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Why are doctors so bothered about other people's contraception choices?

131 replies

allergyupset · 21/09/2021 18:01

This is a request for medical professionals to stop raising their eyebrows and looking at their patients as if they're weird.

First of all I've had a very shit, stressful day full of medical upset that's been going on for years, so please take this rant within the wider context of me having a generally shit day.

Why are doctors and sexual health workers so bothered? Are they on commission or something?

I've been with my DH for over ten years. We still use condoms. It works for us. We buy them with our own money and don't get them free from the NHS. I am well aware of other options such as contraceptive pills, injections, coils etc. I am also not interested. We will choose the method that suits us best and it's frankly not your business to start asking me questions like "Are you happy with that?" Yes I'm fucking happy with that. If I wasn't, I would've asked for something else long ago. Just give it a rest and stop questioning people's choices.

OP posts:
MythicalBiologicalFennel · 21/09/2021 19:29

You could forget to take your pill, or take it at the wrong time, whilst in the throes of passion. That would affect its effectiveness.

Correctly used condoms are 98% effective. You know whether you are likely to use them correctly or get sidetracked . People need to use the method that works for them.

Bombaloorina · 21/09/2021 19:36

or take it [the pill] at the wrong time, whilst in the throes of passion.

Yes, it’s a common issue, people interrupting sex to … take their pill. Grin

MythicalBiologicalFennel · 21/09/2021 19:44

@Bombaloorina

or take it [the pill] at the wrong time, whilst in the throes of passion.

Yes, it’s a common issue, people interrupting sex to … take their pill. Grin

You see, it used to happen to me... take the pill at the wrong time because I had been having sex with DH at the time.

Other other hand, the idea that people could have PIV sex before putting a condom on seems bizarre and incomprehensible to me.

Horses for courses and all that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

MrsDThomas · 21/09/2021 19:44

My contraception has never been questioned.

Went on the pill for years. Came off/on to have 3 kids. Back onto it then sterilised when DC3 was 2 years old. Asked for the minipill last year, no issues.

PoolNooodle · 21/09/2021 19:47

I went to the Drs with heavy periods and was advised the coil despite being single. I wasn't happy to have one as heard so many horror stories

cptartapp · 21/09/2021 19:48

It's partly a tick box exercise. How they make their money to run the practice and pay my wages. We're desperately short on appointments so such monies will pay my overtime. If they can't afford it there's no extra hours for me, no extra staff and people will wait a lot longer to be seen.
The sex with the locals comment was to do with avoidance of Hep B.
Practice nurse.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 21/09/2021 19:49

@Bombaloorina

I could be wrong, but I think that normal use stat includes people who intended to use a condom, but didn’t, and people who had PIV for a bit before putting the condom on. If an individual couple always uses a condom and always puts it on before genital contact, effectiveness for them as an individual couple will be higher than 82%

That’s a big ‘if’ though.

The point is - individual couple don’t always do those things.

Well yes some individual couples don't always do those things, but plenty must do, otherwise the normal use effectiveness would be much lower than 82%. If the OP has been using them for years and had no accidental pregnancy, presumably they are using them correctly.
RichardMarxisinnocent · 21/09/2021 19:51

Correctly used condoms are 98% effective. You know whether you are likely to use them correctly or get sidetracked . People need to use the method that works for them.
I completely agree.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 21/09/2021 19:56

I've had this all my life pretty much.
I'm allergic to all hormone based contraception so I use condoms. I've been spoken down to many times as if I've made a stupid choice. It's usually the coil that gets pushed at me as I likely could have the one without hormones. But I get horrendous and heavy periods, for which that coil is not advised.

A few years ago I hurt my back and the nurse in a&e decided it must be because I was pregnant due to using a rubbish contraceptive method. I wasn't pregnant, it was an ongoing back problem due to a slipped disc. She sent me home to deal with my obvious pregnancy and left me in agony Hmm.

liveforsummer · 21/09/2021 19:59

I suppose if they are just asking if you're happy that's fine however ours seem to like pushing the more a coil on anyone who goes in asking for anything but. Figured they must be in some sort of incentive for that!

DamnUserName21 · 21/09/2021 20:03

@cptartapp

It's partly a tick box exercise. How they make their money to run the practice and pay my wages. We're desperately short on appointments so such monies will pay my overtime. If they can't afford it there's no extra hours for me, no extra staff and people will wait a lot longer to be seen. The sex with the locals comment was to do with avoidance of Hep B. Practice nurse.
Yep!
Minibea · 21/09/2021 20:06

God I couldn’t not agree more and it is infuriating.

I’ve been for a smear test today and was treated like a naughty school girl by the practice nurse when I said DH and I use condoms and I wasn’t interested in longer term options. Add that to the fact that it was the main topic of conversation for the Dr’s check prior to discharge from hospital after having DC2 (funnily enough 26 hours post c-section, DTD was not v high on my list of priorities). It was then revisited at every MW and HV check over the coming weeks and hammered home at my 8w check up. Having politely informed them all on every occasion that I didn’t want the pill or the coil and was happy using condoms I then got a separate call from the local sexual health nurse who booked me an appointment “just to discuss it further”.

I am a well educated, professional 33 year old woman who understands how the birds and the bees work and had anyone had more than a cursory glance at my medical file, they would have seen that I had a hell of a struggle to conceive DC2 so the chances of me getting pregnant accidentally are vanishingly low.

Bombaloorina · 21/09/2021 21:05

I’m not knocking them - as I said upthread, we used them without incident.

But a HCP is always going to be coming at it from a ‘bigger picture’ perspective - knowing full well that while condoms are very effective in theory, they’re (statistically) significantly less so in practice.

InnPain · 21/09/2021 21:20

I’ve been getting asked about contraception non stop at my midwife appointments but it’s perhaps to be expected as I’m currently pregnant. Still feel like it’s a very awkward conversation. I know I need to use something if I don’t want to be pregnant so I’ll ensure I do in my own time.

plinkplinkfizzer · 21/09/2021 21:27

@Bombaloorina

or take it [the pill] at the wrong time, whilst in the throes of passion.

Yes, it’s a common issue, people interrupting sex to … take their pill. Grin

See I forgot to take my pill on Wedding day . We were lucky though , never got caught .
Kljnmw3459 · 21/09/2021 21:32

I was always being told to look into getting a coil. Don't know why. I told we were using condoms although sometimes I did have the injection and for the past 2.5 years I've used the implant, which I can't wait to get rid of.

Thesearmsofmine · 21/09/2021 21:33

Yes I find it odd how they dislike condoms. After my third baby I was asked so many times and encouraged to use longer term menthols of contraception despite me saying DH was going to have a vasectomy so I was happy to use condoms in the interim.
I was very glad at my most recent smear to be able to say DH has had the snip so we didn’t have to go into it all.

riverpebbles · 21/09/2021 21:38

GPS are (or were?) financially incentivised to get women on the Mirrna coil. www.google.com/amp/s/www.imperial.ac.uk/news/146546/gp-incentive-scheme-increases-long-term-reversible/amp/

oatlattetogo · 21/09/2021 21:51

@Bombaloorina

Condoms are notoriously unreliable, and while they work for you, they are the cause of many unplanned pregnancies.

This forum alone is littered with women who’ve had unplanned pregnancies.

I’m not knocking you - we used them for a while, post-DC, pre-vasectomy.

I was told by a HCP that they’re fine if a pregnancy isn’t the end of the world. The issue is that people don’t always use them properly - or at all - in the heat of the moment, which decreases their effectiveness.

You might be happy with your contraception choice, but not all women always are, or are even aware of the alternatives. Which is why HCP ask.

I think that’s really unhelpful and inaccurate advice from the HCP to be honest. When they’re used correctly condoms are 98% effective, so far from notoriously unreliable and only OK if a pregnancy isn’t the end of the world. Of course lots of people won’t be at perfect usage but that’s the same for lots of forms of contraception. Every woman I know who has admitted to having an unplanned pregnancy was on the pill! If people decide not to use them at all in the heat of the moment then that’s a person error, not a condom error. Obviously they are 0% effective if you don’t use them at all...
PoolNooodle · 21/09/2021 22:01

I do find it odd that people are saying condoms are the least reliable?! Everyone I know who has had an unplanned pregnancy was on the pill and I’ve known a few people who got pregnant with the coil, don’t know anyone personally that has got pregnant when using condoms so I’m surprised to hear they are the least reliable

OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 22:07

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4023795-GP-cash-incentive-to-promote-long-acting-contraceptives

This thread is interesting. I was forced to accept contraception I didn't want when I attended nurse practitioner appointments and GP appointments for totally unrelated reasons (strep throat, depression, IBS). I had to be extremely strong with several different nurse practitioners regarding not wanting the mirena coil, or indeed any coil. I honestly felt like I was in a timeshare presentation.

On one occasion I was 20, at university and working in health and social care for extra cash. I'd taken an elderly service user to an appointment about her kidneys and a new medical approach that was being implemented. The appointment happened to be with the same man who was MY GP but who I'd only met once or twice. He congratulated me on being "bright" and asked me of my career plans, was I a medical student? I explained I wasn't and told him of my ambitions. "I hope you've got contraception sorted. You don't want a brat ruining your plans, disgusting things!" In front of the service user. I knew a pregnancy would be distastrous at that point in my life, I was working hard and most hours which not much downtime, didn't fancy anyone on my course, worked with women only, so I'd decided to be celibate until I'd graduated. It was the only way to 100 % avoid pregnancy. So I didn't need that discussion. Especially not at an appointment that I was attending as a carer, not for myself. He continued to badger me. The lady was confused and unaware of the conversation or much of what was going on. I eventually said "I'm avoiding all of that until after I've qualified. No risk of pregnancy here."

He replied, "No need for that, here let me write you a script. Take this and you'll be good to go tonight. Enjoy yourself, you're only young once!" and handed me a script (for Microgynon coincidentally).

So inappropriate.

And not the last time, with him and other HCPs.

The mirena coil was pushed on me SO many times. And at inappropriate times. The first time when I was a virgin with no boyfriend on the horizon.

I'm lucky enough to have a friend who's relative is a GP, and when I did need to discuss gynae issues and wanted to feel informed of all my choices, spoke to me off the record and with complete honesty. She told me what the practice nurse would most likely try and push on me. She asked a few questions, made me feel at ease, knew that if I found the right relationship, I wouldn't want to delay TTC and that it was important for me to use something that would lead to a swift return to ovulation and regular cycles. She knew about family stroke risk and a hormonal imbalance (excess oestrogen) that could increase cancer risk and for which certain brands of contraception would pose a greater risk to me and she knew of past abuse and trauma history which would mean the coil would most likely never be appropriate unless I really was insistent it was what I wanted. She actually said she wouldn't recommend the coil to women who hadn't given birth as it was invasive to insert and remove and wasn't always appropriate, unless it was the woman's choice and their preffered form of contraception.

The GP and nurses didn't ask me any questions at all and always made me feel bad for saying "no thank you".

girlmom21 · 21/09/2021 22:12

@PoolNooodle

I do find it odd that people are saying condoms are the least reliable?! Everyone I know who has had an unplanned pregnancy was on the pill and I’ve known a few people who got pregnant with the coil, don’t know anyone personally that has got pregnant when using condoms so I’m surprised to hear they are the least reliable
That's because people who use condoms for regular contraception tend to get pregnant when they 'forget' to use them when they get carried away.
Antsinyourpanta · 21/09/2021 22:15

The last time I spoke with the gp re contraception she was very enthusiastic about the mirena coil. to the point she barely acknowledged any other forms of contraception My DH went to the Dr to ask about having a vasectomy and he was fobbed off and it was suggested I get the mirena coil.
I've resisted so far!

OrlandointheWilderness · 21/09/2021 22:17

I had such a horrible conversation with the doctors receptionist after finishing my first lot of the pill that I now buy it online (from a proper pharmacy lol!).

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 21/09/2021 22:18

I've always found them a bit funny when you say 'nothing' (i.e. nothing hormonal/implant), the eyebrow goes up so then I feel compelled to say condoms, which feels like oversharing & unnecessary, then they still don't look very impressed! There is a stigma about it

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