Obsessive NOSEY NEIGHBOURS

[RamblingJenny]

Can anyone help me out, this is really effecting our quality of life.

There is a couple next door that seem to make it their priority to be nosey wherever possible with us. I only noticed how low our fence was recently because we have not long moved in and I’m busy back and fourth into the garden partially doing up the house so I have not noticed how situations are timed so they can ear wig.

I began noticing not long ago that whenever we stepped outside around a few seconds after their back door would open and the washing would immediately be hung out. Small bits of washing would be strategically placed nearer our fence when it could easily go nearer to their door.
Sometimes there’s literally 4 socks hung on the line, at the exact time when we begin talking, right near our fence.
I realised how obvious it was on a wet miserable day that the woman went and put the washing on her line as soon as we began talking outside. And it was one bed sheet or towel.
It then clicked in my head that these line drying days have been happening even on days when the weather is horrendous, rain spitting, grey clouds etc.

The walls are paper thin and whenever we have normal disagreements I feel on edge on how it might come across to them without the context.

We renewed our mortgage beginning of the year because I thought I could manage the situation but the nosey-ness is escalating and now I’m feeling really sh!t about getting a longer term which is now 5years. I should have listened to our gut but we’ve not long moved.

Now this morning my OH has left the house with the kids ready to go to Breakfast Club. We had a heated squabble last night DIY related, both lack of sleep and they must have been propped up against the wall with some popcorn because this morning said neighbour decides to water plants at literally a few seconds before we are talking saying bye to each other and reminding kids about school stuff before leaving.

This is at 7.15am.
I know it’s going to be a warm day but I have not once seen anyone do that on our road, at this house or the last.

I know this person is staying in because they loudly said in their garden to ‘come over because we’re in all day tomorrow’.

OH said eye contact was trying to be made and the watering was done on our boundary fence during the full duration of OH and kids being at our doorstep and he could feel being gawped at.

And the biggest eye opener is OH is always the first to brush something off but he rang me and said ‘yeah, that was weird’. As he is not the type to really ever confirm behaviours.

Even if we make the house more private with plants and trees I am struggling to relax knowing someone is ear wigging at every opportunity. It just feels like the type of people to report and wrongly report just for the drama, I feel completely on edge and don’t know what to do now we have renewed the mortgage.

I appreciate that there may be suggestions to wind them up by saying things but they honestly come across as the type to make a situation a 100 times worse if poked. They play their music outside ridiculously loud and I think it would be a case of them just doing more passive aggressive things if we were ever to say jokey things for them to overhear.

Another rubbish thing is we can’t just point out what they’re doing because is so underhand/covert.

Feeling really helpless and stupid.
Please help :(

@BrisbaneandGone That’s okay thanks for your reply. Like I say I’m not trying to come across as paranoid and I’m sorry if it’s come across that way.

@stairgates Thankyou so much for the suggestion, I did see this on a gardening programme recently and may invest in one thank you.

I don't understand why your mortgage is relevant?
I agree with pp advice around planting tall shrubs and improvibg your strategies for resolving your family disagreements.

I was in a cafe with a friend one day and at one stage the couple at the table beside us had very obviously stopped their conversation and were listening in to ours. Once we realised this, I started saying out loud but to my friend things like "some people really have no life that they have to take an interest in other peoples boring conversations" or "Jeez, is our conversation really that interesting to an outside party - I cant imagine how" and other such lines. They left shortly after.

I know it is different in a house as these were strangers and you can walk away from a cafe, but you could try one or two similar lines and see if they get the picture.

So your neighbours hang out washing and once watered their plants and you think they're watching you?

You do sound rather paranoid about this. You're the one monitoring the weather when they do laundry and being aware of what they can and cannot hear when you argue.

It doesn't sound as if they've actually done anything?

If I heard arguing quite a lot and there were dc in the house then I would worry. I actually think they may be concerned at what’s happening. There has been many a thread about people worried about shouting in neighbouring houses. Plus if you are doing up your house over two years they may be a bit sick of it.

How low is your fence? and have you ever had a normal conversation with them ?

I get what you mean, had similar with past neighbours. It was impossible to use the garden as she came out every time and it was hard to get any privacy. Tall fence went up as soon as we could afford it.

It just makes me sad as we both had sets of grandparents that used to bicker in a funny way, it was never aggressive and I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. But the right kind of person would see it for what it is, just a couple bickering sometimes but the wrong type of person will hear what they want to hear.

What you need to do is cultivate the 'don't give a fuck' attitude.
Obviously keep sensitive conversations out of earshot but the rest of the time carry on as normal, with the occasional pisstake directed at them.
How stupid must you be to hang washing on a day like today...
Earwiggers never hear anything good about themselves...
It must be so sad for people that can only get enjoyment from eavesdropping...

@StrongTea did it make any difference overall? I have been really friendly but they don’t want to know. Not overly in your face friendly, just the same with the other side and we get on with them no problems.

@Auntienumber8
Thanks for your reply. Sorry if it’s not clear, the housework we’ve spread out due to family bereavements (neighbours not aware). And try and time them suitably best we can.

Start talking about hiding bodies and making sure not to leave blood stains. Add in making sure your husband picks up a hacksaw on his way home.

Mention how it was a shame you had to “do something about” your last neighbours. Hopefully you won’t have to do that again as you love your new neighborhood.

Maybe the thought of them living near serial killers will deter them. Or maybe that will make them even more nosy. Who knows.

@jillandhersprite thanks Jill. We live in a terrace, but not the older ones with thick walls. So it feels a bit much from time to time but you are right I need to give less of a fig.

I get it op, I've had neighbours like this too.
These people do exist believe it or not, I don't understand why people are finding it so hard to believe.
If you're outside talking and nosey neighbour comes out, make a point of lowering your voices and keep the conversation to just every-day boring stuff.
If it's not inconvenient, then just stop the conversation altogether and go inside/whatever and finish it. Just make it clear that you know she's being a nosey bleeder, she might take a hint then.

I second the water feature idea, they do drown out a lot of sound. Alternatively your mortgage must surely be portable so as long as you don't redeem it you will be able to move to another property (with thicker walls)

I can totally relate. My solution is to find a humorous (to me) nickname for my loud and nosey neighbours and I say this to myself when ever they appear. It makes me chuckle and makes their behaviour tolerable.
My other solution is to play music or radio at a level which balances out their noise if I'm gardening.

You have to find a way of managing that suits you @RamblingJenny.
G'luck

@Notapheasantplucker Thank you for a lovely reply. I remember my childhood friends mum had something similar and eventually they moved when I was younger. Did not fully understand it back then. Sorry to hear you had something similar. Did it impact your desire to move to another property? If you don’t mind me asking 💐

@ProudAlly Thank you for taking the time to reply. I just feel put off by our last Estate Agent/sellers solicitor games. It was all really unnecessary and wanted to stay put longer :(

@MuthaFunka61 Thanks for replying. You have a great suggestion. I guess I’ve been feeling less confident from bereavements and just need to get my confidence back up perhaps.

OP, it does sound a lot like paranoia. Your neighbours could just go and sit in their garden and listen in. They don't need an excuse to go into their own garden. So realistically, it's more likely that they're genuinely doing jobs.

OH said eye contact was trying to be made and the watering was done on our boundary fence during the full duration of OH and kids being at our doorstep and he could feel being gawped at

Maybe she was waiting for him to be neighbourly so she could say “morning”.

Decide in advance some conversations you will have in the garden on fictional topics.

'Did you know there's Japanese knotweed in next door's garden?'

'Have you heard they're going to introduce wild boars and wolves into the woods by the town hall?'

'Did you throw they're going to be filming Naked Attraction on the roof of the local factory this weekend?'

'Did you see the plans for the 3-storey concrete pampas grass sculpture next door to Waitrose?'

Anything harmless but fictional will do

It's difficult to know Op whether your neighbours are really nosy or just responding to your noise. For instance them watering their plants early in the morning as your family is getting ready to leave the house - perhaps they just heard your noise and thought that as you were obviously up and about they wouldn't be disturbing you.

I'd say hi each time you see them as others have suggested so that they know that you are aware of them. But honestly I think that you might just have to put up with it.

Maybe she was waiting for him to be neighbourly so she could say “morning”.

Yeah but that's not normal behaviour when you can see that the OH is mid-conversation with the OP. It's socially awkward at best, nosey in the OH's opinion.

They do sound nosey, even if the OP has got a bit obsessed with it over the two years. It's more than possible (and maybe more likely) that the two are simultaneously true.

It's difficult to know Op whether your neighbours are really nosy or just responding to your noise. For instance them watering their plants early in the morning as your family is getting ready to leave the house - perhaps they just heard your noise and thought that as you were obviously up and about they wouldn't be disturbing you.

And hanging one sheet out on the line in the rain...?

@SoupDragon

It's difficult to know Op whether your neighbours are really nosy or just responding to your noise. For instance them watering their plants early in the morning as your family is getting ready to leave the house - perhaps they just heard your noise and thought that as you were obviously up and about they wouldn't be disturbing you.

And hanging one sheet out on the line in the rain...?

@SoupDragon exceptionally houseproud?! 😂

You sound completely paranoid and also very aware of their movements too- surely it works both ways when you live in a terrace?

Neighbour hangs out washing and waters plats on hottest day on August- shocker

To be fair I'd be mightily pissed off listening to you arguing.

I managed to make some people in the mall that were trying to get me to move tables, so they could have mine, disappear by having a very in-depth, prolonged discussion about my baby's bowel movements? Something like that every time you notice them listening in, might discourage them from enjoying your conversations?