Shamed at the Duck pond.

[GiveMeAUserName123]

Took my kids to the duck pond today as we accidentally let close to a whole loaf of bread go mouldy. Instead of waste it I thought we could give it to the ducks…..well!

Got there and there was a mum, who if you was to judge on the spot came across as one of those perfect, kind, loving hippy mums with polite kids, she was handing her children what could only be described as real duck feed, they were pellet like and brown.

Also there across the pond was a dad with his young kid, about 4, throwing in peas from a brown kfraft box that has obviously been recycled.

Then us, I’m married, but if you was to judge there and then, a single mum, standing there with her two kids throwing bread into the pond out of the plastic wrapper, with (very slight) mould. Completely inorganic and clearly not saving the world.

The young 4 year old said “ducks don’t eat bread” to his dad who was in ear shot of us, he replied that they do sometimes eat bread as he was obviously being polite to us.

Since when did parents become so perfect?

Just felt like a huge fail as we crossed back over the bridge to read a sign that said “bread kills ducks.”

(My kids didn’t notice the sign thank god!)

🤦🏼‍♀️ Fail

My friend fed them tortilla wraps one day..

@Doggiedementia

Yeah as a single mother who used to take her kids to the duck pond (when they were young) I’m really bloody upset too.

What am I supposed to look like? Is there a sign on my forehead? Do I have to carry a bell? What? So that others can judge me the better?

If this has really bloody upset you, God help you. Maybe it could have been worded better but I think the point OP was trying to make was that some single mums do get judged, although probably not on this occasion. I was a single mum myself for years and yeah, you do get judged at times whether you like it or not. I don't think OP has said anything intentionally bad about single parents.

Moldy bread to ducks 🦆 why bother.

This post is bizarre...nobody judged you and you're acting really judgemental

[quote sittingonacornflake]@coodawoodashooda same here. My son has only just this week started asking about his dad (who doesn't seem him, wanker) and I'm feeling all kinds of emotional about it. I think that's why that post really got to me today. It's the type of thing I usually shrug off as ignorant and small minded.

I hope you have a better week next week [/quote]
Thank you Cornflakes. There are so many invisible penalties for having married a bastard and then having the good fortune of being able to divorce him. Even feeding the ducks now... Ffs. Op if you could only imagine how hard it is. I honestly feel like ive been branded.

Don’t worry OP, I never knew that bread for ducks was the equivalent of sultanas and yoghurt for kids. My kids always fed ducks bread. Then one day when I grabbed an emergency load from supermarket (usually use baker bread only), I saw some me if the packets had a picture of a duck with a cross through it and some had a picture of duck and tick with the words ‘duck safe’. Guessing it was marketing but first time I stopped and thought ‘huh, can ducks not have bread’.

Alright Judgy McJudgerson....... flash that wedding ring next time you're delving into a plastic bag full of mouldy bread.........

Bread is fine. Mouldy bread really isn't.

Got there and there was a mum, who if you was to judge on the spot well don't. Just stop judging people.

@AmDillDandin

Why would you have been judged as a single parent, but not the other woman, or indeed the man?

Exactly

I do need to get out more!!!

Just messaged my friends and they knew not to feed bread to ducks- I just can’t believe it- how did I never hear about this in general life, I feel like I’ve woken up in a weird world where you don’t feed bread to ducks 😂 I didn’t even realise that they actually ate much else rather than vegetation in the pond.
Who knew ducks are peas!

And you are STILL ignoring the offence you have caused to single mums.

The ducks come to you because white bread is like junk food for ducks. They love it but it's not good for them.

Why is it relevant if you were married or a single parent?! Would it have made a difference? I'm not sure why you felt shamed? Because a 4 year old pointed it out? I have an autistic son who likes rules. If there was a sign to say no bread and someone was using bread to feed them, he'd probably point it out to - just because rules are important to him. Not sure what the dad even said to upset you? Confused.

You decimated your post the minute you mentioned single mothers and your stereotypical view of them. Now you're trying to be the class clown about it. Maybe think before you post next time, every single lone parent or single parent out there is a bloody warrior.

No-one commented on what you were doing.
You have imagined the whole thing.

And when someone does pick someone else up on doing something they shouldn’t be doing, why can’t people just accept it rather than using this ‘shaming’ phrase…it gives the suggestion that there is nothing/anything can/should ever be picked up on….and that anything and everything is acceptable.

Stop comparing yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy. By comparing yourself, you lost the enjoyment of duck feeding with your children.

It’s your issue, not theirs if you compare everything and either decide you’re an inferior mother, or worse still that they’re thinking that.ll.when in honesty, they won’t have noticed you or given you enough thought to form judgements.

"Who knew ducks are peas!"

Oh dear, you are confused aren't you?

"I'm married but looked like a single mum"

The shame of it

I think the only one doing the shaming is you!

Yeah, I don't see where anyone shamed you? It's also fairly well known that ducks dont eat bread. It fills them up and doesn't have the right nutrients, a quick Google search will tell you that.

Also, there's nothing wrong with being a single mum.

@FriedasCarLoad

I was one of other people, last week, if you see what I mean.

Married mother of two, happy baby wrapped on my back, happy toddler skipping alongside me, little tupperware pot of oats for the ducks, daughter identifying different breeds/sex of ducks, as well as various berries for foraging. I probably looked smug and judgemental.

The reality is that I'd been battling suicidal thoughts all week, that I felt like the worst mother and wife in the world, and that all my judgement was directed at myself.

I bet I looked really together, but I'd been seriously considering leaving my children motherless and making my husband a widower. Without meaning to sound like a competitive parent, I'm pretty sure I failed harder than you did .

Oh lovely, how are you doing now? Are you getting some help?

I'm sure you looked lovely & happy with your two small children. It just goes to show we don't know what's going on with the people around us, even the ones that look like they have it all going on!

Take care of yourself. You know you're their whole world! Xx

Hmmm
Single mother comment was a bit pants OP. Especially in a post writing about how it feels to be ashamed.

Have a think.

Secondly - the bread. If i wasn't a MNer i wouldn't know about the ducks and bread thing. I read about it on here about 18 months ago.

Most things which used to be normal and fun when we were kids are different these days. We've learned things along the way. That's just the way the world works.

No one shamed you but what exactly is wrong with looking like a single mum?

@Geamhradh

And aside from not knowing that bread isn't very good for birds, how did it possibly occur to you that food that had gone mouldy would be OK?

This, to be honest.

And you're coming off judgmental.

I’m not addressing doggie because I haven’t said anything wrong - you are clearly knit picking the post and trying to be offended. I don’t have time for people who can get worked up over absolutely nothing and pick out bits out or context to make themselves upset for no reason. If that’s your thing that’s fine, but it’s not mine.

The post is about being at the duck pond and not knowing you can’t feed bread when everyone else got the memo.

As clearly stated all the other parents there was also alone.