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Original poster

Obsessive NOSEY NEIGHBOURS

81 replies

RamblingJenny · 08/09/2021 08:24

Can anyone help me out, this is really effecting our quality of life.

There is a couple next door that seem to make it their priority to be nosey wherever possible with us. I only noticed how low our fence was recently because we have not long moved in and I’m busy back and fourth into the garden partially doing up the house so I have not noticed how situations are timed so they can ear wig.

I began noticing not long ago that whenever we stepped outside around a few seconds after their back door would open and the washing would immediately be hung out. Small bits of washing would be strategically placed nearer our fence when it could easily go nearer to their door.
Sometimes there’s literally 4 socks hung on the line, at the exact time when we begin talking, right near our fence.
I realised how obvious it was on a wet miserable day that the woman went and put the washing on her line as soon as we began talking outside. And it was one bed sheet or towel.
It then clicked in my head that these line drying days have been happening even on days when the weather is horrendous, rain spitting, grey clouds etc.

The walls are paper thin and whenever we have normal disagreements I feel on edge on how it might come across to them without the context.

We renewed our mortgage beginning of the year because I thought I could manage the situation but the nosey-ness is escalating and now I’m feeling really sh!t about getting a longer term which is now 5years. I should have listened to our gut but we’ve not long moved.

Now this morning my OH has left the house with the kids ready to go to Breakfast Club. We had a heated squabble last night DIY related, both lack of sleep and they must have been propped up against the wall with some popcorn because this morning said neighbour decides to water plants at literally a few seconds before we are talking saying bye to each other and reminding kids about school stuff before leaving.

This is at 7.15am.
I know it’s going to be a warm day but I have not once seen anyone do that on our road, at this house or the last.

I know this person is staying in because they loudly said in their garden to ‘come over because we’re in all day tomorrow’.

OH said eye contact was trying to be made and the watering was done on our boundary fence during the full duration of OH and kids being at our doorstep and he could feel being gawped at.

And the biggest eye opener is OH is always the first to brush something off but he rang me and said ‘yeah, that was weird’. As he is not the type to really ever confirm behaviours.

Even if we make the house more private with plants and trees I am struggling to relax knowing someone is ear wigging at every opportunity. It just feels like the type of people to report and wrongly report just for the drama, I feel completely on edge and don’t know what to do now we have renewed the mortgage.

I appreciate that there may be suggestions to wind them up by saying things but they honestly come across as the type to make a situation a 100 times worse if poked. They play their music outside ridiculously loud and I think it would be a case of them just doing more passive aggressive things if we were ever to say jokey things for them to overhear.

Another rubbish thing is we can’t just point out what they’re doing because is so underhand/covert.

Feeling really helpless and stupid.
Please help :(

OP posts:
Original poster
RamblingJenny · 08/09/2021 08:28

Forgot to add, we’ve been really friendly with them but they’ve often been aloof and blanked us in the street from the start.
We’ve been here for 2 years but they just don’t want to know us and haven’t from the start. Just seem committed to play big brother instead.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 08/09/2021 08:32

If you re arguing a lot and have children they are maybe just concerned about how safe you and the children are?

If that is not the case then I would just ignore them completely and look to increase the height of the boundary between your gardens with another fence or some planting.

Sleepyquest · 08/09/2021 08:32

They need to get a life!

I have no advice as not been in this situation although I feel my neighbour knows everything about everyone and worry she listens to me in the garden but nowhere to this extreme.

In all honesty, I'd move. No one wants to live their life as if they're on camera. You must feel like you're on a reality tv show. I feel for you, it must be exhausting x

ApolloandDaphne · 08/09/2021 08:33

Also, you have hardly 'not long moved in' if you have been there for two years.

SoupDragon · 08/09/2021 08:35

The walls are paper thin

I would be having a loud conversation about how the neighbours are always listening and putting washing out/watering plants whenever you step outside.

ThreeKneeRepeater · 08/09/2021 08:36

Are you sure you’re not being just as nosey, OP? You seem to be aware of their every move.
Just ignore them.

AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii · 08/09/2021 08:37

@SoupDragon

The walls are paper thin

I would be having a loud conversation about how the neighbours are always listening and putting washing out/watering plants whenever you step outside.

This^^ I would just have a conversation with your DH loudly as possible about how weird they are and they need to mind their own, either that or play them at their own game
SoupDragon · 08/09/2021 08:37

@ThreeKneeRepeater

Are you sure you’re not being just as nosey, OP? You seem to be aware of their every move. Just ignore them.
Surely it's hard not to be aware of their every move if they appear just after you set foot outside every single time...
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 08/09/2021 08:38

i would give them something to think about? Have you thought about naturism or swinging, but then I'm evil like that Grin

GADDay · 08/09/2021 08:38

I think you might be obsessing about them just as much as they are about you.

Honestly, why do you even care?

SoundBar · 08/09/2021 08:44

Report?

It sounds like you and DH are arguing a lot, it could be that the neighbours are concerned about the DC wellbeing in amongst that. That would not be unreasonable. It would be on you and DH not to argue like that as it does create a horrible environment for the DC and if reported could trigger a police visit, rightly so.

If you need help, get it before that happens. Prioritise sleep, clearly state to DH you will not be raising voices to each other at all any more, if there is a disagreement it has to be done calmly or else both of you need to be in separate rooms to calm down and ideally one of you go for a walk to clear their head. Get family childcare support or pay for additional childcare etc.

SheilasBroomIsLonger · 08/09/2021 08:46

Two options and it is up to you how confrontational you wish to be. You could talk about your pretend parent's neighbours and how nosey they are, listening in to all conversations or instead say it is the current neighbours.

Alternatively look into adding soundproofing to the walls but be prepared to lose some room space and sort out the skirting and any coving.

I would also think about how you and your OH communicate. Are you able to discuss contentious things without squabbling?

BettySweaty · 08/09/2021 08:49

@SoupDragon

The walls are paper thin

I would be having a loud conversation about how the neighbours are always listening and putting washing out/watering plants whenever you step outside.

Exactly this Grin

We have nosy neighbours also. I've moved the garden table so we can eat outside without being watched. They are a pain, but we ignore them. Grow some stuff up a trellace, I've looked on the gardening programmes to see what others do.

We have commented when we have people in the garden about the voyeurs next door, just for a bit of fun. I would say, just don't take them seriously, they won't change. Try not to let it stress you outFlowers

Original poster
RamblingJenny · 08/09/2021 08:49

@ApolloandDaphne Thanks for replying. I didn’t mean it to come across as constantly arguing, we have the odd debate or disagreement here or there like everyone else, our other neighbours on the other side have never shown any concern. I say not long moved in because it doesn’t feel like the longest time to us personally as it took us half a year to get settled in. I guess some people would call it a while but others would not.

OP posts:
CottonSock · 08/09/2021 08:54

You sound a bit paranoid sorry.

Mariell · 08/09/2021 08:56

Maybe previous neighbours were horrendous and their was domestic violence so they are keeping a look out.

It seems to me that you are reading a lot into their behaviour.

When she hangs out just socks and you honestly think it’s just to earwig, why don’t you pop your head over the fence and start talking about your very boring digestion problem, potholes in local roads or something equally boring. Or even start asking her how long she’s lives there, what’s that flower in her garden, where does she get her hair done blah blah blah! Don’t let her get a word in edgeways.

This may be enough to stop her from popping out when she sees you outside as she won’t want to be collared by you.

Mariell · 08/09/2021 08:56

There

Original poster
RamblingJenny · 08/09/2021 08:56

Thanks everyone for the replies, no we’re not invested in them at all.
I hear their back door when ours is open and I’m in the kitchen, and I/we don’t go outside.
Thanks for the soundproofing idea, might look into the costs. Still have the situation with the garden/outside but will have to live with it for now.

OP posts:
SukonthaM · 08/09/2021 08:59

People are nosy op. I’m not sure what a ‘heated squabble’ is tbh, I’m guessing something like angry shouting? If I heard my neighbours shouting at each other in the garden then I’d be listening in too, especially if I know there’s children present. You could solve this by finding less aggressive (and loud) methods to solve your disagreements.

Original poster
RamblingJenny · 08/09/2021 08:59

@CottonSock I don’t mean to come across as paranoid, I’m just asking for any solutions to improve the situation as someone else may have been in something similar.

OP posts:
Original poster
RamblingJenny · 08/09/2021 09:02

@SukonthaM Hi suko thanks for replying. No heated squabble in the garden just inside doing diy at a reasonable hour and having a disagreement, I’m not very good at describing I’m not saying argument sorry.

OP posts:
BrisbaneandGone · 08/09/2021 09:02

@CottonSock

You sound a bit paranoid sorry.
Yeah this, can't see what the point of them hanging out washing when you're outside is...it's not like they are trying to engage you in conversation. They haven't actually done anything
WeddingBella · 08/09/2021 09:07

When we had nosy neighbours in our previous house, we used to cheerfully start a conversation with them every time they came outside. It meant we weren't having private conversations that they could over hear and by speaking to them, they knew we knew they were there IYSWIM? Basically we chit chatted away until it was clear they had done their watering / weeding / putting rubbish out etc so it was just awkward if they didn't go back in. Plus it made us appear very neighbourly and nice.
It didn't stop everything because they were always aware of which car was outside and when / if we were out late etc but it made it more manageable for us.

averylongtimeago · 08/09/2021 09:07

Good fences make good neighbours.
If your fence is low, put up a higher one. Plant a few strategic trees to block the view of your seating area from their windows.
Then ignore them.

They might be a bit odd, but they aren't doing anything other than appear to be listening are they?

stairgates · 08/09/2021 09:08

Can you get a loudish water gfeature to run down the boundary in the garden, a bit of a small waterfall and some wind chimes, drown them out.