ADHD diagnosed as an adult. How do you cope?

[FanGirlFoof]

Has anyone else been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, if so, how do you cope? Medication, therapy, self management?

When I look back on my life, it makes perfect sense.

Alcohol snd sleeping pills are not the same! The medication is a stimulant but it CALMS your brain snd takes away the impulsive urges that are like constant itches. It gives me the executive function to do stuff I usually agonise over. It might be recognised in AA but I think most alcoholics haven't got a clue until they do. And then it's like Oh right!

The first two weeks on medication I got in the car and felt absolutely no desire to drive faster than I needed to. It was absolutely bizarre

It's the outbursts that upset me - I upset and alienate people. Would the medication help with that?

@FanGirlFoof Yes, I have a dh and older children. One has adhd and I have to keep him on track as well as myself. I get really tired.

[quote gnarlyauldboiler]@FanGirlFoof Yes, I have a dh and older children. One has adhd and I have to keep him on track as well as myself. I get really tired.[/quote]
I was just wondering as the only men who seem to want to be in a relationship with me have their own issues and we end up falling out anyway as my outbursts cause arguments.

Check out adhd not just for kids. I think it's on YouTube.

@MistySkiesAfterRain

Bimbling, clean eating and exercise when I get motivated, lists, mildly abusing decongestants which are a stimulant.

What's the active ingredient in the decongestant? Is it all decongestants that work or is there a specific one I should look for?

@DaisyWaldron

No meds for me, but my life has improved immensely since I stopped trying to do things the neurotypical way and started using strategies for the brain I actually have rather than the one that people think I ought to have. I read up on techniques that work for people with ADHD and ask for advice in online groups. I've accepted that I'm not a bad, careless failure, but someone who genuinely finds some things a lot more difficult than other people do, and I should no more be ashamed of that than some with dyslexia should about their struggle to read. I'm upfront with people about what I find difficult, and whether I need to do those things in a different way to the born. Ironically, since I started doing this, I've become one of the more organised people at work, and nobody minds when I ask them to slow down so that I can write down the instructions they are giving me, or that I need uninterruptible time scheduled at the start and end of every day to do admin tasks, or that they will need to explicitly point out changes to schedules and routines, or that I need a visual reminder in full sight of everything I need to remember.

And at home, DH knows that I run out of willpower if I don't start a task by around 11am, so I need to do all my full chores in the morning, and also that if he notices me getting stuck in an an executive dysfunction spiral, I will generally snap out of it if he gives me a clear and direct instruction to stand up (or touch my toes, or similar).

I can relate to quite a lot of your experiences Daisy but I have executive dysfunction from a brain injury.

I’ve been reading more about people’s experiences ADHD wondering about similarities. I’m functioning particularly poorly at the moment. It’s difficult isn’t it.

How did you all get your diagnosis? I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder last year, but adhd makes a lot of sense to many of my behaviours. I don't feel like I can attempt to get a gp appointment then just say I think I have adhd, I'd feel like I'm wasting their time? My marriage broke down in part to me inability to handle stress in a healthy way and I'm keen not to continue this for the rest of my life. CMHT keep discharging me after they put me on anti psychotic meds, then when I called again they put me on a webinar course for CBT. I'm still struggling, hugely.

Someone put the thought in my head at AA, so I accessed or employer assistance counselling. I went to my GP armed with all the info that I'd gathered and she referred me to a specialist. It took about 18 months in all. I'm back under the care of my GP now but she doesn't seem that keen on medication, she wants me to try self management techniques first.

I'm going to try the EA again and potentially pay for extra therapy. I can't go on like I am. An explanation for some of my behaviour is a relief but I'm still not functioning well. I feel like I'm on alert all the time, I don't deal with stress well, I have outbursts with DP. I'm dreading going back into the office as it will be overwhelming I think.

Yes, I’ve just been diagnosed. I haven’t started meds yet but I’m very keen to try them out and harness all of my untapped potential into wondrous things, lol.

And like you, it makes perfect sense for me, the evidence was there in my school reports, but like most women with ADHD, I was bright enough to get by and I was charming and well liked by teachers so nobody every really raised the question.

When I first mentioned the possibility to my DP he thought I’d lost my mind, but now around a year after I first discussed it, he also feels it makes perfect sense based on his observations of me and my life.

Do you think it’s possible to have it without the restlessness stuff? I’m never fidgety, I’d never interrupt someone - I’m quite shy so would always wait for someone to finish speaking. I’m the opposite of impulsive, I’m paralysed by indecision most of the time. But the rest resounds so much.

I noticed a few people in the thread mention about the GP not wanting to start meds. If you’re in England your GP isn’t actually allowed to initiate ADHD meds.

The NICE guidelines state that all ADHD meds must be started and titrated by a specialist (a consultant psychiatrist) and that only once you’re stabilised can your GP take over prescribing and monitoring via a shared care agreement.

If anyone is still looking for a diagnosis or to arrange meds, I can recommended the ADHD centre online. It’s not cheap, but it gets the job done.

@CarolynMartens Yes, you can have inattentive ADHD without the hyperactivity part. That’s actually more common in women.

@bookishtartlet

How did you all get your diagnosis? I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder last year, but adhd makes a lot of sense to many of my behaviours. I don't feel like I can attempt to get a gp appointment then just say I think I have adhd, I'd feel like I'm wasting their time? My marriage broke down in part to me inability to handle stress in a healthy way and I'm keen not to continue this for the rest of my life. CMHT keep discharging me after they put me on anti psychotic meds, then when I called again they put me on a webinar course for CBT. I'm still struggling, hugely.

My primary diagnoses were ASD and bipolar disorder, and back when I was assessed for ASD, they noted significant executive functioning difficulties.

I later read that ADHD meds could be effective for people with an ASD diagnosis who had executive functioning difficulties akin to those of people with ADHD diagnoses, and wanted to try ADHD drugs. But generally adult psychiatrists don't like to prescribe ADHD drugs to those without an ADHD diagnosis, preferring to leave ADHD drugs to ADHD specialists. So my psychiatrist referred me to the local ADHD assessment service, which is apparently running at a >2 yr waiting list. I thought "fuck this for a game of soldiers" and decided to request an NHS referral to Psychiatry-UK under the right-to-choose rules in England. This referral apparently has to be from the GP, so the GP wrote me a referral and justified the need for it by citing my psychiatrist's referral to my local ADHD service (which I cancelled once I'd seen the P-UK doctor).

I got referred to Psychiatry-UK, filled out some forms, got my mum to fill in a form too, had a video call with the Psychiatry-UK psychiatrist, and was given a diagnosis of ADHD. Which I don't think should really be necessary, since IMO ASD covers the difficulties I have and justifies the meds, but you gotta play the game.

*sorry, should that that would be ADD rather than ADHD but two sides of the same coin.

@CarolynMartens

Yes, have a look at Inattentive ADHD , commonly referred to as ADD

@FanGirlFoof

It's the outbursts that upset me - I upset and alienate people. Would the medication help with that?

In my experience, yes.

I was really surprised at the effect meds had on my social behavior. Before I would be using all my energy to act normally and now its like I've tuned into a different frequency. I am so much more peaceful and in the moment when I'm with people. I don't need to dominate the conversation or use all my energy to listen. It just happens.

Medication. Methylphenidate Instant Release 20mg 3x a day. Was a pain at first but it’s easy to tell when I’m due the next dose now. Took about 5 months to find the right type and dose.

Not holding myself to neurotypical standards, particularly in terms of how tidy my house is, how organised I can be, and what my house looks like. I have breakfast foods in the dining room rather than the kitchen, for example. I don’t cook complicated meals any more.

ADHD TikTok - the life hacks on there are truly game changing.

Minimise steps needed to complete a task.

I have Combined Type and the Hyperactive isn’t what you think it is - it’s not just about not being able to sit still or fidgeting all the time. I’m quite happy to sit on my arse and binge watch TV

I paid privately via Psychiatry UK around 2 years ago, it was £300 plus extra for the medications, I probably spent around £700 on nurse appointments, script charges plus paying for the medication, and that was with buying it from Boots or ASDA which were a fraction of the price of my local pharmacy.

Within a few months my NHS Psych took over prescribing for me, which made them fall under my Pre Pay prescription.

However I know that they have huge wait lists now due to the Right To Choose, which can only be a good thing.

It’s so often missed in women

Thanks @MargaretBall I will have a look at that.

Also @ZealAndArdour thanks, I didn’t see your post at first.

I got seen pretty quickly under the right-to-choose thing, and as the psychiatrist wanted to titrate me himself rather than have the nurses do it, I didn't have to wait much for that, either. Was pretty good, TBH.

My DH has it.

Diagnosed 5 years ago aged 35 by a private ed psych

Unmedicated, awaiting referral

It’s VERY tough. I do a lot of support/organising/cajoling/covering for him.

We try to have a regular sleep schedule but he resists it.

There have been violent outbursts. This terrifies me.

Along with depression and dyslexia it can be really difficult.

In a nutshell it a lack of reliability. Tough for all around you.