Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you know of anyone not very nice but seems to have a lot of friends?

79 replies

Poetrypatty · 06/10/2021 20:12

Just pondering this really. I vaguely know someone who in my own experience has been quite unpleasant to me but seems to have lots of friends. Just wondering if this is a common thing really. Maybe it's that that person just has a problem with me and is nice to others. Or do you think sometimes people can be not that nice but still have quite a few friends?

OP posts:
Booksandwine80 · 06/10/2021 20:13

Yes. Everybody thinks the sun shines out of her arse but she’s a snidey, two faced adulterer Grin

YodaiamsaidI · 06/10/2021 20:14

I know someone who most people of my acquaintance agree is quite vile,no redeeming character at all ...but does have quite a group of friends.

QueenAdreena · 06/10/2021 20:15

Yeah, I can think of a few examples. I don’t like them or their friends though, they’re all over each other on social media, absolutely hunning the hell out of each other and then slag each other off behind each other’s backs. They’re all two faced.

DustyMaiden · 06/10/2021 20:17

I worked with the most horrendously selfish person ever. She had a lot of friends but I think they just didn’t want to come into her firing line.

Redannie118 · 06/10/2021 20:19

In my experience its always the really horrible, mean, utterly selfish people who wouldnt spit on you if you were on fire types that have loads of friends.

PresidentJoey · 06/10/2021 20:19

OP I bet they're "friends" but not friends. FB followers and arse-lickers but they all hate her really Wink

BlusteryLake · 06/10/2021 20:20

I know of several large "friendship groups" where they all find it socially advantageous to appear friendly but many of them can't stand each other. They are all using each other for social standing.

ChequerBoard · 06/10/2021 20:20

I think you are describing Amanda from Motherland!

DementedPanda · 06/10/2021 20:24

Quite a few, people bend over backwards for them but actually they are very inclusive group and pick and choose friends of the week while keeping others at hand

Original poster
Poetrypatty · 06/10/2021 20:29

Interesting, thanks for all the replies it seems a few people fall into this category then. I often read posts on MN where people who sound lovely are struggling to find friends, so there's no justice is there.

OP posts:
HarrisMcCoo · 06/10/2021 20:30

Yep. Aware of a few like this.

Pumpkinseedpesto · 06/10/2021 20:30

Yes, I know someone like that. She was utterly horrible to me but seems to have plenty of friends. She was an awful bully but got away with it all because everyone thought she was a lovely person. I often think to myself “why can’t any of you see through her?” She uses people and is always after something but She’s subtle and often it goes completely unnoticed.

TeamNegan · 06/10/2021 20:35

Ime it’s always the bitchy, two faced, fake people that have tons of friends, because they’re so good at manipulating people into liking them!

ThesecondLEM · 06/10/2021 20:38

Yep, this woman is a spiteful, manipulative cunt. In fact I am leaving my job due to her and I'm.not the first one. She is divisive and self serving yet people flock to her like flies around shit.

People eventually see her for what she is and then she turns on them.

Her husband is one of the nicest people I've ever met. Poor bastard

Oldtiredfedup · 06/10/2021 20:44

Yup. People likd that are very good at putting on a show - but the mask eventually slips

Gizmo98765 · 06/10/2021 20:47

Yes DH’s best mans wife. She is super controlling, scheming, manipulative and plays mind games to get her own way or if she doesn’t get her own way.
She has a largish group of friends from work I think as a pp has said they are frightened to be on the receiving end of her wrath. She also surrounds herself with yes people (including her DH) and other couples. Anyone who dares stand up to her gets cut off and is socially outcast.

MargaretThursday · 06/10/2021 20:49

Sort of.
They tell everyone how popular they are. Apparently they did think about not sending 200 Christmas cards one year but couldn't bring themselves to disappoint people (I may have laughed like a drain when they admitted they only got about 30 back) and if you listen to them then the whole company of 2000 people are waiting for their tiny word of advice so they can tell them how brilliant they are... they were most put out when they left and came back a year later to grace them with their presence on a visit and no one bothered stopping working to talk to them.
But they couldn't get a babysitter at all, apparently everyone refused because they only babysat for family....

I think they like to say how wonderfully popular they are, and people kind of become one of their "collection of friends" because people don't want to miss out or be the one to pull back, but I don't think they have very many real friends who actually would be there for them if they need it. It's quite sad if you think about it.

SerenShine · 06/10/2021 20:50

Yup. I work with someone who is horribly selfish and catty, yet seems to be really popular...

chinashopbull · 06/10/2021 21:24

I have two cousins who are definitely narcissists and the all the relatives are on their sides ass licking. My family were recently on the firing line despite being right over a situation and it didn't take long for the relatives to take their sides. They first started saying things like "don't get us involved" which later turned out that they are now on their sides. The situation was that they owed my parents money 1st cousin for a wedding she couldn't afford and 2nd cousin for her fathers business. The whole family knows they owe my parents money and they are wrong for even suggesting that they don't despite going on extravagant holidays and buying expensive cars instead of paying my parents.

They were nasty, cruel and now have banished my parents and me and my siblings. The matter is being solved legally now which made them go even more crazy to a point they have reached out to my inlaws through social media making up rumours such as "did you know that your dil is this and that". Nasty people and totally fucked up in the head. They don't have friends they have people who are scared to confront them. People see through them and they either owe them something or are scared of them or have some mutual benefit.

LittleOverWhelmed · 06/10/2021 21:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Autumngoldleaf · 06/10/2021 21:48

Oh goodness yes! I often find the attraction is a large house or money or just buzz sometimes.

Most people have a horrid side though and we are all hypocrites to a degree.

RonaldMcDonald · 06/10/2021 21:57

Yes, me

I have only 5 adults I enjoy in the world but externally it looks like 100.
I throw two parties a year and hold numbers to only 75 attendees. I have an invitation or two out per week, every week.
I’m largely disinterested in people’s drama and therefore don’t get involved. I also don’t seek approval as I know me and my tiny tribe now. I only tell what I believe to be the truth. I am apathetic about much and therefore get into few spats. I effect the change I can and am highly industrious but I rarely speak about it.
I like to listen to others.
Finally I am bright, attractive, single and wealthy which probably counts for more than anything else I’ve said.

Justalittlebit10 · 07/10/2021 01:21

Yes! I know a woman who is so over the top nice at first, gathering up her next victim and then the second they do the slightest thing she doesn't like or agree with, out comes the venom and she tries to get all mutual friends on board and becomes a total passive aggressive bully. She has a long line of people she has fallen out with over the years...two of her colleagues have even had to leave work because of her.
She tried it with me once, I gave her nothing back in retaliation as I couldn't care less about her, so I think she found me quite frustrating!
It's actually quite entertaining seeing her all pally pally and gushing over a friendship then having a spectacular public fallout!

Riada · 07/10/2021 09:05

OP, just because this person is unpleasant to you, and/or doesn’t like you, doesn’t necessarily imply she behaves that way to everyone, surely?

I think that the idea (which is prevalent on Mn, often on posts by people who are upset because they have no friends or struggle with friendships) that being ‘nice’ gets you friends is a total fallacy. For me, I like to have people in my life who are interesting, clever and creative, confident, observant, good conversationalists, who are interested in their work and the world around them — ‘nice’ comes way down the agenda for me. A lot of people are ‘nice’, but that alone doesn’t make me want to be friends. And I certainly have friends other people dislike.

Pumpkinseedpesto · 07/10/2021 09:15

@LittleOverWhelmed

I know someone who is a real social climber…. She is strategic in her friendships and always building towards the next big thing.
Yes, that’s exactly it. Always on the look out for people who can give them a step up in life and being super nice to them. It’s all part of a bigger plan. Always manipulating, always plotting their next move.