What is it like to be beautiful?

[Gumbojumbo]

I would describe myself as pretty and have had a few admirers in my life, but I'm not outstandingly beautiful. I'm not tall or slim enough (boobs too big for my small frame, legs that could be much longer and hair that always needs a lot of styling to look half bad,). How about you? What is it like to be considered a beauty? Is life easier than for the rest of us mere mortals? I had a friend who was breathtakingly beautiful, but she was never happy with her lot in life. Disappointed that her looks didn't give her more of an advantage in life. Just wondering what it must be like to be considered a beauty.

*Not sure what you mean by that.

Jolie is a very mediocre actress. She wouldn't have anything like the career she has if not for her looks.*

I wondered this - Angelina Jolie’s looks have actually gone a long way for her. I wonder if perhaps the pp meant that she’s been married & divorced three times? So her looks haven’t helped her relationships in having longevity?

For a "very mediocre actress" Angelina Jolie won an Oscar for her part in "Girl Interrupted".

I’ve only ever met three people who I’d class as “beautiful”.
One was my first love and so was just the most beautiful looking person in the world to me. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary looking back and I don’t think others would class her as beautiful but to me she really was.
Second was a person who was in my life in a non romantic way but although pretty, again, nothing out of the ordinary but it was her personality that made her truly beautiful. In fact I’d say that she is probably the most beautiful person out of the three. Zero romantic feelings attached but truly beautiful.
Third is based purely on looks and is Julia roberts. I think she’s just stunningly beautiful!

@Gumbojumbo

I definitely think it must be a double edged sword. Frankly, I feel shite ageing and I am moderately attractive. I can't imagine how it must be I'd your youth was defined by your beauty. But even so, how bloody marvellous it must be to be considered beautiful beyond compare

I used to be considered very beautiful by other people. I was stared at from my mid teens to my 40s. It was a very uncomfortable experience most of the time (-even though it was useful occasionally for getting into clubs, and getting served at busy bars-). People expect things from beautiful people. The expectation depends very much on the beholder. Lucky for me, my self worth never came from the looks department. However! I do notice that when I run into people I have not seen for a along time, and they see that the bloom is off the rose, they are disappointed for me (or delighted ). However, I take the invisibility that comes with middle age for women as a bit of a gift - I finally get a bit of privacy in public.

@IcedPurple

Personally, I think very few people are beautiful. Attractive, sexy, pretty yes. But real beauty is rare.

And I always find these threads amusing in how people present good looks as some sort of burden, when there is considerable evidence that being good looking has all sorts of advantages.There may be downsides too, but the advantages easily outweight the disadvantages. Put it this way: many plain people try to be beautiful. No beautiful person tries to be plain.

I am not so sure about all this Iced. I agree that real beauty is rare but I do think that beautiful people can grow weary of it. How do we know the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? In professional life I am sure that in certain positons or sectors good things come of it but it can also be a terrible distraction. It went against me a lot, and I had to prove myself more than others. Ditto socialising - I cannot tell you the amount of times an event or party was ruined for me because some are felt he had rights. Try to extracate yourself and they can get very nasty very quickly. Like most things with humans, it depends!

@SeafrontBingo

Charisma, confidence, intelligence and being attractive- confer more advantage IME.

Bingo!

I would describe myself as pretty and I think it's only ever been a benefit. There have been many times where I know I have got away with things, or been given things, or been generally treated preferentially because I am pretty (and I should say - white - which I am not underestimating the impact of). Net-net it isn't a burden.

It's bloody awful, I've always been asexual and until I was around 50 I was very beautiful, I could put on a bin bag, no make up and not do anything with my hair and still be beautiful.
Nobody ever listened to anything I said, I was poked, assaulted, controlled by men for years, constantly has to put up with unwanted harrassment, I am a serious career woman and nobody took me seriously.
Now I'm 60 fat and haven't aged well it's an almighty relief, finally I am being taken seriously at work and people listen to what I have to say and I have friends of both sexes who don't go all funny or jealous I am so much happier.
I wouldn't wish good looks on anyone, you spend your entire life being treated like Barbie, not being taken seriously and suffering unwanted attention from men.
For an asexual it's a vision of hell. I got bullied into marriage twice which obviously didn't work because I am asexual and ended up being a victim of domestic violence both times. I weas quite timid when I was younger.
I now live alone, don't get any unwanted attention and its absolutely amazing.
Being beautiful is fine when you are a teenager and into all the latest fashions and so on but it doesn't bring happiness in the long run.

I'm pretty.
I'm also bright, funny, confident, kind, impatient, narky, anxious and pressured.

Someone can be objectively beautiful but when they open their mouth is the real measure of how attractive they are.

I think real exquisite beauty is far overrated as a gift

I agree that beauty is partly how you feel inside. Making the most of the features you have and letting confidence do the rest.

I was considered beautiful because I had the looks that matched the era - late 60s, early 70s. I earned quite a lot modelling which supplemented my grant.

I considered myself lucky to fit the mould at the time I needed extra cash. It did bring unwanted male attention but I was already with DH (as boyfriend) so it didn't go to my head.

I went from beautiful to "looking good for my age" far too quickly.

I would say I was attractive in my youth but unfortunately because of low self esteem I didn’t realise it at the time & always thought I was overweight when actually I had a great figure. Never short of male attention & I was told that I had “ The X Factor”. I’m overweight now but still get flirted with, on the till at work for example. It’s a lot to do with personality & being approachable.

In professional life I am sure that in certain positons or sectors good things come of it but it can also be a terrible distraction. It went against me a lot, and I had to prove myself more than others.

And yet there is evidence that good looking people get jobs and get promoted more often than ordinary looking people.

Ditto socialising - I cannot tell you the amount of times an event or party was ruined for me because some are felt he had rights. Try to extracate yourself and they can get very nasty very quickly

Do you really think things like this don't happen to women who aren't 'beautiful'?

They do. All the time.

In fact, if you're plain, they may consider they have more of a chance with you and that you'd be so grateful to have them pay you any attention at all.

How do we know the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Well, as someone said above, it's impossible to do a scientific test, because nobody is ugly one day and beautiful the next. But as I also said above, millions of people try - often very hard - to be beautiful, but nobody does the reverse.

But quite often men would think it was ok to grab or touch me in public, and I was sexually abused by men who would have left me alone if I was ugly.

I am, and have always been, an absolute minger but I’ve been sexually assaulted and harassed in public by strange men several times. It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with male entitlement and opportunity.

@Thenose

I was beautiful, but am not anymore.

As a child, adults seemed to conflate beauty with 'goodness', and frequently favour and praise me for qualities not wholly related to appearance. I was always considered honest, well-behaved, clever and kind. While I was all of these things, so were lots of my less beautiful peers, who weren't frequently gushed over in the same way. I think it had the effect of making me warmer and more complimentary to others, which increased my attractiveness and sustained/increased the warmth and praise I received. I'm sure this cycle is pretty common and that, sadly, the opposite is also true.

I received a lot of attention from men and was approached frequently wherever I went. I mostly enjoyed it but, as a teen and young adult, a number of close friends stopped seeing me because their boyfriends paid me too much attention, which was hard.

Everybody in the street stared, which made me distractingly self-conscious, so it was quite a relief, several years ago, to notice that I'd become invisible (until I opened my mouth).

I don't mind not being 'beautiful' beautiful now. It'd probably only lead to mischief. I don't know whether I could be faithful through the most difficult periods of my marriage if men were professing their undying love and kneeling to kiss my toes on the bus like they did in the old days

I could have written this post! I'll add a downside from my long-ago beautiful days... I had a job that required me to be funny, not quite stand-up comedy, but nearly. I only had a good reception if I played myself down with hair scraped back, no make up etc. If I wore my hair down and added lipstick or whatever, people assumed I was too pretty to be funny.

I thought it was brilliant. I have seen both sides, v plain child teen. Beautiful adult although looks faded early
It was great though, so much more choice in partner, people are nicer to you. No one forgets you. I don't mind losing my looks, I still look nice when done up but at the time I really enjoyed it. I was never assaulted or harassed either.

@Kanaloa

I’m just plain/average looking but my elder daughter is ten and is really beautiful. She has been since she was about 2. As far as I can see it doesn’t make much difference to her compared with my other three, except that people notice and favour her. For example, I notice at ballet she will often be complimented highly by teachers when in fact she is dancing the same/less well than other girls. She can go to a birthday party where she doesn’t know anybody and within 20 minutes she is surrounded by new friends. However, that could just be because she’s really confident and chatty naturally.

If we compliment her we never say anything about her looks, other than she looks smart in new clothes etc, because I don’t want her getting the idea that being beautiful is any different to being tall/short/pale/dark.

Wow, you should be telling all yout kids they are beautiful and stop pretending looks aren’t important. They are and it’s not the same as being tall or whatever. Lying to her doesn’t change it. Give yout kids confidence tell them they all beautiful all of them.

I choose not to compliment good looks. I compliment choices and effort. I would rather compliment my kids by saying ‘you tried so hard at x, it showed me how strong you are’ or ‘I loved how you passed the ball at football, I could see everything you’ve learned in practice’ than ‘you’re so beautiful with lovely hair and eyes.’ To me, the first two are proper compliments that my child can feel proud of. I don’t tend to compliment based on natural good looks, I feel it builds confidence better if you compliment based on hard work and effort.

And I don’t ‘lie to her.‘ I don’t tell her she’s ugly, and all my kids are beautiful to me, but I don’t compliment one child over the others because she’s objectively more beautiful.

Kanaloa

I agree to an extent. I may mention oh you look pretty to my niece but that is always after complimenting her in other ways

telling little girls how beautiful they are all the time especially if they are and others telling them often is not confidence building it’s telling a little girl what she has to offer is looks - and we have enough of that in our society

OhWhyNot

Thanks, I think you get what I mean. That’s exactly right, I’d like my girls’ confidence to be built on ‘look what I can do’ instead of ‘look how pretty I am.’ I think it sets them up in the right way.

I don’t tend to compliment based on natural good looks, I feel it builds confidence better if you compliment based on hard work and effort

They are not mutually exclusive. This is where you are wrong. Children should be built up to be confident about how they look. At the same time complimenting their achievements. It is not a case you can only do one or the other. Trust me. You can do both. To boys and girls.

Pretending society doesn’t place importance on looks, pretending it’s not important to be confident in yout appearance and how you look is just doing your kids a disservice.

I tell my daughter she is beautiful. I tell her when she looks great. I always compliment her. I also tell her how proud i am of her and praise her achievements, she’s a straight a student with a first and now a lawyer. I would never lie to her and pretend appearance was not important in today’s society.

It is and always will be. Solely praising one, either beauty or achievements is damaging. Praise both. You don’t have a limited amount of compliments you can give your kids to make them feel good about themselves and give them good self esteem and confidence. You don’t have a weekly limit.

Yes I really believe it will Kanaloa and a far more positive way to build confidence

@OhWhyNot

Yes I really believe it will Kanaloa and a far more positive way to build confidence

So you agree with this poster you should never mention or compliment your child’s looks?

I struggle to understand why anyone would think that, unless they are so so unhappy with their own appearance they feel compelled to behave like that

Children can be made to feel beautiful at the same time as complimenting and building their self esteem on their abilities and achievements

As said, they are not mutually exclusive. Always one or the other is damaging.

Bluntness I know far too many women who were very very pretty little girls that’s have very little self esteem

The constantly being singled out and being constant being told how pretty they are does not built confidence because being beautiful or pretty is not the be all and end all. True confidence isn’t knowing you are good looking it’s believing in yourself

No one is saying never tell a little girl she is beautiful but when she is one of those little girls that will be singled out by others then there is more of a need to build her confidence in other ways