Is this inappropriate?

[Isthisinappropriate]

Name changed as I asked someone irl and they use this site (and they were horrified I even suggested it, she has a son and couldn't get her head around me thinking this might be a good idea).

I am going for a smear test soon, I had an appointment this week with the person who will be doing my test, and she was absolutely fine with it, but I'm still unsure.

I have a very open relationship with my dds, I've demonstrated to them how they should be checking their breasts, how to use pads and tampons, and they know if they hear a word they can ask me and I'll answer them honestly etc.

My dd is 14 and I'm contemplating taking her with me, maybe not behind the curtain, and definitely up by my head if I do, but just so the nurse can have a chat, show her the equipment and she can see/hear its not a big deal.

The nurse is fine, dd is fine, I do trust that MN will tell me the truth if this is a horrible idea though.

I'm absolutely fine with the tests and they take a couple of minutes, but I was terrified and put my first one off for years and don't want my dd to feel the same way.

Is this an awful plan or is it OK?

I had no relationship with my mother and had an abusive childhood so I never really had a 'normal' amount of guidance and sometimes struggle with that so please be kind.

Thank you for your views.

Having had a bit of a think about it my dd doesn't have the issues I had/have, I think I'm remembering how I felt, and how long I put my smear off for because I had my own issues, but dd is a completely different person.

I'm going to show her and my younger dd the video after school and have a chat about smears, see what the reaction is and decide based on that.

Its so difficult for me to know how a 'normal' person thinks, but I've seen the shockingly low rate of women having smears and I really don't want my dds to be in the statistics and am trying to head off any potential problems.

In doing so I may be creating problems though.

Thank you all for talking this through with me

You sound like you’ve done a fantastic job of raising daughters who are secure in their own bodies and who are open in their relationship with you.

In terms of the smear test, I don’t think I’d take her tbh, you have a right to privacy and I think it’s healthy for children to recognise that need in their parents. There’s nothing in your posts to suggest she might fear a smear test, and ultimately she will make the decision for herself when the time comes. Ultimately I think we need to raise our kids and then trust them to make their own decisions in adulthood, you have no control over that.

You sound like a lovely mum, and I really get that thing of just not being sure about where some boundaries lie, I personally think coming to your smear test is too far. Would the nurse let her come in with you and explain the process and then let her sit outside when she did the test?

@Isthisinappropriate

Name changed as I asked someone irl and they use this site (and they were horrified I even suggested it, she has a son and couldn't get her head around me thinking this might be a good idea).

I am going for a smear test soon, I had an appointment this week with the person who will be doing my test, and she was absolutely fine with it, but I'm still unsure.

I have a very open relationship with my dds, I've demonstrated to them how they should be checking their breasts, how to use pads and tampons, and they know if they hear a word they can ask me and I'll answer them honestly etc.

My dd is 14 and I'm contemplating taking her with me, maybe not behind the curtain, and definitely up by my head if I do, but just so the nurse can have a chat, show her the equipment and she can see/hear its not a big deal.

The nurse is fine, dd is fine, I do trust that MN will tell me the truth if this is a horrible idea though.

I'm absolutely fine with the tests and they take a couple of minutes, but I was terrified and put my first one off for years and don't want my dd to feel the same way.

Is this an awful plan or is it OK?

I had no relationship with my mother and had an abusive childhood so I never really had a 'normal' amount of guidance and sometimes struggle with that so please be kind.

Omg I think you're lovely. How caring. You might get some oh mum eye rolling but honestly your DD will thank you for it one day, it's such a nerve inducing thing for so many of us! Might save her life too, of she thinks of it as so routine, many people including myself I'll shamefully add spent many years avoiding them.

Just FYI, I remember going with my mum when she had one once, can't remember how old I was but must have been preteen I guess? I stayed up the head end
I can't imagine why she took me (although her relationship with her mum was very difficult, she may have had similar motivations to yours - or it might have been a straightforward childcare issue) but it didn't traumatise me in any way, and any concerns I might have about smear tests now are based on my own slightly-uncomfortable experiences. I certainly wasn't worried when I booked my own first smear

Sorry OP, it looks like I'm in the minority here but all I can think is how horrified I would have been at your DD's age if my mum had suggested this. I accept that you and your DD may have more openness between you than me and my mum, but at that age I'd have been mortified to be in any room with my mother while she had her knickers off, regardless of context.

I also think it's a bit superfluous at your DD's age, plus I'd worry in case the experience actually made her more scared of smears, not less.