ADHD diagnosed as an adult. How do you cope?

[FanGirlFoof]

Has anyone else been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, if so, how do you cope? Medication, therapy, self management?

When I look back on my life, it makes perfect sense.

I was diagnosed recently. I'm 35. I haven't taken any medication, not sure if I will. But I've found it ever so helpful just to have an explanation for the some of the things I do and the way I feel. I cut myself more slack now, rather than labelling myself as an over-emotional procrastinating fuck-up

I was diagnosed in April this year , can't do meds at the moment as I'm pregnant and was diagnosed in the first trimester 😅😅 in the mean time I just try and be kind to myself, I know there is a reason that I'm not always productive and beating myself up over it was damaging to my mental health. I use alarms to remind me of important things and I bribe myself a lot lol

I’m 49. I was originally diagnosed in my mid-30’s with newborn twins and a 2y/o, a traumatic upbringing, no family support, newly moved to a distant town and a DH who travelled a LOT for work. I was put on meds, and weirdly enough, they didn’t really help with organization. They were also the sort of meds you have to remember to take four times a day. What a joke! I have started studying again, and have realised that I need the assistance. Decided to be re-assessed and have been diagnosed with ADHD inattentive disorder. I am on a slow-release medication that I take in the morning and one at night to help my anxiety. A lot of the anxiety, etc I was previously blaming on menopause, but I think it’s been burbling away for years. I am still me, but with a lot less self-sabotage. I do have a lovely doctor who gets it, too.

I've been diagnosed, but can't tolerate the methylphenidate medication and couldn't afford the none stimulant stuff, so I'm not medicated.

Luckily I'm retired so don't have to cope at work anymore as I had a breakdown due to it. I stick to my routines and don't take on anything extra and my life is very basic and simple. I do struggle with the boredom and I get depressed so take antidepressants. I use Apps to help me keep track of money and spending etc. I can't talk to people and don't have a social life or hobbies outside the home. I think the restlessness and boredom are the hardest things to cope with. I have low expectations of my life and try not to beat myself up about my numerous shortcomings.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and had a bad reaction to the meds, so I mostly cope with it by not taking the diagnosis seriously.

I was diagnosed 15 years ago - how do I get medication?

My diagnosis was via a private educational psychologist, do I need to wait 400 years for an NHS diagnosis. I have previously told my GP I haf a diagnosis but she did nothing and it's only recently I have found out medication is prescribed for adults as well as children.

Oh and, how do I cope? I don't. I continue to fail at everything so it's not exactly going well......

Big whiteboard & did some support group - type courses. Read up a lot. Excellent DH.

Mainly keep things fairly simple. That's a privilege tho.

Can't get medication as GP won't do shared care. Might go private at some point.

Interested in this as I suspect DP has ADHD and he's open to the suggestion. Did you all go to your GP for diagnosis?

@Fromage

I was diagnosed 15 years ago - how do I get medication?

My diagnosis was via a private educational psychologist, do I need to wait 400 years for an NHS diagnosis. I have previously told my GP I haf a diagnosis but she did nothing and it's only recently I have found out medication is prescribed for adults as well as children.

An educational psychologist can’t diagnose ADHD.

@Fromage

Oh and, how do I cope? I don't. I continue to fail at everything so it's not exactly going well......

Same here x

I have been self medicating with alcohol for years and started going to AA. I got talking to an "old timer" and he mentioned that a lot of people drink to self medicate mental health issues, so I started reading up and then went to my GP.

I think I was missed as a child as I was quite intelligent and got into Uni etc. Also, it wasn't widely recognised in the 80s / 90s.

I struggle to maintain relationships with friends as well as partners due to my inability to control my emotions - think little outbursts, although I'm not violent. I also don't really see the point of friends. I attract bad partners - one was commitment phobic and a bully the other is an alcoholic.

@gnarlyauldboiler

I've been diagnosed, but can't tolerate the methylphenidate medication and couldn't afford the none stimulant stuff, so I'm not medicated.

Luckily I'm retired so don't have to cope at work anymore as I had a breakdown due to it. I stick to my routines and don't take on anything extra and my life is very basic and simple. I do struggle with the boredom and I get depressed so take antidepressants. I use Apps to help me keep track of money and spending etc. I can't talk to people and don't have a social life or hobbies outside the home. I think the restlessness and boredom are the hardest things to cope with. I have low expectations of my life and try not to beat myself up about my numerous shortcomings.

Do you have a partner / children?

It's hard.
Meds help but are expensive if GP won't provide shared care. It's a total postcode lottery whether your doctor will or won't.
Meds are the treatment and then coaching/ therapy to deal with life and the past fall out!
I don't really want to ever go back to unmedicated life. The depression, boredom, constantly looking searching for something... inability to have friends, emotional outbursts, lack of permanent commitment. Also overeating. Abuse of alcohol. I'm in AA but had no idea for years that I also had this. I think a lot of undiagnosed addicts about.

@alwaysraininghere

It's hard. Meds help but are expensive if GP won't provide shared care. It's a total postcode lottery whether your doctor will or won't. Meds are the treatment and then coaching/ therapy to deal with life and the past fall out! I don't really want to ever go back to unmedicated life. The depression, boredom, constantly looking searching for something... inability to have friends, emotional outbursts, lack of permanent commitment. Also overeating. Abuse of alcohol. I'm in AA but had no idea for years that I also had this. I think a lot of undiagnosed addicts about.

I'll pay for my own therapy as despite the odds I've actually got a decently paying job. My GP doesn't seem overly keen on prescribing meds though. I'm wondering about going private.

I agree that there are probably a lot of undiagnosed addicts about, although it does seem to be something widely recognised in AA.

I've just split up with my alcoholic partner. The one before was a commitment phone and a bully. I was single for 10 years before that (just used to drink wine by myself every night).

I'm worried about the loneliness and boredom that I'm about to face. Wondering if I can get anti depressants from my GO at least.

We are on holiday but he has just got the train home, so just DD and I here.

I've been putting off getting a diagnosis for a few years now (after my light bulb moment) as I'm not sure I want medication or that anything (therapy) will help so it will be interesting to see a few answers.

I'm a SAHM now so I don't have the demands of work otherwise I probably would look at medication.

How else do I cope...hiding from anything I have to do by playing computer solitaire and listening to music while feeling increasingly (but not visibly) panicked about not doing anything!

My dp was diagnosed last year. Now he's on the right meds, he's pretty much stopped drinking after self medicating with alcohol for years. He's also cut down on weed. He's now almost at the point where he'll be able to go back to work after a breakdown 2 years ago. His life has changed significantly.

No meds for me, but my life has improved immensely since I stopped trying to do things the neurotypical way and started using strategies for the brain I actually have rather than the one that people think I ought to have. I read up on techniques that work for people with ADHD and ask for advice in online groups. I've accepted that I'm not a bad, careless failure, but someone who genuinely finds some things a lot more difficult than other people do, and I should no more be ashamed of that than some with dyslexia should about their struggle to read. I'm upfront with people about what I find difficult, and whether I need to do those things in a different way to the born. Ironically, since I started doing this, I've become one of the more organised people at work, and nobody minds when I ask them to slow down so that I can write down the instructions they are giving me, or that I need uninterruptible time scheduled at the start and end of every day to do admin tasks, or that they will need to explicitly point out changes to schedules and routines, or that I need a visual reminder in full sight of everything I need to remember.

And at home, DH knows that I run out of willpower if I don't start a task by around 11am, so I need to do all my full chores in the morning, and also that if he notices me getting stuck in an an executive dysfunction spiral, I will generally snap out of it if he gives me a clear and direct instruction to stand up (or touch my toes, or similar).

@DaisyWaldron

No meds for me, but my life has improved immensely since I stopped trying to do things the neurotypical way and started using strategies for the brain I actually have rather than the one that people think I ought to have. I read up on techniques that work for people with ADHD and ask for advice in online groups. I've accepted that I'm not a bad, careless failure, but someone who genuinely finds some things a lot more difficult than other people do, and I should no more be ashamed of that than some with dyslexia should about their struggle to read. I'm upfront with people about what I find difficult, and whether I need to do those things in a different way to the born. Ironically, since I started doing this, I've become one of the more organised people at work, and nobody minds when I ask them to slow down so that I can write down the instructions they are giving me, or that I need uninterruptible time scheduled at the start and end of every day to do admin tasks, or that they will need to explicitly point out changes to schedules and routines, or that I need a visual reminder in full sight of everything I need to remember.

And at home, DH knows that I run out of willpower if I don't start a task by around 11am, so I need to do all my full chores in the morning, and also that if he notices me getting stuck in an an executive dysfunction spiral, I will generally snap out of it if he gives me a clear and direct instruction to stand up (or touch my toes, or similar).

What online groups do you find helpful?

Medication. Helps a lot.

And knowing I'm 'different' sort of makes it less shit when I see I've been left out of yet another school mum get together invite.

But ultimately it's crap and stays pretty crap. To have been dealt a genetic hand that's prevented me from achieving my full potential.

Bimbling, clean eating and exercise when I get motivated, lists, mildly abusing decongestants which are a stimulant.

@MistySkiesAfterRain

Bimbling, clean eating and exercise when I get motivated, lists, mildly abusing decongestants which are a stimulant.

I'm not sure I need a stimulant. I've been abusing alcohol and sleeping pills for years. It's the overactive brain, starting and not finishing tasks because I've started something else, the outbursts.

I say I abuse alcohol but I just use it along with the sleeping pills to switch off. I don't get hammered or violently drunk.