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Original poster

Just dropped off DD at school and feel awful

112 replies

ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 08:58

DD started reception last week and has done really well esp. given that she's naturally very shy.

She wanted two plaits this morning so I did them. She then pulled them off when she was in the car (think she complained that the hair bands were too tight) which really annoyed me, since by this time we were already in a hurry. So when we got to school I told her we didn't have time to do her plaits again (which is true, though we may have made it in the nick of time had I swifter fingers) and just did a quick tie back. She was a bit upset by this. She then complained of being cold (I didn't put a jumper on her as she has eczema prone skin so is best kept cool, I thought if she had a jumper on she might forget to take it off when it gets hot). She went in without tears but I can tell she's not happy.

I just felt like an awful parent when I left for a) being cross with her for pulling off her plaits b) not trying to give her a plait at the school gates c) sending her in without a jumper.

I know these all seem minor but I keep worrying that this doesn't set her off for a good start for the school day and she'll be upset. Obviously lesson learnt that I should leave more time for the morning school run so that we have enough time for emergencies!!

OP posts:
worksleep · 13/09/2021 09:20

You are no alone. I dropped my daughter on reception today and cried all the way home. She refused to wear her cardigan. It's in her bag but I doubt she will bother with it even if she feels cold. She didn't sleep well and was tired and she has to go to after school club too. I just feel so guilty.

Fluffypastelslippers · 13/09/2021 09:23

She complained of being cold, despite this being rare you didn't give her the jumper? Tbh I think that's a tad over bearing and at this age she needs to be given the chance to regulate her body temperature herself.

I wouldn't feel bad though, just consider it lesson learned and listen to her going forward

Thesearmsofmine · 13/09/2021 09:23

I would drop a jumper in for her. She will most likely be fine but I would rather she had it if needed.

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Bimblybomeyelash · 13/09/2021 09:24

Whenever my child has gone through the doors upset in the morning, the teacher has always said that they were absolutely fine pretty much immediately. Even the times where I have had to peel them off me crying!

stripedbananas · 13/09/2021 09:24

She'll have forgotten all about it.

Just make sure you have a yummy treat for her when you meet her at the school gates in case she remembers when she does see you.

Poor her and her eczema and you having to try and keep it under control. You'll both figure it out

Original poster
ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 09:24

@worksleep

You are no alone. I dropped my daughter on reception today and cried all the way home. She refused to wear her cardigan. It's in her bag but I doubt she will bother with it even if she feels cold. She didn't sleep well and was tired and she has to go to after school club too. I just feel so guilty.
I sympathise. My DD slept tough the first two nights of school + had after school clubs and I really worried sending her in. But she was super excited and was absolutely fine at pickup.

I just worry about this morning as she went in a little upset, unlike before.

OP posts:
Original poster
ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 09:26

@Fluffypastelslippers

She complained of being cold, despite this being rare you didn't give her the jumper? Tbh I think that's a tad over bearing and at this age she needs to be given the chance to regulate her body temperature herself.

I wouldn't feel bad though, just consider it lesson learned and listen to her going forward

No she complained of being cold when we were very close to the school gates. By this time we were 5 mins away from the car so wouldn't have had time to turn back. Had she mentioned she was cold when we first left, I'd definitely have put the jumper on her!
OP posts:
EmeraldRaine · 13/09/2021 09:27

The thing about the plaits is madness. She had plaits, she took them out, why would you be beating yourself up about the fact your child had to go to school with a ponytail because she pulled out her own plaits?! To me that's a natural
l consequence. She could have asked you to loosen the hair bands.

worksleep · 13/09/2021 09:27

I feel you it's horrible when they go in upset. Let's hope they both have good days.

Original poster
ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 09:27

@Bimblybomeyelash

Whenever my child has gone through the doors upset in the morning, the teacher has always said that they were absolutely fine pretty much immediately. Even the times where I have had to peel them off me crying!
That's reassuring to hear! I really hope so.
OP posts:
Original poster
ponderingthisthing · 13/09/2021 09:30

@InnPain can totally relate. I guess I'm new to this school run thing and we're both learning to adjust to the new routine. I wonder if the stress lessens a bit as time goes on!

OP posts:
Beamur · 13/09/2021 09:30

She'll be fine.
Working out how best to organise school mornings is something you both have to learn.
Being a bit cold for an hour or two or while she's playing outside won't do any harm. Might be worth asking if they're continuing with having lots of windows open for Covid ventilation though - schools have been much cooler inside because of this.
It's a losing battle to get kids to wear coats and jumpers. My DD is 14 now and has survived this far.
Get yourself organised the night before. Personally we never have TV or electronics at breakfast they're just too distracting. Allow at least 10 minutes more than you think you need.
Regarding hair, you're not running a salon. There's one pick and if that's not right, it's a ponytail. End of.

Zilla1 · 13/09/2021 09:31

I'm trying to be helpful. I can see you want the best for your DD but that might not be to set up expectations and encourage behaviour that in retrospect you might regret. She has seen that she can't remove the hair bands then expect to have hair re-braided in the car.

Good luck.

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/09/2021 09:31

@crazyguineapiglady

I've worked in primary schools and have never known teachers to go and get jumpers for children from lost property if they complain of being cold so I wouldn't personally rely on that.
We usually kept spares for this kind of thing. I even had a couple of spare coats as parents would bring children in cars without them, not thinking they would have to go outside to play.
TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/09/2021 09:31

It's about 14-20 where I am today. The sort of in between weather where you don't know what to dress in...

Same here, and I sent DS in with no jumper. I know perfectly well he would take it off before the first lesson and return it to me in a dusty unworn ball at the end of the day when he comes home in his polo.

Fluffypastelslippers · 13/09/2021 09:31

No she complained of being cold when we were very close to the school gates. By this time we were 5 mins away from the car so wouldn't have had time to turn back. Had she mentioned she was cold when we first left, I'd definitely have put the jumper on her!

That's not really any better tbh. The fact is she said she was cold, you ignored her despite her rarely complaining of being cold and sent her in without the jumper. The fact that the jumper was in the car at that point wasn't really relevant. You need to be prepared and listen to your daughter.

However, like I said, just listen going forward. Ask if she wants her jumper? Take it with you when you get out of the car? Of course the time she will get cold will be out of the car.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 13/09/2021 09:35

I think you were right not to sort her hair for her. Talk to her after school and explain if the are tight you can adjust them but if she just pulls them out you won’t have time to re-do them. Mornings are stressful enough without her thinking if she pulls them out you will just re-do them every time.
Drop a jumper in if your worried but it’s not going to do any long term damage if she’s a little cold. I’ve had to send mine in without when they been lost/forgotten/ruined before.

CoralBells · 13/09/2021 09:36

You live and learn. Your dd will probably come out of school happy and you'll know next time about the jumper. It's when you continue doing the same thing again It's more of a problem. The plaits I wouldn't worry about. She did pull them out

DinosaurOfFire · 13/09/2021 09:36

Another adult with eczema and 3 kids with it- respectfully, your dermatologist sounds like they don't know what it is like to actually live with eczema. Being cold means I am more likely to scratch (and the same with my kids). If anything, they are the kids wrapped up too warm for the heat because when they have eczema they need their skin covered up with long trousers/ leggings and long sleeves. I have found that natural fibres are far better for them than polyester etc, so for eg I'll send my girls to school in leggings and socks instead of tights as there is a much higher cotton content in the leggings.

Could you drop the jumper off to the school office? Our school won't give jumpers to anyone else from lost property- for one thing, its someone elses jumper that may be claimed and for another, with current covid restrictions they can't swap equipment between children. The kids school requires that we send a coat in even if the children choose not to wear it, if I had sent my child in at 14 degrees with neither coat or jumper the school would be having a word with me at the end of the day about appropriate clothing for the school day.

The hair thing, yeah that's a natural consequence and one she will hopefully learn from, school mornings are one of the most stressful flashpoints in our house thanks to timings/ hair/ procrastination etc.

zoemum2006 · 13/09/2021 09:37

I think this is a good learning experience for your daughter: don't pull out your hair after it's been done.

I know she's only 4/5 but she's got to learn that you're not going to just fix what she messes up.

(maybe she can wear a lightweight coat until it's cold enough to wear a jumper in school).

MushMonster · 13/09/2021 09:37

Only issue here is the jumper if she is cold, but she will be ok, as it is not winter, just maybe slightly chilly in the mornings. I think you need a cardigan or something light to give to her on days like this if a jumper is too heavy.
For the rest, do not pander to her, or she will get worst. If the plaits were too tight, she should have asked you to remove them at the time you did them, or tell you to adjust them when you got to school. You did great to manage to tie her hair back.
Now, if she was mine, being this cranky may mean that she is coming down with something, like a cold or so.

Twizbe · 13/09/2021 09:37

Try not to worry.

My son has just started reception too and it's been a bigger adjustment for me than I thought it would be.

She will be ok and so will you.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 13/09/2021 09:42

I've spent many days ruminating about the school drop off if we've had 'issues' and a dc has gone in to class looking upset and sad.
I've worked myself into such a state half expecting Social Services to knock as the teacher has called them to say my child is upset and that I put a sausage roll in her lunchboxGrin.
Seriously, at the end of school, on every one of these horrible mornings, my dc have been absolutely fine.

Dentistdrama · 13/09/2021 09:44

I have these types of thoughts almost every time I drop my dd off in the morning. She started 4 weeks ago (Scotland) so she's a lot more settled than she was but I often worry I wasn't cheery enough or didn't say the right thing. I think it will all settle down. I totally empathise.

CantChatNow · 13/09/2021 09:44

You will, at points over the next however many years, forget to give your kids shit and then feel guilty about it all day. My DD started secondary school last week and I forgot to check if she'd put a reading book in her bag so I felt worried all day that she was going to be in trouble, got to the end of the day and it was absolutely not a problem at all. Your DD might feel a bit cold today, she might be a bit bothered by it in the playground during break. It won't take up her entire day worrying about it and it really won't do to dwell unless you are in a position where you can drop a jumper in for her at the school office (and not everyone can just go back once they've done drop off!).
I guess what I'm trying to say is at some point every single child will forget a jumper or a lunch box or a reading book, and they will not be traumatised by it so please don't worry!