Page 2 | Why are doctors so bothered about other people's contraception choices?

girlmom21 · 21/09/2021 18:31

Condoms are one of the least reliable forms of contraception. It's their job to ensure you're aware of alternative options.

You may well be but many won't be.

BadgertheBodger · 21/09/2021 18:34

My sister is a married lesbian and has refused to see one of our GPs since he would not fucking let it go about contraception during an appointment for a UTI. “You should think about long term contraception blah blah blah” DSis politely explained she had a wife, so not necessary, he actually started down the “well anything could happen” track. What, like she’ll suddenly turn straight and have an affair

Mantlemoose · 21/09/2021 18:35

I'm sure there will be or has been another post by someone whining "why didn't the doctor ask me if I was interested in using something other than condoms". Heaven forbid a doctors takes a interest in their patient!!

MissBPotter · 21/09/2021 18:38

Yes I am not looking forward to my ‘6 week check’, which for me will almost certainly consist of no one actually checking that my episiotomy has healed properly and just patronizingly talking at me about contraception. Feel like saying after the episiotomy and stitches etc I’m never going to have sex again so that should be pretty good contraception thanks!

girlmom21 · 21/09/2021 18:40

@MissBPotter

Yes I am not looking forward to my ‘6 week check’, which for me will almost certainly consist of no one actually checking that my episiotomy has healed properly and just patronizingly talking at me about contraception. Feel like saying after the episiotomy and stitches etc I’m never going to have sex again so that should be pretty good contraception thanks!

You can ask them to check it for you if they don't offer. That's the whole point of the check - to make sure everything is ok with you and baby.

Sceptre86 · 21/09/2021 18:40

I had this every time I saw my consultant (3rd pregnancy, 2 prior sections). I told them each and every time I was going back on the mini pill and dh was considering a vasectomy. My birth ended in an emergency section and I was asked yet again. It's a part of them doing their job. It is annoying though. I have a 12 hour window with my mini pill so am confident in taking it religiously. Dh is considering a vasectomy as we are both clear that having another baby and a 4th section is not a good idea for me physically. I do not want a coil, had a bad experience with the copper coil and rhe mirena does not appeal.

Sceptre86 · 21/09/2021 18:42

@MissBPotter I totally understand and am not looking forward to mine either.

QuickieNCforthis · 21/09/2021 18:43

I've taken issue with this in the past. Prior to being sexually active, I'd go to the GP about an ear infection or something and they'd be extremely pushy about putting me on the pill or, and this was worse with practice nurses, trying to insist on me getting the coil. They always, always insisted on bringing up contraception. I came from a family where I would have been made homeless and disowned for having sex outside of marriage and where I had the emergency phone number for the forced marriage hotline stored in my phone and a hidden photocopy of my passport in my bag for every trip back to my grandparents country. I told the GP practice repeatedly that I didn't intend on having sex prior to marriage as it went against my cultural beliefs. They still pushed and on more occasion than one I had no option to leave with a prescription for Microgynon which I immediately threw in the bin. I wasn't allowed to date or be alone with a man FFS!

I moved away for postgrad and my attitudes changed but still had long periods of abstinence (up to 8 years) where I was asked what contraception I was using ("abstinence. I don't do casual sex. If I was looking to get into a sexual relationship I'm aware of my choices and I wouldn't hesitate to come back if and when contraception was needed.") Then they tried to force the depo on me and the coil again. I was also forced to have pregnancy tests I didn't want even when I explained I was a virgin or that I hadn't had sex in many years. When I was over 35 and wanting to conceive for the first time a practice nurse was adamant I was getting the coil, and I really had to shout to be heard that I wanted children and didn't have long left to conceive.

More recently I have encountered two lovely GPs who are culturally sensitive and who also respect my decisions and choices around contraception and are in favour of me not taking a hormonal or invasive approach. But they are both in their 30s. It's the older ones that have always tried to push their agenda on me. I hated it.

Bombaloorina · 21/09/2021 18:46

Condoms are notoriously unreliable, and while they work for you, they are the cause of many unplanned pregnancies.

This forum alone is littered with women who’ve had unplanned pregnancies.

I’m not knocking you - we used them for a while, post-DC, pre-vasectomy.

I was told by a HCP that they’re fine if a pregnancy isn’t the end of the world. The issue is that people don’t always use them properly - or at all - in the heat of the moment, which decreases their effectiveness.

You might be happy with your contraception choice, but not all women always are, or are even aware of the alternatives. Which is why HCP ask.

MissBPotter · 21/09/2021 18:46

You can ask them to check it for you if they don't offer. That's the whole point of the check - to make sure everything is ok with you and baby.

I know that is the idea @girlmom21, this is dc 3, but I always get the impression that no one wants to look! Plus you’re not allowed to request a female
GP at my surgery (it’s a crap surgery) and I really don’t want a man looking there. Midwives were no help either. I feel like I know a lot more about contraception than male GPs on the whole anyway.

There are still people who do not understand contraception but it is a bit galling being treated like you’re too stupid to prevent pregnancy snd thus must go on long term contraception, even though you’re unlikely to be sexually active and are old enough and educated enough to do your own research! I guess they are trying to be helpful and it is part of the guidance.

Gatehouse77 · 21/09/2021 18:47

Whilst I fully understand your frustration, I’d look at it from the other side.

If you’re in a controlling relationship (be it parents, partner, etc.) questions like this can be the first step to your way out.

I’d rather tolerate the tick box part of it knowing the significant difference it could make in someone else’s life.

5zeds · 21/09/2021 18:48

I honestly thought this just happened to me!

ATieLikeRichardGere · 21/09/2021 18:50

They are weird about these things. I had a copper coil that gave me no end of issues, including constant constant bleeding. After tests excluded every other possible cause of the bleeding, such as cancer, I obviously asked, right can we now get the coil out please?? And they tried to talk me out of it. Just…why? I guess each coil inserted is a costly investment that they don’t want to waste by removing before 5 years or whatever … but it was clearly giving me very troubling medical problems!? With all the bleeding and pain it caused it was acting as a contraceptive, to be fair.

Lily78123 · 21/09/2021 18:50

I don’t see an issue. Doctor asks whether you are informed about other choices. A simple “thank you, we are happy with our contraception choice” should end the questioning.

urbanbuddha · 21/09/2021 18:53

Condone are only 97 or 98% effective or something.

That's with "perfect use". With normal use they are only 82% effective so 1 in 5 women will get pregnant this way.

DamnUserName21 · 21/09/2021 18:54

@allergyupset

This is a request for medical professionals to stop raising their eyebrows and looking at their patients as if they're weird.

First of all I've had a very shit, stressful day full of medical upset that's been going on for years, so please take this rant within the wider context of me having a generally shit day.

Why are doctors and sexual health workers so bothered? Are they on commission or something?

I've been with my DH for over ten years. We still use condoms. It works for us. We buy them with our own money and don't get them free from the NHS. I am well aware of other options such as contraceptive pills, injections, coils etc. I am also not interested. We will choose the method that suits us best and it's frankly not your business to start asking me questions like "Are you happy with that?" Yes I'm fucking happy with that. If I wasn't, I would've asked for something else long ago. Just give it a rest and stop questioning people's choices.

Practice staff are 'pushed' by NHS targets and are obliged to check a patient's satisfaction with their contraception choice and offer alternatives in case they don't know they are available. GPs really (mostly) don't care if you condoms or other forms of contraception.

DamnUserName21 · 21/09/2021 18:54

*you use

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 21/09/2021 18:59

With perfect use every time, condoms are 98% effective. However, we don’t live in a perfect world and their ‘real world use’ reliability is around 85%. A much lower figure. LARC options like injections, implants and intrauterine coils have a much lower failure rate and are cheaper for the NHS to prescribe and fit than daily methods and dealing with the fall out of unwanted pregnancies.

starfishmummy · 21/09/2021 19:02

@MissBPotter

Yes I am not looking forward to my ‘6 week check’, which for me will almost certainly consist of no one actually checking that my episiotomy has healed properly and just patronizingly talking at me about contraception. Feel like saying after the episiotomy and stitches etc I’m never going to have sex again so that should be pretty good contraception thanks!

Lol. Tbh contraception was barely mentioned at my check but with my husband at home, my son in another Town in a Children's Hospital (whichbtje Doctor knew) and me staying on the ward with him, I just laughed and said that being 25 miles apart would work for us! Must have DC is an only child.

Soulstirring · 21/09/2021 19:02

@ZealAndArdour

Because unplanned pregnancies, STD’s and associated GU complaints cost the NHS money and have an impact on health outcomes at a population level. It’s public health.

Absolutely this. Public health (local authority) covers the bill for a lot of contraception and have a drive (or did) for long acting contraception.

Plus, the number of middle age women presenting for abortions is increasing whilst teenagers are decreasing. The statistics from 2016 onward are startling in the amount they grow but at an uneducated guess will be linked to the access to medical abortion.

Women’s health is so important, I’d be disappointed if they didn’t ask.

fedup078 · 21/09/2021 19:03

I was once absolutely blind sided when at an appointment for something unrelated to contraceptives or sexual health the doctor asked me when the last time I had sex was and as it happened it was actually about 20mins before the appointment so in a sudden haze of confusion/ embarrassment/ annoyance I managed to change the subject and didn't answer 🙄

I also remember when getting my jabs for a foreign holiday the nurse telling me not to have sex with the locals . Wow , thanks person who knows nothing about my personal life or relationship status, bit offended but cheers for the advise.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 21/09/2021 19:09

@urbanbuddha

Condone are only 97 or 98% effective or something.

That's with "perfect use". With normal use they are only 82% effective so 1 in 5 women will get pregnant this way.

I could be wrong, but I think that normal use stat includes people who intended to use a condom, but didn’t, and people who had PIV for a bit before putting the condom on. If an individual couple always uses a condom and always puts it on before genital contact, effectiveness for them as an individual couple will be higher than 82%

Bombaloorina · 21/09/2021 19:11

I could be wrong, but I think that normal use stat includes people who intended to use a condom, but didn’t, and people who had PIV for a bit before putting the condom on. If an individual couple always uses a condom and always puts it on before genital contact, effectiveness for them as an individual couple will be higher than 82%

That’s a big ‘if’ though.

The point is - individual couple don’t always do those things.

MythicalBiologicalFennel · 21/09/2021 19:15

The issue [with condoms] is that people don’t always use them properly - or at all - in the heat of the moment, which decreases their effectiveness.

I reckon all contraception methods lose effectiveness if you don't use them in the heat of the moment

Bombaloorina · 21/09/2021 19:23

@MythicalBiologicalFennel

The issue [with condoms] is that people don’t always use them properly - or at all - in the heat of the moment, which decreases their effectiveness.

I reckon all contraception methods lose effectiveness if you don't use them in the heat of the moment

But there’s no option not to for the others - like the pill, coil, etc, etc 🤷🏻‍♀️

Condoms are the only one you have to actually put on during.

Why are doctors so bothered about other people's contraception choices?

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