, it needs it's own board. It's not like the question even has a definitive answer in the first place

My thought would be charge bf proper rent and save for dd. Then if they split she has at least something otherwise if he moves on having paid peppercorn rent he walks away wealthy . Hopefully they won’t but how old is he? Is it not time he learnt there isn’t always a free lunch from others. I’m surprised his parents aren’t embarrassed but then ime people with money know how to hold onto it.

@Purplewithred

Personally I feel this is one of the biggest moral conundrums of parenting. Brace yourself for a baffling array of views and responses.

Can you afford to fund them, can you stand having them in the house, and what are their long term plans/prospects?

This sums it up. I would take into account their financial awareness and how well they manage money, something parents should teach all teenagers. If they are saving for a place of their own and you don't need the money I wouldn't take anything. If all their earnings get spent they need to learn to budget and I would charge lodge. Mine both came home for a year after uni and I didn't charge anything as they were working hard and saving.

My view is that you should start charging rent as soon as they leave full-time, non-paying education. (Apprenticeships require a token rent for budgeting practice). If at all possible I would save the money for them, but I just believe it’s an important demarcation that once someone leave’s education bills must be paid.

I wouldn’t let a partner move in at all. That is something that should wait for when a person is ready to move out of the parental home.

If you want to just let her live there rent free so she can save for a house, it is actually ok to stipulate a minimum amount she must add to her savings each month.

I wouldn't charge my child rent unless I was paying rent or a mortgage myself.

However, what I would do if my child was working in a "proper" job would be to work out how much they earn in relation to DH and me, work out how much the bills are (food, utilities, council tax) and split them between the three of us in proportion to earnings.

If they just had a summer job between university semesters I'd probably just ask for a small contribution towards food.

If you don't need the money to cover the additional costs associated with her living there then don't do it. I personally don't understand why parents charge their children rent "just because". It doesn't make sense to me.

Yes, living at home for free if on a good wage is a privilege, but surely this will then just allow the child to save more and put towards a deposit and get out of the house quicker.

I don't get why parents of adult children spout on about "but it's way cheaper than if they were renting/living in a house share" - yes we know that too, but again it doesn't mean you should automatically be charging rent just for the sake of it.

Having said this, it very much depends on the child. My parents don't charge me rent, however I am basically a housemate in terms of I buy all my own groceries, toiletries, clothes etc. Pay my own car related costs & do everything myself so do my own laundry, cook all of my own meals. I don't rely on my parents for anything but them not charging me rent means that I have been about to save up a large chunk of money towards a house deposit.

Obviously if the child is costing you money/you can't afford to have them there for free/ they are reckless and fritter away their money then you may want to charge them a small sum.

Also, just because I'm living rent free doesn't mean I don't know the value of money as some other posters would suggest. I lived away at uni for 4 years and had to work to add to my student loan to be able to cover my rent and living expenses. Also I have to pay all my other bills and expenses so I don't agree with the fact that if you don't pay rent somehow you're living in the clouds and have no clue of what things cost.

But if you're doing it just for the sake of it then I wouldn't.

@Qwertykeys

Hi thanks for the replies. For context , we are lucky and don't need to charge her . I changed the boyfriend just to cover the extra electric ( washing, phone charging,Xbox ect ) . They are saving for a house deposit . I was thinking of changing just as a life lesson , put the money to one side and give if her back when they get a house . Not sure if I'm being too soft on her (and him ) and it's time to learn there is no free ride .

That's what my mum did. At 21 she gave me a cheque for all that I'd given her and my dad since I was 16 it was a fantastic surprise and nothing teaches budgeting like actually having to do it.

@Neonplant

Do you need the money?

I don't think that should be a factor, it's about teaching young adults the value of money and budgeting etc. I would say once they are working full time.

My DS gives me rent but its for his food really. He is saving hard for a deposit.

My DF refused to take anything of me so instead I bought him things and treat food.

I think everyone needs to contribute.

Hi chocolateorange
Thanks for your reply. What your parents did is what I'm Now thinking of doing.

I've charged my 18 year old what I'm losing in child benefit, so £85 per month. He's just started full time and earns more than me! This is a token amount to start off with and we'll review it in a few months' time. It's important they contribute and don't have everything handed to them on a plate. I need his contribution to help towards the household costs too. That's a right and proper thing for an adult child to learn.

I've never charged mine rent, but others will disagree

I wouldn’t charge my own anything if I could afford not to. I’d charge the boyfriend more than £10 though in the circumstances you’ve described.

I don’t think of it as ‘charging’ the kids. It’s about helping them to become an adult teaching them to expect to make a contribution to shared expenses.

I will happily support my adult children financially if they need it but I also expect them to behave as adults.