You know you're a mum when...

[popcornfrenzy]

A bit light hearted - I've just opened the washing machine to find a lego man staring at me...no idea which kids pocket it came from

When someone at work says "Can I borrow your pen?"

And you reply with Please/Whats's the magic word/whatever you say to your kids when they don't say please!

@sunflower198

You see any emergency services vehicle and say "ooh a nee nor!" 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes!!!

You grab the hand of your 50 year old work mate as you are about to cross the road together

You cram an entire day's worth of stuff in before lunchtime.

My best friend is a single gay guy about town. We once met for brunch at 1pm on Sunday and he was floored that I'd already done a spin class and taken DS to a museum . Pre kids I would have been astounded by that too.

You lose your figure, your self esteem and your upward career trajectory . And then your teens belittle you for not having a "big job" like their father

[Sorry, you caught me at a very bad moment.]

When you have a bit of spare time and all u want to do is sleep..

A fairly large part of day is wiping bottoms, figuring out where toilets are and never being alone in the toilet. Toilets are a much bigger part of life than expected. Looking forward to kids getting bigger!

You know the difference between the Pontypines and the Wattingers

Ooh teeny tiny pontypine children.

Ooh I’ve got another one. You’ve got a sixth sense for when someone is about to puke and you know that catching it in your hands / skirt is quicker than if you let it go on the floor / child

@Tlollj

Ooh teeny tiny pontypine children.

Although they’re only small, even when there’s ten of them, they’re hardly there at all (regularly say this to DH as his whole family are short )

I so clearly remember reading this over and over to dgs. He started secondary school last week 🙃

I've nodded my way through all of these especially the bloody stones! My DD likes to pick up 'treasure' from wherever and has a stash of random stuff - I swear she's like a magpie

Realising the song you’ve been quietly humming all day at work is “I’m a little teapot.”

You time your morning routine around CBeebies. “Is that the Bing theme tune? I need to get into the shower. Octonauts? We’re late!!”

You smack your colleagues hand away as they reach round you for the freshly boiled kettle to make their cup of tea, shouting “No, HOT.”

When you finally chamber into your once neatly made bed, only to find a barbie, half a dozen hair grips, a hairbrush and a playmobile horse tucked under the duvet.

When you wait for the child to finish their lunch before you make your own, because you know that there will be half a sandwich, Cucumber sticks and possibly half a babybel that you can eat.

When you don't even question why there is a sticker of a chicken on the wall in the hall.

When you frantically lock the door behind you in the bathroom so you can poo in peace. And then cries of "I JUST NEED A POO IN PEACE" become a standard cry for everyone in the house, including the potty training toddler.

You can cut a sandwich into quarters and have a magic trick to get it perfectly into a tupper ware.

Open house at the firestation????!

The excitement 😏😅

A 1/3 of the apps on your phone are for under 10s

When you’ve barely been outside of your house past 8pm for the past 3 years

Your bag is full of shit Yes, literal shit

I didn’t know the stone obsession was a popular phase. DS always has one in his hand. He’ll scream at me if I try to take him anywhere without letting him select a stone from the driveway first. He likes taking his stones on drives and walks.

You shout 'green man' when crossing the road, before realising you don't have any children with you.

When you find yourself rocking the shopping trolley back and forward in the supermarket when it's full of food and no kids

You carry a stick in your handbag that the kid has chosen for the dog to play with ... except you don't actually have a dog. The dog is imaginary.

When you know all the words to kids TV theme tunes but don't know any current songs in the charts.
Getting pee/poop/vomit/ snot on you and it doesn't gross you out.
Shouting TRAIN out loud every time I see one pass.