You know you're a mum when...

[popcornfrenzy]

A bit light hearted - I've just opened the washing machine to find a lego man staring at me...no idea which kids pocket it came from

@Usual2usual

You spend so much time making sure your kids look neat and clean before leaving the house that you end up having to run out in a crumpled jumper and stained jeans.

This is me lol. LO always looks immaculate whereas me, well that's another story

@CelloYouveGotABass

Ooh I’ve got another one. You’ve got a sixth sense for when someone is about to puke and you know that catching it in your hands / skirt is quicker than if you let it go on the floor / child

Yes! My instinct is to stick my hand under the persons chin to catch it! Not so funny when it's your 35yo mate after a few too many wines

You eat snacks in the kitchen before returning to dc in the living room so they can’t take them off you

You can't finish a sentence/conversation because your child is asking you many many questions.

@Ultraopaque

What poobags! Hope OH was there to support you

@Ultraopaque - that's horrible. I do hope you told them that it's just you were kind enough to wipe their shitty arses!!!

Sticks. Oh my god. The sticks on one side of our porch. The stones on the other.

You have random batteries in several different drawers.

When your own dc are at school you automatically rock from side to side when talking to anyone holding a baby.

You can be up out of your bed at 3am and dressed and have driven down to the nearest A & E in under 11 mins.

@Comedycook

You're driving alone and see police horses and start squealing "oh, look horses"

Haha i do this with tractors 😂

Thank you @UrghSchool! . I am hoping it is a passing phase.

Sorry UrghSchool for emboldening fail there!

You wait for the green man before crossing the road, even when you are alone.

You point out animals in fields in the car even when your child isn't there.

You refer to yourself as mummy ("phew, mummy's knackered!") When your child isn't there.

You happily eat food that has been in your child's mouth or on their skin (ie wipe off yoghurt/chocolatewith a finger) without thinking about it.

You no longer need an alarm set for work because your child wakes at half 6 anyway.

You count the number of stairs out loud as you walk up them

@Ultraopaque

You can be up out of your bed at 3am and dressed and have driven down to the nearest A & E in under 11 mins.

Whilst also carrying an expertly packed bag of everything you'll need for a 4hr wait and possible admission. May include multiple stones and sticks and at least one favourite toy.

Yes, the stones! When you come home from a walk on the beach with pockets stuffed with special stones and shells. That no one seems interested in again.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

You find stones in your hand bag, your coat pockets, your washing machine... just basically anywhere.

You can produce plasters, napkins or wet wipes when out with friends.

I produced a plaster and antibacterial hand wipe when out with friends the other day. My children are grown up. However, I was a girl guide - “be prepared” - so the habit was obviously already ingrained long before marriage and children.

You put your hand out to hold hands, whoever you are crossing the road with. Child, friend, boss…

When you can put the kids weetabix in front of them, run to the bathroom run a bath get bathed dried dressed and back to the table just as they finish the weetabix. (under 4 minutes).

My iPhone regularly gets disabled 🙈
I once would be absolutely disgusted at having snail trails of snot on me but it's been the norm the last couple of weeks 🙈
Definitely agree with the shouting objects out excitedly even when baby is asleep or not there!

So many of these are so true 😂

There is ALWAYS a wet wipe within five paces. Genuinely our New Years resolution was not to discuss 💩 for 24 hours and we have yet to achieve it.

My PFB has just started at school. He has very complex needs and arrived at school for his first day beautifully turned out with 9 bags 😳 I got halfway there and realised I didn’t have any shoes, don’t know how my flip flops made their way into the house but it was a really embarrassing start.

Ooo. I’m still in the collecting stones and shells phase at the tender age of 47
They’re a good educational aid - youngest has just started secondary so he’s ( not) thrilled

I know I’m a mum because my house hasn’t been tidy since 2002

I found out one this week when someone at work sneezed and I said AWWW BLESS YOUUUUUU automatically

Facepalm

You know all the songs on Peppa Pig.
And sing them to calm your child.