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Original poster

Found out my boyfriend is my distant cousin

125 replies

Pink2121 · 27/09/2021 09:17

I have been dating my boyfriend for 15.months. I have recently started researching my family tree and in doing so, I have found out that we are 4th cousins. We share a great great great grandfather. I was shocked when I heard it and very upset. Any advice on what I should do. Should we stay together or go our separate ways. We are happy together but this has completely changed the way I feel for him.now. its a very difficult situation..

OP posts:
Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 27/09/2021 09:19

He's a very distant cousin so I wouldn't worry about it. If you have only found out by researching your family tree it means that you weren't that close.

Tohobbieornot · 27/09/2021 09:19

If he was your first cousin, I’d understand how you felt but ultimately he’s so far removed that most people would never even know this was the case.

I think you laugh about it and move on.

Feilin · 27/09/2021 09:19

Genetically you are far apart and therefore its fine . Its also fine legally . Its just a question of how you both feel about it.

LadyDanburysHat · 27/09/2021 09:20

That is a pretty distant relative. I wouldn't be concerned by it.

Rugsofhonour · 27/09/2021 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/09/2021 09:21

In the UK first cousins are allowed to marry. You have nothing to worry about.

Famousfrays · 27/09/2021 09:21

I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m sure if everyone researched their family tree they’d find that they are in some way related to their partner. If neither of your families knew then you aren’t closely related

NapoleonOzmolysis · 27/09/2021 09:21

You can marry your first cousin so what's the problem?

AnnoyedByAlfieBear · 27/09/2021 09:22

I wouldn't be worried but if it's changed your feelings about him already it might be hard to go back.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/09/2021 09:25

Such a distant connection is surely highly unlikely to cause genetic problems in any future children, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s the marriage of first cousins that is cited as a very real risk.

cushioncovers · 27/09/2021 09:31

Don't worry op. My parents found out they were 4th cousins after 30 years of marriage when another distance relative researched the family tree, we all just laughed about it. It stemmed from a brother and sister born in the late 1800's. ( my parents are in their 70's) My mother was the offspring from the brothers side and my father is the offspring from the sisters side, 4 generations down the line.

It means nothing, it must happen all the time please don't feel upset about it.

Boombadoom · 27/09/2021 09:33

I understand why you feel weird about it, but I would say that if you were born in a different era, you likely would have been way closer than that!

SquareYellow · 27/09/2021 09:35

I can understand why it’s making you feel different, but genetically and legally it’s fine and you found out after you met, not at a family gathering etc.

Bimblybomeyelash · 27/09/2021 09:36

I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. I have family from the Shetlands. A hundred years ago, In that part of my family tree, pretty much everybody is everybody else’s 4th cousin.

SunshineCake1 · 27/09/2021 09:37

The Queen and Prince Philip were related closer than you. No biggie but if you don't feel the same you should leave. Not fair on him.

borntobequiet · 27/09/2021 09:39

4th cousins are fine, in fact there may be genetic advantages in distant kinship conceptions.

nyktipolos · 27/09/2021 09:39

I would say its fine. I bet its not even that rare, but I bet a lot of people don't really know. Especially if both families are from the same area.

But, if its given your the 'ick' there's not much you can do. Not sure I would hold hoping the 'ick' disappears.

This has really bothered you. I don't think it's a big deal, but I am not you. Only you can decide what you do about this

Twixxed · 27/09/2021 09:39

That's very distant really. I suspect many couples, especially in rural communities where there hasn't been as much migration as cities, are as closely related. And yes you are less closely related than the Queen and Prince Philip!

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 27/09/2021 09:42

If you only knew from researching your family tree then I don't think it matters and no one has to know.

Skysblue · 27/09/2021 09:42

That is a very distant relationship. I can see it was a shock because you’re thinking “Agh he’s family!” But bear in mind that if you go back far enough we are ALL related.

Up to you whether to stay together but maybe take a while to calm down and get perspective before making any decisions.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 27/09/2021 09:43

It's really not a problem, unless it gives you the ick personally.

Possiblynotever · 27/09/2021 09:43

It happened to me as well...we got married and our DD is a star. Do not worry, your connection is remote enough

LoislovesStewie · 27/09/2021 09:48

What concerns you about this? In the UK marrying a cousin is legal, if certain health conditions run in the family there can be more likelihood of passing that onto children, but you aren't first cousins, so any risk would be much smaller.

Chloemol · 27/09/2021 09:48

The Queen and Prince Philip were third cousins via Queen Victoria. So I dont see the issue

Generallystruggling · 27/09/2021 09:48

I wouldn’t worry about it, you’d never have known any different had you not researched your family tree. You can legally marry your first cousin, it’s a bit gross but people do it.