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Original poster

Just dropped off DD at school and feel awful

112 replies

ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 08:58

DD started reception last week and has done really well esp. given that she's naturally very shy.

She wanted two plaits this morning so I did them. She then pulled them off when she was in the car (think she complained that the hair bands were too tight) which really annoyed me, since by this time we were already in a hurry. So when we got to school I told her we didn't have time to do her plaits again (which is true, though we may have made it in the nick of time had I swifter fingers) and just did a quick tie back. She was a bit upset by this. She then complained of being cold (I didn't put a jumper on her as she has eczema prone skin so is best kept cool, I thought if she had a jumper on she might forget to take it off when it gets hot). She went in without tears but I can tell she's not happy.

I just felt like an awful parent when I left for a) being cross with her for pulling off her plaits b) not trying to give her a plait at the school gates c) sending her in without a jumper.

I know these all seem minor but I keep worrying that this doesn't set her off for a good start for the school day and she'll be upset. Obviously lesson learnt that I should leave more time for the morning school run so that we have enough time for emergencies!!

OP posts:

Beautiful3 · 13/09/2021 10:44

Don't worry about it, she'll soon warm up. She'll be glad not to have one on, by playtime. They run around and get hot and sweaty. At least she learned a lesson, pulling her braids out at the last minute means she gets a simple pony tail. Don't worry, you're doing great.

GoWalkabout · 13/09/2021 10:44

Part of starting school is starting to have to contain and manage their own emotions and needs, not having mum predicting every possibility and fixing everything. That's how we grow. You did fine, a very reasonable authoritative parent, don't criticise your so much though.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/09/2021 10:50

If she has a disability such as eczema then the school should adjust the dress code for her in terms of a cardigan.

My dd had awful eczema at that age, but we had pure cotton jumpers for her. Sometimes l would stitch a pure silk lining in the sleeves.

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Fluffypastelslippers · 13/09/2021 10:51

@GoWalkabout

She was trying to manage her own needs. She wanted her jumper because she was cold.

starfishmummy · 13/09/2021 10:54

@peboh

As an adult with eczema, I can honestly state that cold dry air is much worse for the skin.

Everyone is different. I assume the OP knows what works for her DC.

starfishmummy · 13/09/2021 10:57

@ponderingthisthing I'm sure she'll be fine! As someone else says she needs to learn to manage her own needs...

Fluffypastelslippers · 13/09/2021 11:00

[quote starfishmummy]@ponderingthisthing I'm sure she'll be fine! As someone else says she needs to learn to manage her own needs...[/quote]
I really do feel like this is deliberately missing the point. The child is what? 4? 5? She was trying to manage her own needs. The jumper she asked for, due to being cold, was not available because mum decided she wouldn't need it. For a reception age child asking for their jumper when cold is an absolute example of managing her own needs. She will never learn to do it though of the jumper isn't available.

Fink · 13/09/2021 11:03

for you, it's a tough time getting used to school, but she'll be fine and so will you.

With the hair, it can be uncomfortable to sit in a car seat with certain hairstyles as they prevent you from putting your head properly on the headrest. I would suggest that if she wants anything which requires a high up bobble (pony tail, plaits in a pony tail, pig tails, half pony tail etc., basically anything except a low pony tail or plait without pony tail which starts at the neckline rather than on the head), you leave earlier and do it when you park up rather than before leaving home. Because she'll spend the rest of the day with her head free (not pushed up against anything), but it's just in the car that it will be uncomfortable.

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 13/09/2021 11:04

She will be fine. Absolutely fine.

You’ll have those mornings where your patience is completely gone and you can’t wait till they go and they’ll go off upset. You'll then immediately miss them. You’ll be upset too. You’ll then fret. They will then come home happy as Larry.

Children have the ability to rip out your heart and stand on it. Then the next day you’ll offer up your heart again.

rainbowstardrops · 13/09/2021 11:06

I'm sure she'll be fine once she's distracted by the other children etc.
Going forward, I'd ask her if her hair feels ok but make it clear that if she takes her plaits out then she'll have to just have a pony tail.
I'd also send her in with her jumper but make the staff aware of her eczema so that they can check she's warm enough during the day.
Does she at least have a little foldable rain jacket or something? I work in an infant school and it's incredible how many times it rains at playtime and the amount of children that haven't even been sent in with a light jacket!

Tal45 · 13/09/2021 11:08

I expect she'll have gone in and be kept so busy with all the things going on that she'll forget all about it. If she wanted the plaits kept she shouldn't have pulled them out to be honest, she could have just asked you to adjust the bands when you arrived if they were too tight. I wouldn't worry she'll soon perk up I'm sure and will have forgotten all about it by the time she comes out, I'd let her take a jumper in her bag though just in case she does get a bit chilly.

Plumtree391 · 13/09/2021 11:10

Cotton sweatshirts are a good alternative to jumpers and come in lightweight or thick. Others have suggested a cardigan, a good idea.

I can't wear wool, it makes me itch, but would have thought school uniform jumpers would be made from a man made fibre.

Anyway I hope your daughter isn't cold today, bless her. It's 19/14 degrees here today on the edge of SE London.

MrsRobbieHart · 13/09/2021 11:10

OP you are giving yourself an absolute hiding over nothing!

Please stop beating yourself. Life gives us enough of a kicking, you don’t need to make up reasons to do it to yourself.

Yours, mother of teens

QueenFreesia2021 · 13/09/2021 11:12

If you are worried then hand a jumper into the office for her. That’s what I would do.

In future - if it’s warmer then we always have a jumper or light jacket in the school bags.

Today is 13 degrees and my DC have gone with their cardigans on and a jacket in their bag.

GoodnightGrandma · 13/09/2021 11:16

Is it a jumper or a sweatshirt ? I couldn’t wear wool when I had eczema as a child, it itched.
I still can’t wear woolly scarves now.

SoftSheen · 13/09/2021 11:20

Hand her jumper into the school office, and they will take it to her.

Greygreenblue · 13/09/2021 11:20

@peboh

As an adult with eczema, I can honestly state that cold dry air is much worse for the skin.

I’m an adult with eczema and when it is flaring on/under my arms I do choose to go cold over itchy sometimes. Everyone has different triggers.

My eldest also used to forget to take her jumper off in what I think is our equivalent of reception (first year of primary school). She kept coming home red faced and uncomfortable still in it. Then she started taking it off and leaving it behind to the point I sent her to school with no jumper when it was cold because we had none left at home (I thought it might motivate her to find some of them. She came home with 3 that day)

mumwon · 13/09/2021 11:26

old fashioned but is she wearing a cotton camisole type vest? It won't make her too hot but should keep her from getting chilled

Original poster

ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 11:27

@GoodnightGrandma

Is it a jumper or a sweatshirt ? I couldn’t wear wool when I had eczema as a child, it itched. I still can’t wear woolly scarves now.

It's a sweatshirt, a little bit fleecy inside.

They will be given a book bag but no school bags yet (odd concept to me). If they had a school bag then I could have just popped the extra layers in, as in nursery.

OP posts:

GoodnightGrandma · 13/09/2021 11:29

If you’re concerned that she might get cold, do as a pp said and drop it into the office for her. I occasionally had to do that when mine forgot stuff.

Peanutsandchilli · 13/09/2021 11:37

The jumper was in the car. I'd have dropped her off at school, gone back and got the jumper and given it to a teacher/office staff to give to her. Sometimes I think common sense goes out of the window on here.

CoralBells · 13/09/2021 11:45

It'll be warmer now than it was this morning by break time so she'll be fine

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 13/09/2021 11:46

@Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday

She will be fine. Absolutely fine.

Children have the ability to rip out your heart and stand on it. Then the next day you’ll offer up your heart again.

Exactly this.

She'll be fine, but (many years in) I still feel edgy all day if either of mine go into school feeling rubbish. In my head I'm pretty sure it's all blown over, but I don't relax until I collect them and can see for myself that they're fine.

mayblossominapril · 13/09/2021 11:52

I send DS with the sweatshirt in his bag. Would vests work? As it gets chillier I put a vest on DS as he hates sweatshirts and it does make a difference.
I plait my hair and have done for many years, if I pull it too tight at the beginning of the plait its uncomfortable. The trick is to do an inch or so of braid and then plait tighter. If the hair is wet the plait needs to be a little looser than if the hair was dry.

unim · 13/09/2021 11:55

You'll be fine. She'll be fine.

If it will make you feel better, could you pop back to the school with a jumper?

Tomorrow you can always leave that bit more time and ask about how she wants her hair done. I absolutely know what you mean about feeling rotten about how the morning has gone - but in my experience my child has always forgotten about it quickly and I am the one who has been carrying the weight of the 'bad' morning all day!

You will definitely get into a good routine soon, these are just teething troubles!

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