Raising a boy in today’s world

[Redredwiney]

Does anyone else look at monsters like Wayne Couzens and wonder what went wrong in their lives for them to turn out the way they did? Or not even murder but harass or sexually assault.

I have a 6 month old, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do to make sure he doesn’t turn out to be a monster, and that scares me. I know I’m overthinking it, but I can’t help but wonder what happened in these men’s childhood, etc. for them to feel so entitled, and how I can make sure my baby grows up to respect women. It’s such a scary world.

No, l don't worry about this, it could have nothing to do with their upbringing, p!ease don't let us get to the stage where mothers feel we have now have to apologise for having sons.
It's common sense you bring them up to be kind and respectful, in a healthy so!id, secure relationship.

@stairway

Let’s not blame the mother for this, it’s just another form of misogyny.

This. Why is it always our responsibility and our fault?

We can nurture and show the way. But it's the outside influence. Other men and societal norms that needs to be addressed.

What is the father like?

What are the male role models?

Are they being raised to be confident, to listen to others, to value themselves, to be fair (and understand why that matters) and to be kind?

That's how I've tried to raise my boys and they seem nice to me, and apparently to plenty of others.

I have three boys. I talk to them all the time about how to be kind, decent and honourable. I label hate where I see it and I talk to them about the pervasive nature of misogyny in particular. I don't tolerate scrapping or bullying and I don't excuse bad behaviour because of their sex. I haven't encouraged any narratives about how they should be in this world because they are boys - we talk about the full gamut emotions and give space to feel scared, worried and insecure and I don't wave it away because they are boys.

And none of this really compares to having a good working example of a warm and kind father who is generous with his time, keeps house alongside his wife, can disagree with others without resorting to aggression and sulking.

I have wonderful, kind and thoughtful children who are as decent as all the best people I know.

THIS. In spades:

CleopatrasBeautifulNose

I also think that saying no and meaning it, which is a key policy for being a good parent anyway, is also important. Don't plant the seed that no can become yes if enough persuasion is applied. Apart from the fact that you get a little pest for a child it leaks into their thinking for all sorts of things including other people's boundaries.
Personally I only ever say no if I'm going to stand by that like a rock, so I always say it with damn good reason. When that word leaves my lips the kids drop the rope negate I have never backtracked on it without a fundamental change in the considerations which apply. If they want something I'll say yes if there is no reason not to. Maybe if it depends on something and I'll tell them what that is. But no never ever becomes yes just by them chipping away at my resolve.

We have a dog that only tolerates affection on her terms! So that’s been quite a good lesson there. I expect cats would also give this lesson to kids

@Lightswitch123

I worry that men today are all positively discriminated against. Much easier to get a role if your ethnic minority woman than white male. They are a very disadvantaged group.

🙄 because that's why majority of company boards, execs etc are white males isn't it?

I wonder if getting them to volunteer early (pre puberty) helping some kind of vulnerable people for whatever cause might help them grow up to be better people and less violent and less likely to exploit vulnerable people whether that's women, disabled people, or even just bullying weaker/smaller men.