Why are doctors so bothered about other people's contraception choices?

[allergyupset]

This is a request for medical professionals to stop raising their eyebrows and looking at their patients as if they're weird.

First of all I've had a very shit, stressful day full of medical upset that's been going on for years, so please take this rant within the wider context of me having a generally shit day.

Why are doctors and sexual health workers so bothered? Are they on commission or something?

I've been with my DH for over ten years. We still use condoms. It works for us. We buy them with our own money and don't get them free from the NHS. I am well aware of other options such as contraceptive pills, injections, coils etc. I am also not interested. We will choose the method that suits us best and it's frankly not your business to start asking me questions like "Are you happy with that?" Yes I'm fucking happy with that. If I wasn't, I would've asked for something else long ago. Just give it a rest and stop questioning people's choices.

@Theunamedcat

I got asked I joked I used my personality they persisted I pointed out they were going to feel the force of my personality if they didn't drop it I was calling about my mental health not my sex life (which I don't have)

Haha brilliant, I'm going to say this next time!

I used to get asked about contraception all the time which used to piss me off - in particular two days after I had my first child the nurse in the hospital bullied me onto going on the pill because "you don't want to be getting pregnant again"........eh, how do you know I don't? Treated me like a 15 yr old who had got pg by accident - I was 28 years old and happily married. I was too exhausted to argue though.

@BadgertheBodger

My sister is a married lesbian and has refused to see one of our GPs since he would not fucking let it go about contraception during an appointment for a UTI. “You should think about long term contraception blah blah blah” DSis politely explained she had a wife, so not necessary, he actually started down the “well anything could happen” track. What, like she’ll suddenly turn straight and have an affair

I would have made a formal complaint if I was treated like that.

I remember trying to have an implant removed 3 years ago. I had so many horrible side effects including constant bleeding, it just made me feel horrendous but the sexual health clinic did not want to remove it at all. I had to break down crying and beg for it to be taken out before she’d agree to, think I also threatened to cut it out myself.

I think the problem is that asking/telling women about their choices happens in the context of not listening to women about their choices. Side effects of hormonal contraception and the coil are always said to be “rare” but even if that is true, which I think is extremely debatable, it’s of zero use if they happen to you. I’ve never been offered any information on cycle tracking methods which, like the pill etc. if done properly, are highly effective (up to 99% according to the NHS website) and have ultimately been the only solution for me.

Highly recommend this podcast especially the first episode called Sex Hurts about one woman’s experience on the pill which I think is both therapeutic and interesting if you’ve had a bad experience www.bodiespodcast.com/

@ZealAndArdour

Because unplanned pregnancies, STD’s and associated GU complaints cost the NHS money and have an impact on health outcomes at a population level. It’s public health.

This. Get over yourself, they asked a simple question, ffs.

By contrast...
When trying to get the pill prescribed I got "Do you KNOW about Chlamydia?". Yes I get they have to explain that the pill doesn't protect against STDs but there is no need to be so oddly aggressive about it. Also, it would have been impossible for me not to know about the existence of chlamydia since for the past few years every time I went to the Dr for anything they would insist on testing for chlamydia (even when I was extremely single)
So, to summarise, it would seem they are never happy.

Where do you all live because I asked about getting the coil (of my own initiative not something the dr suggested) and was told there was a 6 month wait and to ask again another time! Now I’m past the point of bothering because we want to conceive within the 5 years.

DP and I also use condoms as our primary method of contraception but I think it is reasonable to speak to patients about other methods because I’m pretty sure condoms are the least effective (other than pulling out!). Also I think it is reasonable to discuss contraception at an appointment about mental health because your hormones including hormonal contraceptives can have a huge impact on your mental health. There was one brand of pill I tried where I basically cried for three months until I came off it, for example!

Oh and also reasonable IMO to make sure contraception is discussed at post partum appointments - you are at higher risk of complications if you have pregnancies close together.

I find a raised eyebrow if they are being rude and pushy and a shrug if they bluster with foreboding warnings works wonders.

My dentist was almost apoplectic when I returned after not going for decades (long story, lack of nhs dentists, house moves then embarrassment after not going for so long) but I shrugged and said 'I know, I don't disagree'. As it was I didn't need any treatment!

Yes of course it is reasonable to talk to patients about contraception.

But it's the WAY they do it.

Aggressive, judgemental and angry if you don't agree with them.

@Bowtie292

I didn't know condoms were 'frowned' upon. DH and I have been using them for 30 years, never had an issue. I know so many women who have had unwanted pregnancies all whilst on the pill.

That's great for you. The doctor had to make decisions based on population numbers, and population numbers say that, on a population basis, people who use condoms have unwanted pregnancies, and people who use mirena or the implant don't.

I find "Nevertheless..." is a good word too, for use in this type of discussion.

We've only used condoms and only have one child (and didn't use them when we conceived ds) so they can't be that unreliable if you use them properly

Doctors (and society at large) thinks women are far too stupid to look after their own bodies, contraceptive choices and babies once pregnant.

I've never been asked about my contraceptive choices when I've been for a smear, though.

@ZealAndArdour

Because unplanned pregnancies, STD’s and associated GU complaints cost the NHS money and have an impact on health outcomes at a population level. It’s public health.

This!!!

Also, people that say they and their long term partner use condoms, usually don't all the time for one reason or another...

Nevertheless, it's the individual woman's decision.

Do men get pestered about having vasectomies?

I mean, do men get pestered about much at all, sexual health wise?

@SidSparrow

They are on commission and they seem to think that we're all idiots and can't look after our own sexual health. I asked to have my IUD removed and was told that without it I may fall pregnant... I know how babies are made, I have made 2 of them.

A) not true and b) an amazing number of women on here seem surprised by the fact they are pregnant after having unprotected sex Just because you know what you options are and understand all the risks and benefits doesn’t mean most people do. Get over yourself. They asked if you were happy. You say yes. Not difficult. If doctors didn’t ask you would all whine about them too

@PoolNooodle

I went to the Drs with heavy periods and was advised the coil despite being single. I wasn't happy to have one as heard so many horror stories

Damn those doctors suggesting something to help with the problem you went to them with

Well I don’t want a coil, I’m not sexually active and I’ve only ever heard horror stories, why suggest a contraception to someone who hasn’t had sex in 5 years 😑 there are other treatments 🙄

It is annoying I've got through 30 years of sex with 0 unplanned pregnancies, hopefully now I'm too old for them to keep bugging me!

@PoolNooodle

Well I don’t want a coil, I’m not sexually active and I’ve only ever heard horror stories, why suggest a contraception to someone who hasn’t had sex in 5 years 😑 there are other treatments 🙄

Because it’s not just a contraception. It is also very effective at reducing heavy periods In the same way that people sometimes go on the pill to regulate their cycle or sort out their skin. They were trying to offer a solution. It’s their job

The typical use statistics for condoms aren’t great - about 85% - and doctors are incentivised to encourage LARC as cost-effective and reliable.

Or they get an incentive which makes sense now why they suggest that as the first option rather than something less invasive like Tranexamic acid, hardly going to go through having a coil fitted when I’m not even sexually active, I don’t intend to ever have one at all.

@PoolNooodle

I went to the Drs with heavy periods and was advised the coil despite being single. I wasn't happy to have one as heard so many horror stories

An IUS like Mirena is a very effective treatment for heavy periods 🤷🏼‍♀️ just as the contraceptive pill can be used to treat symptoms of PCOS. My lesbian sister has a Mirena for precisely this reason and she is at no risk of pregnancy. The clinical decision doesn’t have to have anything to do with whether or not you are sexually active.