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Original poster

Just dropped off DD at school and feel awful

112 replies

ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 08:58

DD started reception last week and has done really well esp. given that she's naturally very shy.

She wanted two plaits this morning so I did them. She then pulled them off when she was in the car (think she complained that the hair bands were too tight) which really annoyed me, since by this time we were already in a hurry. So when we got to school I told her we didn't have time to do her plaits again (which is true, though we may have made it in the nick of time had I swifter fingers) and just did a quick tie back. She was a bit upset by this. She then complained of being cold (I didn't put a jumper on her as she has eczema prone skin so is best kept cool, I thought if she had a jumper on she might forget to take it off when it gets hot). She went in without tears but I can tell she's not happy.

I just felt like an awful parent when I left for a) being cross with her for pulling off her plaits b) not trying to give her a plait at the school gates c) sending her in without a jumper.

I know these all seem minor but I keep worrying that this doesn't set her off for a good start for the school day and she'll be upset. Obviously lesson learnt that I should leave more time for the morning school run so that we have enough time for emergencies!!

OP posts:
Knitwit101 · 13/09/2021 09:51

Put a jumper in her bag in future. Then if she's cold she can go and get it.

Mornings are stressful. You'll get better at it.

SpringRainbow · 13/09/2021 09:52

I have 2 kids, and both have been upset at drop off many times. I have had a few occasions where we have had full tears and all sorts.

Whenever I have asked at pick up how they were that day, the response has always been absolutely fine.

More times than not children get over whatever it is they are upset about almost instantly.

Once they are sat down with their friends, busy doing whatever mysterious things they get up to when they are not with us, they forget all about it.

It’s only us adults that worry, fret, and feel terrible about it.

KavvLar · 13/09/2021 09:52

It sounds like you've had a tough morning, and it's hard when they first start school. It will get easier as you both get used to it, I promise. She will be okay, it's us that worry all day. Give her a big hug when you pick her up and pop the jumper in her bag for tomorrow.

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Original poster
ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 09:55

@Fluffypastelslippers

The fact is she said she was cold, you ignored her despite her rarely complaining of being cold and sent her in without the jumper. The fact that the jumper was in the car at that point wasn't really relevant.

The jumper being in the car is relevant though. If I had it with me on the walk to school I'd have given it to her when she said she was cold. But because it was in the car and time's tight, we couldn't have ran back and gone to get it.

Good point though about asking her if she's cold, maybe when we get off the car.

OP posts:
TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 13/09/2021 09:55

Most primaries aren’t so strict on uniform. Get her a cardi in the correct colour and material from a supermarket for inbetween days. Explain why. School should be fine

ancientgran · 13/09/2021 09:56

@CantChatNow

You will, at points over the next however many years, forget to give your kids shit and then feel guilty about it all day. My DD started secondary school last week and I forgot to check if she'd put a reading book in her bag so I felt worried all day that she was going to be in trouble, got to the end of the day and it was absolutely not a problem at all. Your DD might feel a bit cold today, she might be a bit bothered by it in the playground during break. It won't take up her entire day worrying about it and it really won't do to dwell unless you are in a position where you can drop a jumper in for her at the school office (and not everyone can just go back once they've done drop off!). I guess what I'm trying to say is at some point every single child will forget a jumper or a lunch box or a reading book, and they will not be traumatised by it so please don't worry!
Never ends does it. I took GS halfway to school this morning and then discovered he'd forgotten his lunch. Been doing this stuff for 45 years and still learning.
Marni83 · 13/09/2021 09:57

Oh I’ve been there op
Felt guilt all day
Collected and she’s been 100% fine and all forgotten
[ive bought a special treat when I’ve collected!)

Marni83 · 13/09/2021 09:59

I’d email school
Explain no jumper and ask if she could wear her jumper

Marni83 · 13/09/2021 09:59

Pe jumper

Original poster
ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 10:03

Thank you everyone for the kind words of reassurance. So nice to hear your perspectives. The day's brightening up and I'm feeling better about it all now. Temperature-wise I think she should be ok. Maybe a little chilly at times but not that bad. It's so true that as parents we tend to worry about our kids way more than they do about school. Good point about asking school if they're keeping the windows open in Covid times.

Re. the plaits. I did want to teach her that she shouldn't just pull them out and expect me to re do it. It's only after drop off that I started feeling guilty for maybe being too strict with her, esp. when she'd just started school! I guess it's a learning curve for both of us. And hopefully it'll be a little less stressful as we settle into the new routine.

OP posts:
Peanutbuttercupisyum · 13/09/2021 10:05

I totally wouldn’t worry!! Tbf she shouldn’t have pulled out her hair! And if she does..well then she won’t get her favourite style! I don’t know anyone who would give their dc their hairstyle at their request, only to have it pulled out and then patiently re do it all! As for the jumper thing, you were only doing what you thought was right at the time, give yourself a break. Mine are always ripping off their jumpers at any temperature over 11 degrees!

Fluffypastelslippers · 13/09/2021 10:16

[quote ponderingthisthing]@Fluffypastelslippers

The fact is she said she was cold, you ignored her despite her rarely complaining of being cold and sent her in without the jumper. The fact that the jumper was in the car at that point wasn't really relevant.

The jumper being in the car is relevant though. If I had it with me on the walk to school I'd have given it to her when she said she was cold. But because it was in the car and time's tight, we couldn't have ran back and gone to get it.

Good point though about asking her if she's cold, maybe when we get off the car.[/quote]
I meant it wasn't relevant in terms of an 'excuse' for want of a better word. It should have been with you was what I meant. Either way it's done now, you have taken some pointers from the thread and your DD will be absolutely fine today.

TheWeatherWitch · 13/09/2021 10:20

It’s cool, but not freezing today @ponderingthisthing, I’m sure your dd will be fine once she has a run around in the playground.

From what you said, she sounds whingey and that’s usually a sign they are tired. It’s tough getting used to a new and busy routine, her brain will be being stimulated which is very tiring, especially when you’re only 4.

Try a slightly earlier bedtime for a few weeks and hopefully by half term next month she will be finding her way.

tiredoftiers · 13/09/2021 10:22

It's hard op getting used to the school run, and stressful for both of you.
I've dropped mine off at school upset and have come out all smiles and had a great day after similar debates. I wouldn't give either an extra thought. Speak to her after school, and remind her not to take her hair out in the car. Find out if she was cold at school, and maybe stick a school jumper in her bag that she can pop on for future.
Most of all be kind to yourself, parenting can be hard and you're obviously a good one if this little blip this morning has you doubting yourself.

Marni83 · 13/09/2021 10:22

Oh and op… I do task children that age re whether they’re cold. They won’t stop and consider it unless freezing.

Unless it’s not bona fide warm, I always assume junker or cardi and they can take off if they are aware of being too warm.

Marni83 · 13/09/2021 10:23

I do not ask

Hellogoodbye12 · 13/09/2021 10:23

You could always drop the jumper off to school reception and they will pass it on to her if it’s bugging you that much? Then you wouldn’t have to worry about it all day.

Marni83 · 13/09/2021 10:24

I’d bring a special treat when you collect op
Or her favourite dinner
Or both!

More for your sake than hers!

Boobieboobieboobie · 13/09/2021 10:26

She will be fine! Life lesson, don’t pull you hair out on way to school.

Wineiscooling · 13/09/2021 10:27

She will be fine. I think you're stressing over nothing. Mine have gone without jumpers on cold days, without rain coat on rainy days, with jumpers on hot days, without scarves and gloves on freezing days. They've lived ! If you feel that anxious about the jumper drop it to reception but I'm sure it's not that cold, it's September. As for the hair, she will definitely get over that !

3luckystars · 13/09/2021 10:29

The hair I would not worry about but I would drop her up something warm to wear up the school now, it might be a chance to talk to them if she finds the jumper uncomfortable and come up with a plan.

I don’t know a lot about eczema but would a soft thermal under her shirt be an option if the jumper is too itchy?

We have all had mornings like this, but if a child is cold or hungry at school I would go back up to the school and put it right. All the best.

tattiehat · 13/09/2021 10:30

There'll be lots more of these type of mornings so try not to let yourself worry about it. My DD is in P2 and mornings are painful in our house, she is such a slow eater that I am constantly repeating "eat your breakfast" about 50 times, by the end my voice is usually raised as it's time to go to school by then!!
I do feel bad but don't beat myself up, as soon as she gets to school she's delighted to see her friends and waves happily!

Rosebel · 13/09/2021 10:39

Try not to worry. Every parent has this at some point in their child's school life. My oldest two are in Y9 and Y11 and I still worry about what they're doing, if they have the right equipment and uniform (though I obviously try and make them get things sorted for themselves).
Just try and work out how long things will take in the morning and then add in at least 15 minutes extra that's what I used to do.

anniegun · 13/09/2021 10:40

Don't worry about it. Everyone with young children will have days when things don't go to plan and children survive and thrive despite it. Clothes, food, drink , homework, important forms- all have been forgotten or messed up at some point with no lasting effect.

HunkyPunk · 13/09/2021 10:43

I know exactly what you mean, op. However, at the other end of the spectrum, when I felt like I’d covered every single base going - hat, sun cream, tissues, wet wipes, lip salve, gloves, scarf in winter - explanation of exactly which pocket of the bag everything was in - I swear weeks would go by when they all remained in their compartments, untouched! But I would still get complaints about cold hands/sore lips etc. at the end of the day Grin

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