You know you're a mum when...

[popcornfrenzy]

A bit light hearted - I've just opened the washing machine to find a lego man staring at me...no idea which kids pocket it came from

You are woken up by someone climbing into your bed and chatting brightly about their dreams/ philosophical and physical improbabilities like what if the sea squirted up the moon

Work is a luxury because you can concentrate on just one thing. Also housework if kids not in.

Yy to children impeccably turned out in Mini Boden, mum in 3 year old Marks basics with snot on

Toothpaste, fucking everywhere. Windowsills. My leggings. The wall. How, why?

Going to the beach is no longer a leisure activity but something akin to a Russian military advance.

@PollyDarton1

Your bag is full of shit.

Anyone watched the latest series of Good Girls? I laughed when they created the mum bag!

You accidentally bump your car into someone else's because you're far too enthusiastically singing baby shark to be paying full attention to the road.

When you find in your handbag a few days old half eaten egg sandwich; an apple core of indeterminate age; and a sucked on lollipop covered in fluff stuck on the bottom on the handbag.

You hear a baby crying and start to rock from side to side as if you were holding says baby and trying to soothe them

You hide chocolate in the cleaning cupboard and you do fourteen loads of laundry every day.

Your garden has random buckets of “potion” in it.

You know that the saying “silence is golden” is bollocks because silence is not golden, silence means Sharpie on the wall or, in the early years, sudocrem on child.

These are all so true-I still rock the shopping trolley & youngest is 22

Should I find myself crossing a busy road with one of my adult children I find it extremely difficult to not hold their hand. I do however sort of hold my arm across their body until safe to cross, even pointing out ' there's a car coming'! Luckily they're very sweet about it & just laugh! Our protective instinct as parents is very strong

You stay up later than you should, so that you get some time to yourself.

You get excited about a new release on Netflix... Octonauts. Except your youngest is now 8yo... but you can still remember every episode of the original few series because you had to watch them that many times, and really you could have done with this a few years back for some more variety.

@Themarvellousmrsm this made me chuckle! Ds is only 3 but I bet in the future I'm going to be just like you!

Toilet roll ends up everywhere (race track, anyone?) when it is all neatly on the roll it feels like a luxury hotel experience.

You get a rare date with your dh and spend too much of it talking about the children.

Silence coming from another room always rings alarm bells.

You go to the toilet and have a bath with an audience. If the door's closed they will have a reason to get it open.

You think nothing of lifting another human being up and sniffing their bum, then putting them back down, saying "Must have just been a trump"

@HoobleDooble

You think nothing of lifting another human being up and sniffing their bum, then putting them back down, saying "Must have just been a trump"

@HoobleDooble

I remember my OH having a hissy fit when I did this with newborn, kept saying you're smelling his shit. I'm like yeh I am hes my baby and I'm not going to get three layers of clothing off then a nappy off just to check if hes done a poo, but you can. He never did became a poo sniffer very quickly

Never mind the stones, you know you’re a granny around this time of year because there’s a rich harvest of conkers, pine cones and sundry very interesting dead leaves in your bag.

When you spend more time than you ever imagined possible thinking about other people’s poo!

@Realyorkshiretea

You know the difference between the Pontypines and the Wattingers

My kids are 14,16 and 19 and still know the difference and I can sing the songs for all the different characters. The same goes for the Teletubbies, Balamory et al. 🙄

I haven’t watched CBeebies in a long time.

@PollyDarton1

Your bag is full of shit.

And your car is full of similar shit

When some child shout loudly "mommy!" at the playground and you turning your head looking for your child.
Usually turns out that it wasn't your child.😀

(Slightly older kids) you know the names of the different youtubers and refer to the tat they sell as "merch"

When "Row Your Boat" is used to solve all scenarios.

DH's bank account was drained yesterday (police are now involved) and we found out at the counter in Sainsbury's. He was white as a sheet, shaking, and had tears in his eyes. I put my arms around him and started si going Row Your Fucking Boat. At audible volume. The cashier thought we were nuts.

@FolkyFoxFace

When "Row Your Boat" is used to solve all scenarios.

DH's bank account was drained yesterday (police are now involved) and we found out at the counter in Sainsbury's. He was white as a sheet, shaking, and had tears in his eyes. I put my arms around him and started si going Row Your Fucking Boat. At audible volume. The cashier thought we were nuts.

*singing

(As a baby) Your Tea/Coffee goes cold.

(Primary school) You gave to source a yelliw t-shirt for Sports Day with less than 24 hours notice.

(Secondary School) When you have to find new places to hide their devices to force them to do homework. The potting shed/The attic/the garage

My children are adults now but I can still produce many items from my handbag, napkins, plasters, elastic bands, wet wipes, mittens that stretch, sweeties, even found a stone in there the other day, I wonder if I'll find a stick next week wistfully remembers how easy parenting was of small children compared to the shits that are adults

When your son gets his toy cars to help Daddy explain to Mummy why parking a Land Rover is different to parking an estate car 😊.