It's the outbursts that upset me - I upset and alienate people. Would the medication help with that?
In my experience yes, absolutely. That's probably the biggest benefit I've found to me being medicated. I'm not a slave to my emotions anymore and can actually think using my brain and not just some weird cocktail of gut instinct, emotions, and mood.
Which is how I go through life unmedicated.
There are positives and negatives to this, though.
Am I glad I'm not the sort of person who walks out of a job with no savings and no plan because it feels like the right thing to do? Sure.
But there are times when I miss being so impulsive. It was what made me, me, for a long time.
They're not a 'cure' but they definitely help. I can do things instantly that I would have procrastinated over for weeks before. I really enjoy things that are boring and repetitive now, like spreadsheets and laundry and cleaning.
But on the other side, I'm used to having a brain that thinks in Zs and Ms and basically fires like a pinball machine, whereas on meds I think much straighter. Calmer. Slower. So I'm a whizz at thoughtless boring repetitive stuff, but I'm shite at anything creative or that requires thinking outside the box.
Hopefully that makes sense and is somewhat relatable. 